Hey Pandas, How Do You Deal With Grief? (Closed)

Faith plays a very important role in helping me cope with grief. God has always been with me during these times. My love and trust in God, knowing that no matter what happens, no matter where I am, I can always talk with and rely on God. Even during my darkest times, He has always been my comforter.

I've gone into the woods and screamed. I've laid down by his grave and cried and slept. I've decorated his grave, I've talked about it, I am seeking consoling and meds to help. I've drank myself into oblivion to numb the pain and sleep. I'm not okay. I don't think I will ever be okay. But now it's music and redoing my entire house. Not to erase him but to renew the energy here. And no, I don't want to talk about him anymore dome days. I don't want to cry or no sleep. I just want my God damn son back, I just want him to grow up next to me. Like it was supposed to be. 15 days was never long enough. Never. But it's all I got and it's why I'm still here. I have to find a way to make it up there to hold him again. I have to. I have to survive for him and my living children. It's okay to not be okay. I repeat that daily. It's okay.....I'm not okay....and that's okay.

Cuddle up with my dog!

This ones hard. I struggle with object permeance - and as terrible as this sounds it applies to people too. I lost my Grandpa in 2017 - I never fully grieve anyone because if I get wrapped up in work or something and stop thinking about it long enough I forget they died until I go to call them or see a picture or anything like that. It took me leaving up reminders of Grandpa to work through my grief fully because it made me think about him more. It doesn't mean I don't miss them. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. In a way its more difficult because it takes so much to fully get through even half of the grieving process.

One thing that helps me, like with Grandpa, is kind of a memorial spot for them in my house. I have four people up in it right now. Usually just a couple of photo's or the handout from their funerals. It's been a bigger help since I started doing that to work through things. Talking to family and sharing stories helps too. Greif isn't easy. It will never get easy, it's not supposed to. The closer they are to you the more it hurts. That pain though - it's proof of the love you had of that person or the impact that person had on your life.

I’m at the “just don’t think about it” stage. Anytime I think about it, my brain just starts playing a song loudly on repeat. I don’t have to deal with it. I don’t have to talk about it. I lost X3. And I’m just too tired. It’s been a couple years and I’m doing fine. The first year of this I made a giant hole in my kitchen wall with a hammer and then when I realized what I’d done I built a spice rack inside the hole and framed it. Little bit of wood. Little bit of paint. No one knows that it wasn’t planned. It looks fine as long as you don’t lean on it. I think that’s a good metaphor for myself too. Now just have to switch out my meds for some that don’t make me so talkative.

I have not one way but many ways. I remind myself that the worst pain is only temporary. There will come a time when I can think about them without the tears. I try to live how they would want me too. They would never want to be the cause of my giving up on life. I know that every day that passes I am a day closer to seeing them again. I keep my mind busy. I can’t dwell on the losses or it will kill me, too. I’m still here for a reason so I must get on with life. Day by day.

I draw, it doesn't have to be great or anything, could even be just an angry scribble, but it helps.

If you find the answer let me know. My dog crossed the rainbow bridge last week and I'm not ok, but I accept that it is ok to not be ok. Grief is very personal and I don't think there is a right answer, I cry, I wail, I push it to one side when I don't have the energy to deal with it. I am single, no children and my dog was my baby, my everything. I go on long walks to where I used to go with her, sometimes it helps, sometimes it makes it worse but in the long term I think it will help just to process my feelings.
For anyone suffering with grief, my heart goes out to you, know that you are not alone and that we care.

just cry

I hold in my emotions. don't hold in your emotions. it does not help with grief. just thought i would add this even though it is off topic a bit.

Music mostly. Also I feel like I don’t deal with grief at all because music just lets me ignore it. So best not to take advice from me :)