I've been struggling to let go of some negative experiences from my past, and it's been holding me back from moving forward. I know that everyone has their own way of dealing with difficult memories, but I'm curious to hear how others have managed to overcome similar challenges.
For example, let's say someone went through a tough breakup or faced a major failure at work. What steps would you suggest they take to move on and create a fresh start? Whether it's practicing self-care, seeking therapy, or finding new hobbies, I'm open to any advice or personal stories that could help me (and others in a similar situation) start anew.
Looking forward to your thoughts and experiences!
#1
I've been through my share of breakups, and at first I struggled to let go of many of them and would make many stupid, downright cringe decisions.
I've since learned how to handle these hard break ups.
-Distance yourself from the other person. Don't try to hang out or be friends again until you know you're over it. (and you'll know when you're over it.)
-Also avoid friends who insist on telling you what's happening with the other person. That information will not help you, just make you feel worse or encourage bad decision making.
-Don't rush into the next relationship. Give yourself time to heal. Often this is easiest to do if you work on yourself, improving yourself. DO NOT try to fix flaws you think may have caused the break up. Save that for when you're over it. Trying to fix those issues too soon may encourage bad behavior and wrong-headed decision-making.
-When you find yourself dwelling on the break up or the other person, immediately find something to distract yourself. The more alien to the ex-relationship, the better. The goal is to get your mind off the other person and keep it there.
- unfollow them on social media or at least "take a break" from them. Don't cyber-stalk your ex. It will just drive you crazy and make you a creeper.
- Fake it until you make it. Break ups come with a lot of heartache, but I struggled to cope with it in a healthy way until I could see things objectively, and that took time. So to buy myself that time, I would tell myself I was was over it, employing the above ideas, even if I wasn't. Then eventually I'd notice I hadn't thought about it in a while and the sting had gone out of it. Only then would I feel ready to move forward.
These are all things that worked for me, but your mileage may vary.
I've since learned how to handle these hard break ups.
-Distance yourself from the other person. Don't try to hang out or be friends again until you know you're over it. (and you'll know when you're over it.)
-Also avoid friends who insist on telling you what's happening with the other person. That information will not help you, just make you feel worse or encourage bad decision making.
-Don't rush into the next relationship. Give yourself time to heal. Often this is easiest to do if you work on yourself, improving yourself. DO NOT try to fix flaws you think may have caused the break up. Save that for when you're over it. Trying to fix those issues too soon may encourage bad behavior and wrong-headed decision-making.
-When you find yourself dwelling on the break up or the other person, immediately find something to distract yourself. The more alien to the ex-relationship, the better. The goal is to get your mind off the other person and keep it there.
- unfollow them on social media or at least "take a break" from them. Don't cyber-stalk your ex. It will just drive you crazy and make you a creeper.
- Fake it until you make it. Break ups come with a lot of heartache, but I struggled to cope with it in a healthy way until I could see things objectively, and that took time. So to buy myself that time, I would tell myself I was was over it, employing the above ideas, even if I wasn't. Then eventually I'd notice I hadn't thought about it in a while and the sting had gone out of it. Only then would I feel ready to move forward.
These are all things that worked for me, but your mileage may vary.
8points
#2
This is not an easy question to answer for the simple reason that I've been there, done that - and my way of dealing with trauma is not for everyone. First rule is always to forgive yourself and that can be hardest, particularly if you've done nothing wrong. There is always an element of "what could I have done better?" from true victims. Second is to let go. Let go of what could have been; what should have been and part of that step is to do what seems paradoxical i.e. go NO CONTACT while FORGIVING everyone involved. To say "I forgive you, but you do not deserve my presence nor any of my attention" is the most empowering statement. It means you value yourself, recognize that you are deserving of better, and by choosing better, you are no longer being an enabler, participant, or victim. You are FREE. You consciously and subconsciously CHOOSE to free yourself of whatever THAT was. Thirdly, everyday self-care. Indulge in some form of care for yourself - whether it's to get much needed rest, a lovely long bath, a walk, a delicious meal. Fourth: Indulge in an activity you absolutely love and feel passionate about. Fifth: Give. Do something nice for someone in need without telling anyone. Sixth: Find a spiritual anchor. Whatever resonates with you. Ask for it, out loud, in Divine timing and the answers will come. Love and Light...
5points
#3
One foot in front of the other, one day at a time. Be good to yourself above all others. Trust your gut.
All these old sayings hold true when trying to move forward.
All these old sayings hold true when trying to move forward.
3points
#4
Sometimes, you have to metaphorically put a burden down by the side of the road and walk away. A neighbor repeatedly molested me before I even made it to kindergarten. My grandmother's employer (she was a housekeeper and took me with her to work in the summer) started the same a few years later. I was raised sheltered and religious, so I never said anything and didn't ask for help because I thought I would get in trouble. I made it to adulthood with tons of scars and trauma; sometimes, I was celibate, and sometimes, I partied too much. I couldn't find balance. I didn't think I deserved a normal sex life. Then I met my guy. I shared my secrets, and he told me it wasn't my fault and I had a choice. I could let the past color my future or put that baggage down and leave it in the past. It wasn't easy or overnight, but I had someone who made me feel safe. I stopped looking back over my shoulder. I embraced my right to be happy. It's not easy, but it can be done.
2points
#5
Never be afraid to start over. Tabula rasa, casa rasa.
(1) Only money and legal matters prevent you moving thousands of kilometres or moving overseas. If it's money, sell everything and take one bag. If you move abroad, governments won't tell where without your permission.
(2) New place, new you. Don't pretend to be something you're not, but you can and WILL change unconsciously when past acquaintances, expectations, and stresses disappear.
(3) The maxim goes, "If you tell the truth, you never worry if your story fits." Always tell new friends the truth, just don't tell them everything. They'll believe you if they learn anything about your past. And if you have no criminal record, it's proof from an independent source.
(4) Societal expectations have changed. People don't question "No Contact" like they used to. And if they do, you don't need to answer.
(5) Cut ties, but keep tabs. Block people with your main accounts, and create social media accounts without your name to track them (e.g. multiple profiles on FB, online newspapers, etc.). Maybe contact a local detective agency and pay a retaining fee before you leave in case you have to employ them.
(1) Only money and legal matters prevent you moving thousands of kilometres or moving overseas. If it's money, sell everything and take one bag. If you move abroad, governments won't tell where without your permission.
(2) New place, new you. Don't pretend to be something you're not, but you can and WILL change unconsciously when past acquaintances, expectations, and stresses disappear.
(3) The maxim goes, "If you tell the truth, you never worry if your story fits." Always tell new friends the truth, just don't tell them everything. They'll believe you if they learn anything about your past. And if you have no criminal record, it's proof from an independent source.
(4) Societal expectations have changed. People don't question "No Contact" like they used to. And if they do, you don't need to answer.
(5) Cut ties, but keep tabs. Block people with your main accounts, and create social media accounts without your name to track them (e.g. multiple profiles on FB, online newspapers, etc.). Maybe contact a local detective agency and pay a retaining fee before you leave in case you have to employ them.
1point
#6
Try to think positively and love the people who love you. Try new experiences.
1point
#7
Don’t be afraid to seek God and surround yourself with people who love and care about you and you for them. Having faith and other support is critical to making a fresh start. If you need therapy, that’s also okay. Seeking help is nothing of which to be ashamed, either!
0points
#8
Learn and know that it's okay to have good moments. Don't think that a good moment means that the painful situations or hurtful actions in your past are somehow less bad because you can have good moments now. It just means they get less of a hold on you, which again means you are starting to win.
0points