Hey Pandas, I Am A Good Therapist, Feel Free To Talk To Me (Closed)

I don't know how to deal with the constant feeling of being an outsider. Others seem to find their place in the community, in meetings or random encounters. I'm the one who gets stared at for a long time if I open my mouth and say something. Maybe because I'm quiet, but usually because I say accurate observations about things, phenomena or popular culture. I would somehow like to belong, to be part of the community. Physically, I have already done my part by volunteering at several events. Am I trying too hard to be accepted as a whole? Why do I crave it so much.

I've been a "therapist to most of my friends. I'm sorta popular at school but I rather keep to myself then joining all the popular people. So around 2½ years ago I sorta made a friend group with all the "leftover" people to give them a place to go. One was s*icidal and told me all his problems. He's not anymore but I was the only person he talked to so I knew a lot of the problems he was having. One of them pretend for over a year he was s*icidal and basically used me to get attention. (Also doing this by weaponizing his mothers death. Obviously we were all sad about it but it's disrespectful for even your own son to weaponize your death). The last one was someone who joked about being racist and sexiest and homophobic and everything else. He made inappropriate jokes about everything most of them were of s*xual assault. So from the beginning of the group to the end, I have tried to be nice and I get everything thrown at me and I'm expected to deal with it. Even when
The one who pretend to want to k*ll himself messaged me privately and said it's my fault if he does. I was distraught and I was expected to cope. So yeah, other to han that I'm fine. :)

Is it weird that I think blood is tasty? I mean, I don't cut myself or anything, but I usually nurse wounds by sucking on the blood. Is that weird?

I’m scared for high school, I always want to sleep even though I’m not always that tired, I need to study but my mind wanders too much, I might be bi or pan but I don’t have the means or the courage to find out, my skin is terrible, I have to think of college and what my opportunities are even though I haven’t even started HS, and I might have anxiety.

and this is my second week into writer’s block, which I think what I have to say in writing is worthless anyway, because I might end up homeless unless I can find something else im good at for a potential job.

I'm just really lonely. None of my friends have similar interests to me, and if I try to tell them anything they just look disgusted. Even if they asked about it :(

I got outed to my (VERY unsupportive) parents as aroace yesterday- a groupchat I was in got leaked, and in one of the screenshots I mentioned to someone that I was aroace- well, you can guess how that went haha