I (F18) and my boyfriend (M19) have been dating for roughly six months. We met while playing video games (not important in this situation). After a few months, we decided to try a long-distance relationship. Things were great for the first month. We called three days a week for three hours. Then his phone broke, so we were barely able to talk, but we made it work. He got a new phone, but he had down payments, so he needed to work more than he already did, which was about every day (he lives alone).
We talked roughly more than we did without a phone, which I understand perfectly, so I did what he asked and backed off. We haven't had a single call in all this time. When he got the new phone, I asked if we could call from time to time, and he said maybe (meaning a downright no, but he didn’t want to hurt my feelings). I understand his excuses being, "I'm tired, I'm stressed," etc. Now, when I asked about a month ago if we could just call or even text for ten minutes a week, he got so defensive. I recently asked for ten minutes a month, and he got defensive about that too.
We talked roughly more than we did without a phone, which I understand perfectly, so I did what he asked and backed off. We haven't had a single call in all this time. When he got the new phone, I asked if we could call from time to time, and he said maybe (meaning a downright no, but he didn’t want to hurt my feelings). I understand his excuses being, "I'm tired, I'm stressed," etc. Now, when I asked about a month ago if we could just call or even text for ten minutes a week, he got so defensive. I recently asked for ten minutes a month, and he got defensive about that too.
I feel like he isn't trying to talk to me. We had a whole argument about it. Since then, I've been thinking about breaking up with him. I feel like an AS for thinking this way, but I'm tired of it, and I need the connection and communication we don't have in this relationship. I think I need advice. Anything would be appreciated.
#1
So... you have a long-distance-relationship and you don't even talk anymore. Looks like there isn't much of a relationship. A break-up probably isn't even necessary, but if it makes you feel better go ahead.
15points
#2
You had a boyfriend (briefly). You are now single. You just haven’t realized it yet.
10points
#3
I met my wife when I was 21. We did start with a long-distance relationship. And that went on for a while, almost 3 years (with some visits between). That needed constant care, a lot of trust...and also a lot of work at times to keep us going. We had to make time to contact. Yes, there are e-mails, text messages as well. But a phone call (or facetime etc.) is important. Because of the time difference that was sometimes at inconvenient times like 3am. But we did and made it work.
Of course we were 2-3 years older than you guys. But still: if I read/hear that he really can't/won't talk for so long....it's probably not a good sign. You can make it work, but it's not easy. But if both sides are willing to, it will work out. But the signs here do not look great. At least on his account. If not with a phone call, there are plenty of other options for him to contact and text/talk/write to you. It just doesn't feel like he's willing to make it work. I'm sorry to say...
8points
#4
Unfortunately I think your bf has already moved on. I think for yourself the best thing to do right now is breakup and move on as well.
10 minutes a week is not a relationship. If he wanted to be in the relationship he would make time for you whether he was working or not.
10 minutes a week is not a relationship. If he wanted to be in the relationship he would make time for you whether he was working or not.
Do what is best for yourself!
6points
#5
"I've been thinking about breaking up with him."
Go head and break it off. He's probably waiting for you to do it because he's too chicken to do it himself.
It sounds to me as if you have good communication skills. Now you need to learn the signs that you're wasting your time - and this is an opportunity to grow. Your willingness to make a relationship work should be saved for someone else.
Go head and break it off. He's probably waiting for you to do it because he's too chicken to do it himself.
It sounds to me as if you have good communication skills. Now you need to learn the signs that you're wasting your time - and this is an opportunity to grow. Your willingness to make a relationship work should be saved for someone else.
2points
#6
10 minutes of texting a week???
Sorry, but he's just not that into you, and is too immature and chicken s**t scared to tell you. He'd rather just give you hints. He's a donkey. You won't even have to tell him anything. Just block him. He's already said 10 minutes of your time is too much.
Then blast "Deathhouse" by Sopor Aeturnus. It's a song about this exact scenario.
Sorry, but he's just not that into you, and is too immature and chicken s**t scared to tell you. He'd rather just give you hints. He's a donkey. You won't even have to tell him anything. Just block him. He's already said 10 minutes of your time is too much.
Then blast "Deathhouse" by Sopor Aeturnus. It's a song about this exact scenario.
I've been in a long distance relationship for 6 years, so I know the hardships and emotional roller coasters, and the difficulties with having to work around time zones and personal schedules. If he was really wanting you in his life, he would make the effort.
2points
#7
You can't be this naive. Move on and don't allow people to treat you this way in the future.
1point
#8
I'm sorry but I think this is already over and your boyfriend is too chicken to tell you. Move on and don't let this put you off as ban one said it can work out if you both want it to.
1point
#9
Either your boyfriend is depressed, or moved on.
Personally, I would just tell him that you want a more committed relationship. What you want in your relationship is not going to be the same for someone else, and that's perfectly ok! Find someone who has the same values as you, and appreciates you for you.
Stay strong, and know we pandas are always there for you ❤️
1point
#10
I'm sorry to say have you never seen the show Catfish??
0points
#11
Move on.
0points
#12
Were the three 3-hour calls a week monologues?
0points
#13
Long distance is not for everyone, maybe he realised it before you and now does not know how to let you off easily... Maybe you should do that, let him off easily
0points
#14
If you have to beg anyone for their time, they aren't worth your time! You are worth more than this. Move forward, move ahead, no looking back at this guy.
It's lucky he didn't ask you to start paying his phone payment so you could talk more. That's a pretty common con that's lots of people fall for, they need $ to come to the states, or they are sick, in jail, whatever.
At least he only took your time.
0points
#15
Long distance relationships rarely work: You grow apart. Especially at the late teen/early 20's stage.Your life REALLY hasn't even begun.
One of you will end up cheating. Break it off now.
0points
#16
Don't torture yourself for a relationship that's going nowhere. Cut him off and call it a day. You're young, you're going to meet a lot of great people. Don't be quick to isolate yourself for someone you haven't even met face to face.
0points
#17
My advice would be to focus on you. He's distracted by his dreams. Maybe dreams that he had before he met you. Give him some space and go after yours for now. If it's meant to be, he'll be back. If not, you'll find someone even better along the way.
0points