Hey Pandas, Vent If You Want

it’s a silly thing to be worried about, but today i forgot a very basic word in russian. it normally wouldn’t bother me but i haven’t had an intellectual conversation in my native language in so long, and im terrified that im starting to forget it. i harbor resentment towards my country but i love my language and i never want to lose it.

i may or may not have fallen head over heels for this opera student at my conservatory? we’re almost the same age and he’s GORGEOUS. i genuinely don’t know what to do about it. 😭😭 we sometimes go out to lunch after our theory class and i could just listen to him talk all day.

yesterday i practiced piano so hard that i left blood on the keys, and now the fingers on my left hand are so sore and weak that im in constant pain. not much i can do about it other than rest, it just sucks that i have to take a longer break from playing.

my mum called me weird. i was dysphoric today. yay. i saw one of my friends vent on yt and i felt like a s💩t (she vented about something… not that important and she got a lot of support and attention) so yeah yay :/

My crush who I'm frankly obsessed about doesn't like me back and I've known for a month now and I'm still not over it ;c

Help how do I move on from this

I feel like I've been making the rounds in the venting posts lately. There's just a lot happening. Today is about how I'm concerned about my dad not showing concern.

I have several problems, physically and mentally. Let's start with the physical problem. I have GI problems and when I told my dad 4 years ago, he said that it might be a problem with my diet. Fair enough so I changed my diet and ate extra fiber. Well I was still complaining about this a year ago and my dad just said the same thing. He finally listened to me and said "we could get the referral, but after hearing you the doctors going to want to do an invasive surgery." It felt like he was kind of warning me to not do it because of that, but if it could help me get the correct medicine to calm down the problem (not curable but medicine can help), why wouldn't I want to? Btw, he and my brother have what it sounds like I have.

Now let's discuss my mental problems. I've noticed that I can't articulate my feelings very well. I struggle just figuring them out. I also get angry or sad very quickly and sometimes have a catalyst type moment that leads to me entering a period of depression. It gets worse each time. As in I can't control my feelings and then after something goes wrong, the depression I feel gets worse and worse. I know how I said it it probably doesn't sound that serious in the angry and sad feelings, but these typically are very strong emotions. It's so hard to describe it correctly. And this part of the problem, I can't describe how I feel and my dad kind of ignores it. I want to see a doctor about this (I forget if it's a psychologist or psychiatrist. Or what the difference between the two is, if there is one). But I'm afraid to tell him because he kind of ignored me when I mentioned how my therapist thinks I have ADHD and should be tested if that would help (which it actually could with accommodations the school has).