Hey Pandas,Lately I've got this feeling that People always put me last and use me. Few instants as below.1.My mother didn't help me when I was going through post partum but stay at our home whenever she wanted a change and ask me for insurance for her treatments.2. My Father couldn't care less for me. out of 3 kids I am his least favorite. although I am the one that did the most for him financial or other wise.3.My sister takes all kinds of help and call me constantly when she needs something but when she goes on long vacation, she didn't even told me and when I asked she said I am being jealous of her travelling.4.Our close friends that makes travel plans with us all the time said they couldn't travel on the weekend we were making plans, then they made their own plans and went on a vacation.5.We invited our cousins over a weekend to participate in an event near by our home, they said they will be there, on the day of the event they said they are not coming over coz their sister came the day before.6.My in-laws doesn't even acknowledge my presence but they asked me to take a loan and help them to buy a house. When I denied, they are treating me even worse.7. My in-laws stayed at our home and went for registration but never mentioned to me that they bought a house. But when they were moving they asked me to come over to help them.9.My SIL seeks lot of help from my husband, but sides with her parents when they mistreat us.10. My best friend from college dropped just a "I am sorry, Take care" text when my mother passed away. Not even a condolence call.We never behaved rudely with any of them, We never deprived them of information, We never cancelled on them when we made plans...yet this kind of things keep happening to us form the people around us. It's like we attract trouble. Can't we just have one decent relationship ?
#1
It sounds like you always say yes. In my opinion you should not expect anything from anyone on that list you made. Prioritize yourself and your relationship. Maybe they will disappear but you’ll live happier. Expectations are always disappointing. Good luck.
1point
#2
From how you set up your examples and problems, you only show your side, so it is hard to know exactly what is going on.
What you may see as normal reaching out can be seen as suffocating to others. It is also hard to see friendships having gone their due course and grow apart if you are desperately holding on and being a people pleaser.
So take a step back.
First look at yourself. What is it that you seek? What type of attention do you want? What type of attention do you not need?
People reaching out might seem like good attention, but if they are only there to ask for money, then you can miss that reaching out like a sore tooth.
Next, look in the mirror. Look at yourself as if the one in the mirror is a stranger. Do you like the person you see? If not, find out what you don't like and work on improving yourself. Become a person you can respect. It is strange, but it is easier to put up boundaries and be good to yourself when you like yourself.
You said yourself that your parents treat you rotten, but you still do whatever you want because you feel like maybe, if you try hard enough, do enough, they may finally treat you like a human being.
Honestly, if they wanted to treat you as a human, they have had a lot of years to show this already. All you are doing is show them that they can treat you like a indentured servant and that you will jump to the opportunity to be abused by them.
It is hard, but step back. Ask yourself. With everything your parents have done, if your child gets a mother/father in law that treat them like your parents treated you, would you tell your child to suck it up and try harder? Or would you help your child in seeing that, that behavior is not right and they deserve better?
But also talk to your husband. Why is he allowing his family to mistreat you? Does he love you, or are you a tool to have a family? Only you two can figure that out.
But you two need to be on the same page. You two need to be a solid family that support each other to move forwards. Cause if he doesn't support you, your in laws will never change.
Stop reaching out the people that never reach back, some old friendships are dead and clutching won't help. Instead, see if you can find a hobby that you enjoy. And see if their are clubs for that hobby, find a community you can talk to. Don't try to hook whoever you can to be a new friend, but find joy yourself. New friends will come eventually.
Cut of relationships that only exist to drain you of your energy or money. You need to find the courage to build yourself up instead of letting others tear you down.
Build boundaries and stick to them. If they come with some sob story or guilt you into giving them money, counter with a contract that need to be signed with when the money needs to be paid back, how much, and signed by both parties. If they refuse or counter with being family, then they never had the intention of giving you your money back.
I know it is a lot, but here is the cold hard truth.
You can't make people that don't like you, care about you. It will never happen.
What can happen is finding people that do like you. That will treat you like a living being. That will show you more dignity than you have been shown.
You have been setting yourself on fire to keep people warm, that would toss you into the sea because you don't burn in the correct hue to flatter them. And they still would blame you for it.
What you may see as normal reaching out can be seen as suffocating to others. It is also hard to see friendships having gone their due course and grow apart if you are desperately holding on and being a people pleaser.
So take a step back.
First look at yourself. What is it that you seek? What type of attention do you want? What type of attention do you not need?
People reaching out might seem like good attention, but if they are only there to ask for money, then you can miss that reaching out like a sore tooth.
Next, look in the mirror. Look at yourself as if the one in the mirror is a stranger. Do you like the person you see? If not, find out what you don't like and work on improving yourself. Become a person you can respect. It is strange, but it is easier to put up boundaries and be good to yourself when you like yourself.
You said yourself that your parents treat you rotten, but you still do whatever you want because you feel like maybe, if you try hard enough, do enough, they may finally treat you like a human being.
Honestly, if they wanted to treat you as a human, they have had a lot of years to show this already. All you are doing is show them that they can treat you like a indentured servant and that you will jump to the opportunity to be abused by them.
It is hard, but step back. Ask yourself. With everything your parents have done, if your child gets a mother/father in law that treat them like your parents treated you, would you tell your child to suck it up and try harder? Or would you help your child in seeing that, that behavior is not right and they deserve better?
But also talk to your husband. Why is he allowing his family to mistreat you? Does he love you, or are you a tool to have a family? Only you two can figure that out.
But you two need to be on the same page. You two need to be a solid family that support each other to move forwards. Cause if he doesn't support you, your in laws will never change.
Stop reaching out the people that never reach back, some old friendships are dead and clutching won't help. Instead, see if you can find a hobby that you enjoy. And see if their are clubs for that hobby, find a community you can talk to. Don't try to hook whoever you can to be a new friend, but find joy yourself. New friends will come eventually.
Cut of relationships that only exist to drain you of your energy or money. You need to find the courage to build yourself up instead of letting others tear you down.
Build boundaries and stick to them. If they come with some sob story or guilt you into giving them money, counter with a contract that need to be signed with when the money needs to be paid back, how much, and signed by both parties. If they refuse or counter with being family, then they never had the intention of giving you your money back.
I know it is a lot, but here is the cold hard truth.
You can't make people that don't like you, care about you. It will never happen.
What can happen is finding people that do like you. That will treat you like a living being. That will show you more dignity than you have been shown.
You have been setting yourself on fire to keep people warm, that would toss you into the sea because you don't burn in the correct hue to flatter them. And they still would blame you for it.
0points