At home, at work, and, of course, on your cell phone/mobile.
#1
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
3points
#2
"Hi. I can't come to the phone right now, or maybe I'm just ignoring you because I don't like you. Go sort out your life's problems without me!"
.... "Also, meow."
.... "Also, meow."
3points
#3
OK, I will start. At some point, maybe still?, mine was/is: "Leave a message at your own risk and I’ll try to catch up with you!" People do call me back if I don't respond fast enough.
2points
#4
Leave a message so I can call you back
2points
#5
“Hello, you’ve reached Klaus’ crematorium. You kill ‘em, we grill ‘em. We’re currently away from our phone, but please leave a message and we’ll call you back as soon as we’re able. Thank you and have a great day.”
1point
#6
I'm pretty sure it's still the default voicemail message, because I'm still not sure how to use or set up voicemail.
1point
#7
I had another voicemail for some time, maybe 3 months, just to play a joke on my adult children: Hello? Hello?! Sorry, I can't hear you! What? What? LOL. You're trying to talk to my voicemail again!
1point
#8
if you are a big shot then sell their company for 99999.99999 for their very own company
-1point