Hey Pandas, What Is The Biggest Red Flag In A Friendship? (Closed)

When you realize that you always give what you can, but you never receive anything when you're the one in need.

I am not talking about goods or money, but about simple help or support in the difficulties that one may encounter.

It allows you to quickly tell the difference between a friend and a parasite.

A few red flags for me are:

1) They only come to me if they want something
2) hanging out with them drains me more than hanging out with others
3) they turn their backs when I need them
4) they never consider my input
5) they talk over me all the time so I never get to take part in any conversation

One way communication and well being check up then Blowing up my phone when they want something or during their emergencies.

people who are too religious. believe what you want but don't consider it the ultimate truth.

If they accuse a innocent, for molesting kids, just because they don't like that person.

Manipulate people.

Their friends fear to stop the friendship, because the person is not right and will make your life a hell if you stop the friendship.

You always being the one to travel to see them. ALWAYS

1) They leave you mid-conversation to hang with other people
2) They say something is "a joke" when really its hurtful and insensitive
3) They tell someone a secret they'd promised that they'd keep to themselves
Theres plenty more but these are the ones that happened to me personally

I didn’t realize I was being used until I got treatment for addiction.

I had a friend who I would always hang out with, we were BFFs and I would always go to her house, go camping with her etc, I thought I was “using her”! But in reality we were both high functioning alcoholics and she was using me to drink with and go out with because what we were doing “wasn’t normal”. When I had enough and went to treatment she dropped me like a rock.

Don’t have friends you wouldn’t hang out with sober, be careful of people who only want to be around when you’re partying. It isn’t sustainable.

Took me way too long to notice this one. If you’re always nervous because getting one word wrong could make them mad. Walking on eggshells because you know they will give you the silent treatment for nothing at all.

When they're toxic. I had a friend from kindergarten to 5th grade(let's call her Destiny). Destiny had anger issues. She would bully me and my other friends and be toxic and make me angry at her and then the next day she'd be back to being nice and kind. I moved at the end of 5th grade and cut off contact from her completely.

TL;DR: Boundaries

I was a door mat growing up not having the self esteem to put boundaries. For me a huge red flag is when a “friend” doesn’t respect your “no”. If you don’t like something and the “friend” tried to convince you beyond once asking are you sure, that’s my red flag. I’ve become very protective of my boundaries and my real friends respect them. Full disclosure: I’ve got three real friends I’d do anything for. I’m an introvert and have social anxiety so this is an ample amount :)

they always talk about themselves, but never ask you anything. it's a one way direction

Disrespect. Be it friendship, or any other relationship, disrespect alone turns out to be the biggest red flag. Period.

always lying to me, always talking over me, being a hypocrite, blaming me for everything, harassing other friends, and scared to end the frendship with crazy parents (this is a real friend)

When every apology is "I'm sorry you feel that way".

You're the one who's always messaging first... :')

1. Manipulation or gaslighting
2. Guilt tripping
3. Feel like you can’t even mention other friends let alone talk to them bc they’ll be mad or sad
4. Feeling like you can’t end the friendship bc your nice and it’ll hurt there feelings or they’ll be mad
5. Constantly walking on eggshells around them
6. Dreading seeing them or being emotionally drained after
7. Always having to do what they want, no compromising, and no balancing time with other friends
8. they get upset about everything and you always have to help and they never care if your upset
9. You make a playlist about them containing the songs “mean” “your not sorry” “this is why we can’t have nice things” and “the devil doesn’t bargain” among others
10. Googling the cycle of abuse, or quizzes about being manipulated/gaslit/emotionally or mentally abused with them in mind
11. When you are nice and always there for them but then you prioritize your suicidal friend (that they used to be friends with and pushed away like everyone else) over there tiny bit of drama and they call you a jerk and bad friend
12. When friends again they deny they ever said that
13. A rocky or unstable or on-and-off relationship
14. They are controlling or mean
15. You attempt suicide and relapse self harm bc of them

Sorry these are all so specific I’ve recently experienced them with someone hope they help, I’m also clueless and too forgiving and generous, and I’m a people pleaser due to trauma. I really hope this helps anyone out there going through similar things

When they are self-obsessed, 'always the victim' and belittle you. One should stay put for the subtle signs.
1. It always starts with smartly diverting every single topic to them.
2. Slowly you become so tangled in their life that you often avoid their calls or company.
3. They can't bear the thought of your accomplishments and belittle you in every single way.
4. Academical rivals or other rivals. (Not always)
5. Doesn't respect what you are going through.
This gradually leads to you becoming bitter or having the 'friend' surping you to no ends. If you don't end or set up boundaries with these friends, soon you will be begging them for even the littlest things like spending time with your loved ones.

when they won't shut up about themselves

Narcissistic behaviour.

Lack of give and take.

Being treated differently if you aren’t at the same “life stage”.