Hey Pandas, What Is The Hardest Thing About Having Your Disorder? (Closed)

Oh boy... OK, here we go:

Fibromyalgia: I can't do the things that I love for as long as I'd like, and some days I can't do anything at all due to wide spread pain or fibro migraines, whether it's something I love, just my job, or taking care of my house.

ADHD: Inattentive Type: I can't get by without my medicine (can't wake up, can't stop eating because my body is trying to wake my brain up, can't focus even on the things and people I love), and the only medicine that works for me costs $400+ a month.

Social Anxiety: Everything which involves social interaction is instantly extremely stressful. This includes last minute plans with a friend or even family, job hunting (my entire body just tensed up just writing that), interviews (they make me want to puke, I'm so anxious), and even phone calls.

General Anxiety: I hate it when it gets so bad that all I can do is freak out for hours on end.

Dyscalculia: I *hate* maps, math, and measurements, but finance management is *the worst*.

I have social anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder, and panic disorder. The worst part for me is in a panic attack I have breakdowns, and feel like I'm suffocating. It's worse when it's brought on my an argument because emotions are running high and my anxiety is at its peak. I don't remember what I say or do in those moments. I apparently told my grandfather I hated him which is so far from the truth because I love him. My grandparents are my parents since they've raised me. I have no memory of ever saying that to him or anything that I said or did during my attack. The only thing I remember is the start of the argument and calming down in my room. I don't remember going to my room. So the feeling of being suffocated and not having a memory after an attack are probably the worst. A runner up is when a panic attack comes out of nowhere. I'm seeing a psychiatrist and I'm on medication which has helped immensely.

So this is lengthy but I have dermatillomania and alexithymia. Dermatillomania means that I constantly itch and scratch my skin, eventually breaking it. I have scars all over, and I keep my nails short. Alexithymia means that I can't interact with people easily--I don't understand social cues. I've lost many friends that way. Finally--this is hard for me to type--I'm a recovering anorexic. I'd rather not go into those details.

Anxiety: The world is ending, the house is on fire. No, I don’t have proof of these claims, I just heard a different sound in the middle of the night
Social anxiety: Everyone hates me, I’ll never have friends. I’m too awkward.
Manipulative Daydreaming: I actually don’t mind this, it’s just almost every thought in my head is stories, or planning encounters that will never happen, so it gets hard to function sometimes, and it gets annoying sometimes

I have selective mutism and the number of people who have expected me to produce sound because they yelled at me to speak 😑
I HAVE MOST LIKELY TOLD YOU TO NOT DO THIS! WHY ARE YOU DOING IT?
SM attacks from anxiety can be so unhelpful, these attacks let my shitty English teacher play me and my classmates like pawns because I froze. I could not speak, I wanted to scream at her, I wanted the emotional abuse to stop, but nobody will ever understand that I tried. Nobody will ever stop triggering these attacks.

Also I recently found D.I.D. TikTok and I’m constantly questioning if I’m co-consious with alters or it’s just imaginary friends. Most likely imaginary friends from what I’ve gathered but there’s always that one intrusive thought.

Insomnia
I cant sleep
It fuucking sucks but for some weird reason i keep waking up at like 3 in the morning every day

Depression: the lack of motivation and feeling horrible about myself practically 24/7
Anxiety: worrying about the smallest little thing that probably doesn’t even matter

My autism is really hard because it caused my depression mostly because no one believed I had it till I got diagnosed so I felt really alone. I developed depression because of that and that affects my eating patterns a lot

Social anxiety: I always think that others are judging me and dislike me. It stops me from doing so much because I think that anything I do will make people dislike me. This has/is stopping me from so much that I know I can do.

anxiety disorder (general): it makes me ways aware of what could go wrong, even to crazy extremes. I can't control the thoughts and feeling that I am doomed. It also causes physical pain from being so anxious.

How any way I feel is mistaken as a symptom of the disorder or a side effect of my meds. Maybe it is the disorder or maybe it’s just because I hate your face today?? I can be pissed off that someone did something without being told that it’s “just the disorder” or hearing “maybe it’s your meds?”. Frustrating. Yes, I’m freaking crazy. No, I don’t want your “help” diagnosing and treating my problems. If I want help I’ll ask for it.

Adult ADD: People say it's a made up Dx. But when you are trying to function as an adult with it. It sucks, being told that you're lazy because you get behind on chores, or just bad with money because you could have sworn you paid it, and bad at time management becauce you missed another appointment. IT impacts your self esteem. I have at least 4 calendars to help try and keep me on top of bills, appointments etc, they work for the most part, but when not feeling well or stressed, I can completely forget to look at them. People who don't have it or don't understand can't appreciate just how mentally draining it can be to try to focus.

P.S. for those struggling with self esteem issues due to ADD/ADHD I highly recommend reading " You mean I'm not lazy, stupid or crazy" by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo.

My friend has a texture disorder and I think its so sad because the texture of cookies makes her want to throw up.

Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD)

I developed this condition when I was 12 years old. It was at it's peak from 14-21 years old. During those years it was so bad I almost could not function. At 30 I still have it but to a lesser extent as I have figured how to cope appropriately and am practicing a much healthier lifestyle. It still affects my life but is manageable.

It is kind of hard to explain as it is likely one of those things you have to experience to fully understand. Basically it is like having a phobia of people and social situations. I've seen people filled with fear over spiders or snakes. It is kind of like that but internally. It is a struggle to communicate normally or effectively. I come off as very shy pretty often when I really am pretty bubbly when comfortable enough to be myself. It makes basic human functioning harder when these functions should be as natural as breathing. Like I will be hyperfocused on my facial expressions, a part of my body, my hands, my posture, etc. An example of being over focused on posture makes me very unrelaxed in my position; so I end up sitting very stiff and uncomfortable but am afraid to kove or adjust myself. Another function that has been affected is I will forget to swallow naturally and my mouth will start to fill up with spit. It's almost like being anxious makes my mouth water more as well and I end up manually swallowing every 10 minutes. And there is also being in constant fight or flight which is quite exhausting. There is over thinking every single social interaction... Even if the conversation was normal in reality I will question everything on my end. "Did I pronounce that word right?", "Did I make them uncomfortable?", etc.

I developed a drinking habit in my early 20's due to alcohol taking the edge off of the social anxieties. What it ended up doing was making me worry more the next day about the social interactions while intoxicated, and if I appeared drunk, made made etc fool of myself, etc. A lot of social anxiety is fearing embarrassment, public humiliation, and worrying about what people think of you. It ended up doing the thing I originally feared. I have since quit at 30 years old and wish I had never started.

I also have had people tell me they thought I had another disability due to my anxiety causing me to act differently in social interactions. I have a lot of trouble with eye contact and also stammer and have have lisp at times when speaking.

The biggest problem I run into is that it makes it that much harder to be myself. It's almost like I am a shell of myself when the anxiety is present. Alot of the time I wish I could project who I really am but I am held back. Almost as if I have no control over myself or my social identity.

Ultimately it makes everything involving people that much harder for me when others have no problems in these situations. It takes me a very long time before I am comfortable in a group of people (like coworkers). It makes me seem very aloof at first and some people have even taken it as snobbery.

And don't get me started on job interviews! Those are the worst! It does effect my job performance and how I am recieved at work. I either go unnoticed or am seen as incompetent by peers due to my quiet and sometimes unsure demeanor. This is currently what I am trying to tackle regarding my condition. It's almost like I have to redeem myself as being capable. It also has made me seem weak or as a door mat as it is very hard to stand up for myself or handle confrontations well.

It continues to be a work in progress.

I have a few, like social anxiety and depression, but I’ve chosen to talk about my eating disorder. Everything is hard. If I’ve even gained a pound, I feel guilty for days. It’s very hard to enjoy food. I can barely tell anyone, they’d say “but you’re so thin! Love yourself!” I’ve tried. I’ve tried so hard to love myself. And of course, part of me knows that this is irrational, that I’m already underweight, that I could die. But this disorder is so overwhelming, and I just can’t stop. Everyone else is so beautiful, whatever weight they are. It’s just me who is ugly. I hate myself more everyday. I haven’t eaten lunch for maybe two months, except when I had to to hide my disorder from my family. This all started in middle school. I can’t take this for much longer

ADHD. This shot makes it so hard for me to focus on the math homework I am supposed to be doing now. Whoop-dee-doo