Hey Pandas, What Is The Most Absurd Thing Your Children Have Ever Said? (Closed)

Not my kid... but... I had my aunt and little cousins over. Her oldest kid (6 at the time) was going through a phase of only wanting jam on toast. Despite having a huge homecooked meal on the table, she demanded I indulge him so I made him jam on toast. The issue is, I don't like jam so the only jam I had was ultra fancy jam I had for a tea party I had hosted (it was like elderberry jasmine or something equally hoity toity). I did tell them that but she insisted it was fine. I set it in front of him and he scowled "I wanted strawberry"

I explain... that's all I had, eat it or don't eat. Realising I'm not about to go to the store just to buy him a jar of jam he finally takes a bite. His face squishes up and he gets all fussy "EWWWWWW, tastes like poo."
... so... I think I'm going to trip him up a little, "Oh yeah and how would you know what poo tastes like?"

"I tried it... once."

My aunt dropped her fork. We all just stared at him flabbergasted.

Seeing everyone staring in disbelief he started to get very shy and backtrack "well, I didn't know it was dog poo. I thought it was choco-" my aunt held his mouth shut, mortified. She changed the subject and said she'd go get him strawberry jam.

... honestly, I tried the jam after they left... it was... not great.

Not my kid. May as well. This is more creepy.

I babysit. I was babysitting 3 kids, Charlie, Aiden and Jay.

Charlie, the youngest, who was 3, went in the bathroom and stared at the ceiling vent and repeated "he's coming, he's coming, he's coming, he's coming." Over and over again, emotionless. The other 2, 5 and 6, joined in. I asked who's coming, no response. No matter what I said, no response. I told their mother and she said that they think the apartment is haunted.

Not my children (I'm 14), but my brother.

He was sleepwalking. He walked into my mother's room, sat on her bed and said "I wan't chicken nuggets for dinner mom. Don't forget the ketchup." She nearly lost it.

Not my kid, but my youngest sister (17-year age difference) couldn't think of the word goosebumps and emphatically said "I have chicken skin!"

When my daughter was three, she climbed in the car and would not move over for me to put her little sister in the car. When I sternly told her to move over immediately, she glared at me with lowered eyebrows and responded very serious and spoke very slowly and said, “Do not talk to me in that tone of voice!” To hear this from a three year old in a three year olds voice was hysterical. I knew I had my hands full.

I can self-consciously provide a quote of my own (as a child myself) : "I'll give your eyes back in a minute!"

One time my little brother said "what if everything just dies right now and I'm all alone?"

I don’t have kids (Im a teenager) but I remember one day I had gotten no sleep the night before and was a bit delirious. I started just saying “sport” over and over again because I though the word was so hilarious. My whole family just kept looking at me like I was crazy