Hey Pandas, What Scares You The Most? (Closed)

Losing freedom to choose for myself, be it my clothing, my hair, my medical care, my faith expression (or lack thereof!).... Just don't take my freedom to choose. Or to speak up in peaceful protest!

The next pandemic...based on how a large percentage of the population ignored legitimate medical advice, spread misinformation, and basically put their individual rights before the health of others (and themselves). If the next pandemic has a higher mortality rate and/or higher transmission rate, the death toll will be catastrophic.

The death of my son. At the age of 28 He was diagnosed with a rare, and incurable disease called Kearns-Sayre Syndrome (a mitochondrial disease). None of his doctors have heard of it, and if they have - it was briefly. The following year (still 28 years old) they put in a pacemaker - a preventative measure, as his heart could stop at any time regardless of what he’d be doing. Everything that I have read about it tells me the life expectancy is around 50 years of age. He’s 39 now. His hearing has gotten worse, and his gait is off. So much that he now needs a walker. Before he was only using a cane, but he kept falling. Last month he told me he’s been having a hard time swallowing. When my sister and I go to his place, we do stuff like take out his trash, and recycling. I clean the cat litter. There is no medication he can take, only supplements, so he takes those. He can still work, drive, and eat. For the most part he is doing well as can be. He sees his friends, but I pay for Uber rides so he won’t need to drive. Around 4 or 5 o’clock he gets really tired and needs to lay down. My entire family knows, and are aware of his needs (at family gatherings someone will help him sit down, or walk a certain distance, and get him food). It is devastating. I’m only talking for myself here - as his mother - it pains my soul to know I can’t put a bandage on this, tell him he’ll be fine, and kiss it better. Instead, I go to his place, we watch whatever he wants to see on Netflix. Sometimes he forgets he’s shown me a program already, and I’ll watch it again because he’s excited to show me, and that’s fine. Like a little kid that tells you the same joke 87,000 times. I’ve seen the Mandalorian 3 times now. We text every day, and he sends me silly TikTok videos. In late July he and I flew to Southern California for my brother’s memorial. I asked my son if he wanted to stay a few days. He said no, just overnight. He was already tired from flying. After we got back, I took FMLA, and stayed home for 2 months. It wasn’t because of the death of my brother, but of my son admitting out loud his health issues, and accepting that he needed a walker, to take things slower, and be mindful of his limitations. His sense of humour has not waned. His constant silly line - and something he made up - to me is “MOM! Come over so you can carry me into the night.” Unfortunately I know somewhere down the line I will be doing exactly that.

Population pressure on the planets resources.

Burying loved ones. Our parents we expect, for that is the circle of life. But my siblings, partner or own children... no thank you. Just let me go first.

I think of this almost all the time and the only thing that I can honestly admit scares me is being alone. Sometimes being alone triggers that feeling of abandonment from my past... it also triggers the feeling of general panic when I think about the unknown and how much I fear not having someone close that I can trust. Not having someone to guide me through life, because honestly, that's something I need. I almost need my hand held because I'm not fully integrated into society.

Due to my unfortunate upbringing, I was always taught (rather, I was trained) that I would be nothing without someone showing me the way. I was always treated like a misguided child, even well after eighteen years old (I'm thirty-one now) and convinced that I could not survive on my own. To this day, the codependency is real and it's a struggle. One of the more common side-effects of being a codependent is being very afraid of being alone, living alone, going places alone... and it stuck with me. I am afraid of being alone.

How can I safely expose myself to this fear?

The first thing my mind jumps to when it comes to this sorta thing is exposure therapy in and of itself - so for myself, how would I go about facing this fear? I would, ironically, need someone with me for the encouragement, but I would also need to simply spend more time alone with my thoughts. Which I have been, hence where this Shadow Work is coming from.

Escaping the fear is easy. Previous to writing any of my posts, I would do anything possible to get away from myself. I would turn to substances and get so "far beside myself" that I couldn't see straight. I couldn't see my problems. I couldn't see myself. I've since become much more comfortable with my own company for short periods of time - I don't think I could go a whole entire day without panicking, but a good six or seven hours alone doesn't bother me as much anymore! That's progress, right? As long as I have someone with me at the end of the day, I'm golden... but that leaves my codependency enabled to some degree. No, we don't have to live totally alone all the time, but to voluntarily become a responsibility all because I'm afraid is very unfair to my loved ones and to the person I would be depending on.

Off the top of my head, I can think of a few ways I could expose myself to my fear and slowly overcome it: going somewhere on my own (the store, library, or even for a walk), turning off social media for a short while and spending more time alone with my thoughts (uninfluenced), and simply applying coping skills on those days where I am alone longer than I can stand. Yes, sometimes it's hard to remember our coping skills when panic sets in and it feels like free will is stripped from us, but we must remember that we are stronger than our anxieties and we are stronger than our fears. I think simply having more confidence will help me become less dependent on others in the future. That's a good place to start, I think! Baby, baby steps.

White Supremacists.

The thought of my children dying before me.

Losing my friends and family. School shootings at my school, family member school, friends' school... yeah.

Dying before my youngest child is an adult.

The US government. Yes I vote.

Great heights

Deep water. It just feels like it's squeezing me, and I feel like I can't breathe.
My friends unaliving themselves, and there might've been something I could do to stop them.

Quite honestly, what I fear most in life is not knowing what legacy would I be leaving when my time comes. I'm not gonna say I'm not afraid to die, but not knowing what I leave behind scares me more. Will I be remembered as a good man, or will people only remember my wrongs? (I'm not a perfect being, I know I have done wrong somewhere at some point).

Perhaps what I can do now is to ensure I leave behind as best a legacy as I can at least. Do right by others so they would remember be as a better man. I will stumble, and I will fall. But when I'm gone, I want others to know that I did what I could, as best I could.

I don't know where I'm headed when it's my time comes, but if people remember me as a good/decent person when I was still alive, perhaps I can face the afterlife with a lighter heart.

The thought of drowning. I don't have a great reason like I almost drowned at some point in my life, it just has become the dominant fright for me. I guess it's my imagination, and I use it to picture myself being trapped in an underwater cave (how I got there, not relevant), stuck up against the roof of the chamber, clawing blindly at the ceiling. Finally letting go of my last breath, and then marveling at how much blood comes out of my mouth as I painfully choke on the water. ((((((SHUDDER)))))))

Scared, and curious of death and my family and friends dying. What is death like? Is it just floating in the darkness alone? What would I do when my friends and family are gone? Should I join them. That is what I ponder everyday. But what I most fear is time. TIme is ticking, every second. What if I didn't solve my mistake as my time is over? I will never know when time will end as time is mysterious.

Not being able to feed my kids.
It is ridiculous somehow, but I can’t help it.
Both my wife and I have a stable situation. We don’t have any problems with money and are very grateful for this. But I am literally horrified to think I could hear one of my sons tell me “Dad, I’m hungry” and I would answer “I know sweetie, I am sorry, there is no food left”.
I am trying to fight against this. And I have a stock of long shelf-life food in case there is a major disaster. I know how to grow vegetables. I know how to hunt. I have a huge rainwater tank and know how to make it drinkable. I had a survival training course.
Despite all this I am still scared. I value their life more than anything else. Being a dad really screwed me up!

Nuclear weapons & CARNIES! Circus folk. Small hands, smell like cabbage, you know....🎪🤗

In world war 2, tanks were conventional weapons and nuclear bombs were unconventional weapons. I world war 3, nuclear bombs will be conventional weapons, and I'm terrified to think how deadly the unconventional weapons will be.

Living too long.