Hey Pandas, What Strange Things Have You Overheard?

I'm not sure if this counts as being, "overheard," but it was definitely not meant to be announced. My family of six was sitting in church. Harried and tired my teenagers were grumpy that they had to be at church in the early morning on a weekend. They were bickering with one another in that silent but loud enough that anyone could tell they were pissy kind of way. I was rolling my eyes a lot. They'd survive.
Anyway, there's a part in our church ceremony where everyone is supposed to be very quiet and reverent. No talking and no loud noise at all. In the midst of the semi-silence (there were a lot of young children present) a little girl in the pew just in front of us started to play peek-a-boo with us. Ducking behind her dad's head and then coming back out with a huge smile. It gave us all a chance to chill out and smile back.
However, we had no idea that the child would feel such a close bond with us after just a little game that she'd start sharing family secrets!
In a whisper shout that hopefully only reached our family's ears she announced, "My mommy and daddy take showers together"!
The chaos that ensued was something I'll never forget. One of my daughters emitted a snort-laugh, my son tried to cover his startled shout of laughter with a cough that was amazingly obvious and the parents scooped up their little tattle-tale and booked it out of the meeting so fast that I was surprised not to see the roadrunner's cloud of dust behind them.
All I could do was cross my legs and try not to pee my pants in public. (If your a mom of multiple children, you understand). My family silently shook with laughter for much too long. All in attendance then stared daggers at us as if we were the ones that were disturbing the peace. And I guess we were. But we surely didn't care. So. Very. Worth. It.
Needless to say, there was no more fighting or anger on the drive home. We were all amazingly entertained by the sweet little girl and her lovely innocence.
Even though we tried to reassure them that it wasn't a big deal, every time we saw the couple and their daughter after that, they acted as if we had caught them in the act or something. The little girl however, loved my kids and never missed a chance to loudly say hello... but only for a moment... before her mouth was covered and she was whisked far, far away.

Sitting on the train on my way back from a trip visiting friends, I was slightly hungover and tired and just wanted to sleep. Opposite of me was a young girl, (about 8-9) chatting non-stop. Her dad seemed to be pretty tired too and just wanted her to be quiet for a while, so he pulled out a puzzle book for her, hoping that would work – it didn't, it made things worse.

She had chosen a crossword puzzle to solve, and every few seconds she asked “Papa, what is another word for XYZ”? After a few minutes of this, she asked:
“Papa, what's a rare boy's name beginning with J”
With a really loud sigh, he answered “Jennifer” to which the little girl exclaimed “But that's not a boy's name!!”
To which the father dryly replied, “Yeah, that's why it's so rare”.

I don't know if it was because I was so tired, but my hungover a$$ couldn't stop laughing.

I was talking with some girls in English last year and they were talking about their crushes. I said what's he like and she started out her sentence with, "Well, he's not homophobic or racist-" I had to interrupt her. There aren't many good guys at our school but god damn is this where the bar has come to???

As a child, about 6, I woke up in the middle of the night, from my bedroom, I heard what sounded like pots and pans being moved about in the kitchen downstairs, I was convinced we had a ghost. I shifted position to hear better, the sound turned out to be my brother, in the bunk bed below, snoring. How they sounded alike I do not know.

I keep a list of funny situations on my phone…here are a few.

Random lady in car driving by
“DID YOU EAT MY COOKIE?!?!?!?!”

“Maybe they’ll have sex tonight cuz then we can’t hear them” -The group of middle aged ladies sitting behind me in the waiting area of the airport

Random little kid at Target: “There’s a hole in my tooth!”
Mom: “Stop lying to me!”

At an art museum with my grandma.
Random older lady on phone whispering loudly: “Do you have your fancy underwear on?”

I was sitting in the business school lounge at my college and overheard a kid say to his friend “dude I got her pregnant”. They walked away before I heard any more of the story, but I wonder how he’s doing today.

I was just waiting in line for a snorkeling trip and I hear a group of people, here’s there conversation:
1: Hey your toes are really long
2: No, your toes are bigger
1: But yours are hairier
2: But yours are so ugly!

I’m not even going to type out the rest, you get the idea

I work in retail so I overhear many things said by many people of the general public. It gets even better because I mainly work in the carpark doing trolleys as one of very few people who can do that job for long hours at a time. So I'll just list a few of the best ones with a bonus story

1: Walking out of the shop to the carpark I pass by two women near a trolley bag. As they walk past me in my regular daydream I snap back to reality at the exact moment one of them says to the other "Did you get a Loan Fish?" Followed by no reply as I kept walking. To this day I still have no idea what a Loan Fish is

2: Once again in a Daydream I walk past a small group of people in the Underground Carpark, a place I call the Underpark. This group was standing just behind a parked car (presumably theirs) and all of a sudden I hear "Are you winning?". Now at the time I entered a sort of crisis thinking like "Am I winning?" But with further thought a phone was involved. They were probably playing a mobile game

Bonus Story: We have this horrible busy lane of Trolley Bays in the Underpark I simply call Lane 4. Everyone hates doing it because that's where literally everyone ever seems to park so it fills up super quickly and if we aren't fast with the rest of our job, they overflow into the road and we end up having aggressive negotiations with the managers. Anyway as I was about to start taking in multiple rows I had gathered at the base of Lane 4 a woman walks out of the shop holding a biscuit tin. At the other end of my lime of trolleys she stops to stare me dead in the eye then raises the Biscuit Tin above her head before starting to violently shake it which causes her entire body to shake. She shouts out "Venn Kik" at me then put the Biscuit Tin back in her arms and continues on her way. Not knowing what else to do I just said "Yeah, alright" on a slightly confused manner and moved on. However "Venn Kik" haunted my mind the rest of the day so when I got home I typed it into Google Translate on detect Language. Turns out she said "Friend, Look" leading me to believe that she was just simply happy with her biscuit tin and wanted to share that. Can't quite remember but I think the language was Danish, it was a while ago. Tbh the language isn't what stick in my head, Venn Kik was

Thank you for reading!!

"People ate Lebron James?!?"
I heard this when I was in middle school, it's stuck with me ever since. I never got any context for it and it sometimes eats me up inside.

My parents divorced when I was in college. Went back to hometown during a school break and stayed with my childhood best friend. I slept on the couch in the living room nearest to the kitchen. Early the next morning, I overheard her mom telling someone (don't remember who) that she thought my mom had "lost her marbles" for getting divorced. Hurt that someone who was always warm, welcoming, and caring would judge my family so poorly for that mutual decision.

"BUT DID YOU EAT THE ZOMBIES?!?!"

~random child at the mall on the phone with someone

When I was a teenager I went to get a glass of water late at night and heard my parents talking about our bank account.

Preface: We were a lower working class family, and throughout my childhood I had a fear that one day we would be completely broke and was just getting over that fear. The worry in my dad's voice brought all those fears back to me and to this day I am terrified my money will somehow be gone when I wake up

Literally today when I was in Social Studies, we were labeling countries and their capitals using an atlas. Brazil was one of them. I heard one of my classmates in a desk behind me say
“Oh my god I almost forgot that they don’t speak Brazilian, it’s Portuguese!”

Not really overhearing, but I was camping with friends a while ago and then I suddenly hear "imma stick my finger in the thingy!", I whirled around in confusion and asked, horrified, what she said.
She repeated herself, and then pointed (you'll never guess it) at a sea anenome (spelling that weird I bet).
Anyway, she was gonna put her finger in the sea anenome, still weird, but less weird than the thingy.

honey, why did you clean the whole house yesterday just so you can flip everything upside down all over again? you need to get your anger issues sorted (the lady then smashed a couple glasses on the floor and walked out)

"What does this colour smell like to you?"

Two people at my school, two girls/

Girl 1: Ooh, I'm going to spank the [Equinus Asinus] off your legs.
Girl 2: *I forget what she said but it was something not that important*
Girl 1: I'm just kidding. I wouldn't spank you without that s*xy consent.

What the hell?!

I witnessed someone’s breakup at The Great Escape when I was 10, a woman said “even after all the sh*t we went through you’re breaking up with me?”

I witnessed someone’s breakup at The Great Escape when I was 10, a woman said “even after all the sh*t we went through you’re breaking up with me?”

I was helping out at a charity event and went to the bathroom for a bit of a rest. . .
I heard a woman enter the next cubicle with a small child as she sat down to have a wee the child said …
Mummy ….
Why do you have a moustache…There ?
She replied that everyone gets one when they are grown up which I thought was a pretty clever reply but …

The child was silent for a few moments and then I heard him say
“ Does It Have Teeth “ ?
Dont ask me what she replied because I was too busy laughing. !