Hey Pandas, What Was The Hardest Choice In Your Life? (Closed)

Not killing myself

Not losing it in the last hours of my husbands life. I wanted him to go in peace.

to leave my marriage of 32 years because i still loved my husband but realized that i didn't want to deal with his issues anymore. it was particularly hard because i have a chronic debilitating disabling condition. there were people who thought i was crazy for the decision because they all felt that i "needed" him because of my health issues....how could i live without his support? but, i left and now, 10 yrs later am doing great. i mourned my marriage and it took several years to move to a better place. but, the reality is that while my disability has progressed other areas of my well being have gotten much better. a shout out to my dad who listened to me for five years, basically expressing how i still cared for my husband but knew it was toxic. and to my son who kept his opinions about his dad to himself. looking back, i think my dad and my son's silent support gave me the strength to make a decision was hard but necessary because they believed in my abilities. now, i sometimes wonder why i waited so long to leave and then come to the realization i needed to know i was worth more than what he saw - a person living with a degenerative disease who needed him rather than a person who was surviving a degenerative disease that wanted to continue to share a life. all in all, i think he was the one that developed a disability because he is still trapped by his own issues.

Carry on drinking and dying or stop drinking and have a chance of living longer. Every day is a struggle, physically and mentally. Early days, two month’ish sober. Anyway, I can’t die, my wife wouldn’t have a clue how to deal with the finances.

Deciding to come out. Also deciding whom to come out to.

Divorce. Even though he did not cheat did not hit. People deserve to be happy. Divorce so that you can stop making each other smaller is a hard but good choice.

Leaving the Royal Navy, where I was training to be a pilot, because of panic attacks. This was in the early 1960s and I still have anxiety attacks. I had wanted to be a navy pilot since I was five yeas old!

To stop being guilty about my cat dying without me being there. It was so hard when he was taken to a hospital and died in my dad's arms while I was at a birthday party. He was there for me every day for 2 years, (he died at 4 because of a urinary problem) and I wasn't there when he needed it the most. It still haunts me everyday, and it happened two years ago.

To finally leave my husband of 22 years earlier this year. He hid an oxycontin and fentanyl addiction for 2 years. He eventually moved onto cocaine because, "Cocaine is better than oxy and fentanyl, it's not a real drug" He was selling coke, pills, and weed, shrooms and whatever else he could get his hands on and wouldn't get a real job. I walked out the door when he said he had no desire to stop using and get a job. He used to never use drugs and just five years ago made 6 figures. He chose to be a 43 year old junkie over his wife and best friend. I miss him every day but I have a new life and I'm happy.

My PTSD led to depression and suicidal thoughts, glad i didn't kill myself though

To not reveal my intelligence.

Letting my daughter walk away after her husband made her chose between him or me. She chose him because she never wanted to get divorced (like me). That was 15 years ago. Unfortunately, I recently found out that he cheated on her and they are getting divorced. I am hoping that she knocks on my door as I would never force myself on her.

Choosing to continue to look for help. I went though a rather tough time over the past few years and I got suicidally depressed. And I did have two attempts that failed. After the last one I got found out and was confronted by my family and it was then I decided that I could either start looking for help or continue to spiral down alone until something did finally happen. So I started searching, found local help groups and talk groups online and went to a few with minimal effect. Eventually I got hold of some numbers for therapists and they all refused me. Either because they outright said they didn't believe me or because they didn't do as many sessions as I needed. It got to a point where I was calling numbers for help and expecting them to turn me away and I lost hope for them. So after a few weeks I faced the same choice. Continue to look for help or spiral back down to where I started until something eventually happens. I chose to continue to look for help and I did eventually get a single meeting with someone a year later as an introduction session to decide whether or not they can refer me to an actual therapist. And at that point I finally felt like something actually got moving and that change was going to happen. I've now got more hobbies, got new friends to talk to and confide in and I've just found a way to improve my living situation. Things I wouldn't have if I just continued to sit there and do nothing

The absolute hardest thing was to take my 16 years old be to be put down. I've always wondered what made someone make that decision. Mostly the answer was that "you just know" my guy at 16 was deaf, and then blind. He had his routine of going outside checking on the perimeter of the yard on his own. He still are fine sorry in his bed and seemed quite content. Then my brother started construction all around me as I lived in a room of of Dad's workshop in the back. Jackhammer and bulldozer right outside my door. I had to carry him out to the sidewalk to get on sinus ground again and take him out to go potty. I had decide that if he reached a point where he couldn't do and would end up getting lost inside and end up standing in a corner. My gut was telling me he was not happy, not or content anymo. Hhis whole world was turned upside down.wasn't until he started pee blood and i was going to take him in to see the vet. It was at that point I made the decision. He was my lost little boy.. It was a sudden decision; not something I had been thinking about for any time. I realized that would be me just I wanted to have him with me for just one last night. But that would selfish of me to put him thru one more night of pain confusion. He had his head out the window on the car, enjoing the wind blowing on his face. At the vet, he did his automatic sit for the treat from the vet when she came in. Then I say on the floor holding him close as he got the first shot that was to sedate him util the second shot took effect.. he had no fear or anxiety, just peacefully drifted off to sleep until.l he was gone. I'm happy that his last moments were of feeling loved just knowing he was was safe and wrapped up in love.. I sobbed so much still lying on the floor holding him so tightly unill my friend took me out of the room.

That was the hardest thing I've ever experienced in my life. Even worse than loosing mom or my dad.

Reliving it here .I've never let myself think about it at all. For ten years 10 years. Time had not healed this pain.

This Christmas day will be one year since my most recent litte baby girl Chloe died on Christmas day.

I don't know if posting about this was a good idea or not

But something made me answer this question

Moving across the country to live with my boyfriend and away from my homophobic father.

being myself in a really tough fam

At 27 I was diagnosed with cancer in my uterus and told that I needed a hysterectomy. Our daughter was 7 and our son 5. The Dr. asked if we were through having kids because post-op there was no going back. He said they caught it very early.
He said if we wanted to try for one last kid to get pregnant as fast as we could and he would monitor me super closely. He said that there was a chance that if the cancer got busy he would have to abort to save my life.
We talked it over and decided we wouldn't want to take the chance of absolutely losing a baby at 50/50 odds because cancer isn't predictable. That one was pretty hard. But I've got two great kids I wouldn't trade for gold.

Moving my first wife to "comfort measures only". It was all the worse because our marriage was hitting some rough spots that would have (had she recovered) lead us at least to counselling or (more likely) to divorce court.

Getting past being an alcoholic and nearly killing myself on multiple occasions

I didn’t think that this could even happen, but I guess it can. I once had feelings for three men at once. I eventually forced myself to choose one of them.