Hey Pandas, What Was The Hardest Decision You’ve Ever Made? (Closed)

The hardest choice I had to make was deciding I didn't want to be friends with my best friend anymore. It's still really hard to see her, but if she really cared about me, she wouldn't have just let me go.

To do the painful thing and leave the dark places of my life...move on.
None of me wanted to do it.
Sometimes it's easier to stay depressed or stay with people that hurt you, or not go to therapy.
Don't tell yourself you can "cope" with it.
You are worth more than that.

I’m trying to decide right now whether to try to save a difficult friendship or move on and distance myself from them. They have treated me pretty horribly in the past and I have a lot of insecurities and anxiety because of how they have treated me. But they don’t know how awful it was, they never apologized but are now (hopefully) treating me better? They are pretty much the only friends I’ve ever had, and I want to believe that they have changed. I’m terrified that I’ll decide to stick around and have to go through it all again, but it would hurt so much to leave. We go to different schools now, so do I try to keep in contact or stop texting them? If we remain friends they have the chance to hurt me again, but if I don’t I’ll be more lonely than I can describe. I’m very torn and terrified of making the wrong choice, especially as every week that passes without making a decision I can feel the friendship slipping away. I’m also terrified to talk to them about it for many reasons.

I had a dog who was my baby. She was never meant to be mine. Her owners gave her to me to train and bring back. When I did, she was happy to see them but after I left she just cried at the door, wouldn't eat or drink anything for multiple days... her owners (who loved her) chose to give her to me for free after seeing how depressed she became. I absolutely loved her. She was me if I were a dog. Never up before noon; hated rain and the mud; loved fireplaces and candles. She would inexplicably get very excited when the mad men theme would start and (even from a dead sleep) throw herself down the stairs with great force, tear around the corners and launch herself onto the couch in prime viewing and stare at the tv for hours on end of it was a mad men marathon.
One day, after having her for like 6 years, I noticed her leg was swollen. This can happen if she pulled something (she did alot of dog sport training though I did not compete with her because we also found out a year into having her that she had epilepsy). I went through stretches and none seemed to bother her which was confusing. I took her to the vet a couple of days later. They tested her for cancer, she had been cleared the previous month (as rottweilers are very susceptible)... lo and behold she had bone cancer... incredibly aggressive cancer already completely through her leg and shoulder.

She was still herself apart from a limp... still happy go lucky and slightly neurotic... So... I took the recommended palative care meds, moved my duvet and pillow to the couch and slept in the living room for the next month (since she couldn't do stairs anymore). And slowly watched her leg get worse and worse... waiting for her to stop being herself but she acted like it was a mild inconvenience-- she would catch rays in her Adirondack chair on the deck and watch our other rott run around. She would still try to jump into the couch and snuggle if I was on my laptop. S she would still pull my duvet onto herself when she wanted to make me giggle.

One evening, mad men came on, I saw her little nub wiggling, but she just laid there. It was the first night she hadn't tried to jump into the furniture when her favourite show was on. She didn't even watch the show, she just watched the wood-burning fireplace. I bawled my eyes out and she came over and leant against me, licking the tears from my face. I went to take her to the vet the next day to put her down (this was before home euthanasia was commonly available). I was holding the sling and her leash and she trotted (well, hobbled with speed) to a bag from Disney with minnie mouse ears I bought her but never put on her ans pulled them out. Like she wanted me to remember her that way and see me happy. So... just before putting her in the car to say goodbye for the last time, my crying a*s is taking photos of her in minnie ears while she's making silly 'wind in my face' poses and getting visibly frustrated that I'm not laughing.

Literally everything in that story was the hardest thing I have done-- except be a good dog mum to the best dog I could ever ask for.

a lot of my "friends" are not who I thought they were. obsessed with really messed up things and glorifying them in the process. it is really hard for me to just not be around them as I go to a smaller school, so I don't have much choice, but it triggers me to be around them. I cannot fathom how none of them realize it is wrong or maybe they are too scared to speak out, as there are kinda two toxic "ringleaders" that are most of the problem. either way, i am putting more distance between them and I and making new friends through sports and such, but it is kind of painful bc I thought was going to be the time that I could have nice friends and be comfortable around them. i have been to many schools and met some not so great people, so maybe I was just desperate and trying to make them be the people I needed in my mind, even though it wasn't true, which it why it is so hard to undo now. It has been over a year and a half and I don't know how much longer I go without saying anything, but it feels better to put some distance between them and I, even though it is hard. I think I just need to let go, and put it out of my mind because in all honesty, it isn't my problem at all that they are like that, and I should stop caring so much.
sorry for the vent, but it feels a little better to put it in words.

Ask for help and start therapy. so far not regretting it

To be completely vulnerable, emotionally transparent, and have no secrets of any kind. It cannot be done under all conditions, or with everyone, but I cannot refuse if someone is honestly trying to learn how to be ok, no matter how I feel about it. Despite many challenges, it has resulted in, among other things, the lifting of paranoia, regret, and less than. But not fear. But there are ways around and through almost anything, though not when alone. Too much more littler stuff to tell briefly.