Hey Pandas, What Was Your ‘Gay Awakening’? (Closed)

When I began middle school, I met this other gal named Savanna. We became fast friends and hung out together incessantly. When we both became freshmen, she became a cheerleader and I, despite being no where near cheerleader material, followed her just to be with her more.

Two years later, she was killed in a car accident. The moment I heard she was gone, I realized I had long since fallen in love with her, but it took losing her to see that love for what it really was.

That was over 20 years ago and I still started crying writing this. I guess you really never stop loving your first.

Not a gay awakening as such, I am heterosexual, more of a realisation that people are not necessarily 100% straight. And that sexuality is not black and white.
I watched the Rocky Horror Picture Show aged 18 and thought wow, those men look hot ins suspenders and boots.
Since then I can admit to finding women, men, people that straddle that line, attractive.
Never explored that attraction, not sure if I ever will. but can happily admire beauty and sexiness.

When I realized I was looking at girls more than guys. I have had a gf for 12 years now and am happy about my place in LGBTQ+ community.

The one I tell people is Herminone from Harry Potter but I know the truth
... Doofenshcmritz's daughter from Phineas and Ferb

When I was in 7th grade, I went to a summer camp. I had lots of fun, and I met a great girl. We laughed a lot, and I had this fluttering feeling whenever I saw her. I kept trying to deny what I felt, as I grew up in a strict Catholic household. Eventually though, I realized what I was feeling was okay, and I shouldn't be ashamed of myself.

I was watching Brooklyn Nine Nine with my parents, and when one of the characters came out as bisexual, I thought "Huh, I didn't know that was an option, sounds cool."

This was six months after my parents and I got lost in Stockholm because of a Swedish pride parade.

Ahem….I present Poison Ivy, the villainess.

Ace but emotionally romantic here:

Never had any desire/interest in dating, no physical attraction to people but never thought too much about it. Did have a boyfriend for a time, but was always more in tune with the emotional over physical aspects. There were times when I wondered what was wrong with me, especially when he started to get pushy with physical things. Thankfully that broke off after highschool as there was a lot wrong with that relationship. (A lot of judgement and pressure among other things).

One day driving home my Mum turns to me at random and asks: hey are you ace?

I thought for a few moments and basically went
"Ooooh. That makes sense."

Putting a word to it helped with the feelings of being "broken" in a way, and it opened up a way to communicate up front with people. It makes growing close to people a lot easier now, although there is still always the fear that while people say they are okay with things up front, that at some point there will be disappointment.

Thinking about it also helped me reflect on the fact that I tend to get crushes on girls far more often lol.

For my transness it was less an awakening and more 'hey maybe it isn't normal to wince whenever I hear someone referring to me with she/her pronouns' and even then it took way too long for me to accept it. I was actually wearing a he/they pin for about a month before I changed my pronouns just cause I wanted people to assume I wasn't a girl. It's really funny in retrospect.
My gay awakening was more 'o s**t that guys hot I think I'm bi' and then eventually realizing that while I am in fact bi I really do prefer guys and I identify mostly as gay with the occasional exception (usually for someone who's nonbinary). Back before I transitioned I had actually convinced myself I was a lesbian even though I never felt any sort of attraction to girls at all. I mean props to me for knowing I was gay I just didn't know which way I was gay

When I was 4 and was stalking a very attractive 19-year-old wherever I went. Looking back it was very creepy but I was barely able to know what attraction was. (We're both guys)

I always "knew" I was aroace (aromantic and asexual), and even on a small level nonbinary, despite not growing up with the terminology. My family will tell you the story about how I loudly declared at several points in my childhood that IF I *somehow* ever got married, I wouldn't be kissing my husband. I'd give him a fist bump instead. My gender expression and view of my body were not really either solidly Male or female, and I'd often take steps to specifically be seen as one or the other. I didn't exactly question it, even after I learned about being gay or binary trans? I kinda thought it was just how cis het people thought, and if anything I was pan.

I learned I was not straight or cis because of online roleplays I took part in with friends as a teenager where at three separate points in the span of a year I had to Google parts of my identity so I didn't seem like a colossal idiot (asexual, agender, and then aromantic).

Somehow, I did not feel like any less of an idiot 😔

Last year (sixth grade) my pe class was in a football unit and the boys were being a*sholes to me and one of my friends. I was like "well i hate boys and i bond better with girls. am i lesbian?" surprise surprise I was bi for a while before I (yet again) realised I only romantically like girls. Now I'm also asexual and demigirl.

A picture turned me on. The album cover of "Wish I'd Taken Pictures" by the Pansy Division. Half naked guy with a camera. Not even that. Fully clothed in pajamas with the top open. You can't even see anything. It triggered months of mental confusion and questioning and denial, begging to a higher power, beating myself up, tearing myself down. Nothing brought satisfaction. Nothing brought relief. Until I kissed a guy. Before that kiss, I could still deny the reality. After the kiss? Gay. ALL that angst - poof. Like a fart in the wind. All those questions? What questions? Of course I'm gay. A picture turned me on, made me question everything about myself until I reset my reality with a kiss.

I’ve had two sort of distinct ones, one was more of a creeping suspicion and the other was a Hail Mary.

1) Kinda stupid, but playing Super Smash Bros: WoL in Spirit Mode. I had a type. I managed to halfway convince myself that I liked the pretty girls just bc I appreciated the art, but… nope.

2) I realized that straight people aren’t super uncomfortable with the idea of being straight/in a straight relationship. I just… really didn’t want to be straight. It seemed wrong. And yet I was still pretty convinced that I was doomed to be eternally hetero. Nope, I’m as gay as they come 😜🏳️‍🌈

Edit: I am gender-fluid, however I still consider myself to be lesbian. If that makes sense. I don’t have masculine energy very often, it’s typically feminine, androgynous, or demi-masculine. And THAT whole roller coaster is another story altogether.

I realized I was bi around 18 when I realized at least half the girls I dated could easily be mistaken for guys, and noticed nothing turned me off more than a woman with huge breasts (Kinda changed since my wife is slightly above average in bust size, but that wasn't the quality that attracted me in the first point.). It was totally confirmed when I first saw Rob Lowe in St. Elmo's Fire.

I recently realized I am bisexual. I figured It out because there is a girl (I am also a girl) in my school that I've always been really attracted to. It took me a while to figure it out because I had never felt like that before, but It's the longest crush I've ever had on anyone. It's been a year and a half and I still really like her.

Less of a "Gay awakening" and more of an Ace one.
About 6 months ago I realized I was forcing myself to like people, and that I never really felt an attraction to people choked it up to me being demisexual. Then I started scrolling on ace subreddit and watching ace videos from onetopicatatime and such and was like "Woah I relate to that a lot! Still not ace tho" Lol-

When I was younger I was OBSESSED with Zendaya and Tom Holland, I had HUGE crushes on them. And that's how I realized I am absolutely Bi or Pan.

Lesbian awakening: everyone else is telling me to get a boyfriend but boys are so gross. Holy hell she’s hot! Whelp, I’m gay 🤷🏻.

Nonbinary awakening happened when I was much younger but I couldn’t put words to it until recently. The boys seem so much cooler. I want to be like them, but not a boy. I don’t want to be a girl either. I know that that sounds obvious, but this was a 3rd graders train of thought

Some information first, I come from a verry christian family that despite saying they don't judge anyone and love all they really have it out for anything to do with LGBTQIA+.

I had from a young age been verry curious about girls, but had to hide it. The first year of middle school I had a friend who would help me explore this side of me that I have been hiding for so long. Eventually we started to be more than friends and she was one of the only people who accepted me for all of me. She later moved away and I will always wonder what happened to her, it was like one of those hazy dreams in the warm summer breeze. I am now In highschool and I came out to my parents but they rejected it and so now I'm forced to be the perfect Christian child that they want. But I will always wonder what she and I could have become.