Hey Pandas, What Were The Signs That You Were Raised By Toxic Parents? (Closed)

My mom telling that I poisoned the weekend, and thinking that that was normal

I call myself stupid alot... to the point that my husband and friends tell me to stop. I never noticed that I do it to that extent but I really do.

Started working at 13 and paid “rent” to my parents. At 13. I thought that was normal…it’s not.

Anytime I socialized with our visitors my mom would snap at me "Stop showing off".

My mom loved to show her parenting strictness in front of people, so having company over was always super stressful. I got in trouble for anything.

My mom called me hurtful names that you should never say to your own child.

There was no compassion, no remorse, no guilt when my mom was having a fight with her husband. I was told to shut up when I cried.

I'm slowly finding out some clues to lies I've been told about my family.

Mom was crazy. Mom was more important than us. Dad thought opinions was being disrespectful. If you didn't agree with you where being bad. Didn't aways have the things we needed growing up. Dad was very strict and religious. But as he got older he started not be. After my mom died turned into a totally different person. Now drinks and smokes weed. And wants to date women younger than his daughters or about the same age. Says it so he can enjoy the rest of his life......kinda werid for me. But okay whatever. Don't talk to him much anymore because of how toxic he was and still is. We got into arguments all the time because my opinions where being disrespectful to him. Talking about makeup. And nail polish. He seriously mess up in the head.

Adoptive mom telling me my son was going to kill me in my sleep. He was 7. My real mom was murdered by my dad when she was sleeping.

I’m the youngest of 2, my sister is the victim. Our mom verbally abuses her by randomly screaming at her for ‘interrupting her’ (she stops talking and my sis waits 15 secs until she talks and my mom says she was ‘taking a breather’) and lots of other stuff. My sis moves out in 4 years and I’m scared that I will be the victim when she moves out.

I was staying with my parents before getting married, we are very tight knit in general though at times my parents can be toxic... now that I'm older I am trying to forgive alot of it because I realise that 1. They have been trying to be better. 2. There were many things at play that I was too young to really understand when I was a kid (ie. Incorrectly diagnosed mental illness, relationship instability etc) that has contributed to some really toxic things.

So... at the time, they were not keen on me getting married to say the least. They had nothing against him. Of the guys I'd dated he was tied for favourite, they got along well overall. They were dismayed though we were engaged and felt I was too young (mid 20s) and had hopes that I would finish all my schooling first (up to phd). Cut to my mum waking me up at 3am to cry that if I loved her I wouldn't do this. I'm only doing this because I hate her. I am doing it to abandon my family because I was looking for any opportunity. That I don't even love him and he doesn't love me. That he is gay (he is not... and this was the only time she ever tried to say that-- no idea). That he is physically abusive (he absolutely is not) and emotionally abusive (nope) and that he'd leave me the first chance he gets. I'm not wife material and by doing this I am abandoning her so don't expect her to be there when it goes sideways. Also he's against me being educated (no-- in fact that was something he was insistent on) and wants me to abandon school (no) and cook (that is true, because he likes my cooking) and not work (lol farthest from the truth). Then she threatened to not come to the wedding. Said she could die and I wouldn't care. Said it she doesn't go I can't get married without her there... keep in mind... THIS IS 3AM before a midterm.

...I got married, she came to the wedding, and... none of her predicted things came to pass because it was the ramblings of a person desperately trying to see what would stick.

I see my family for family dinners on weekends and we chat in a group chat. I think they are realising that (some) distance isn't as bad as they expected it to be.