Hey Pandas, What Would An Honest Slogan For A Company? (Closed)

Reddit - We're the dark place Mufasa talked about.
Target - We have everything in existence, except for what you need.

Bored Panda~ You will become an addict
Tik Tok- Cringe lift of in 5... 4... 3...
Life, in general, ~ You want happiness? Yea, no.

Disney— That same emotional story which finally ends with protagonist winning, just with different characters.

Netflix— What happy ending??

Apple—We know you'll pay.

Samsung,— A product for most price ranges( Actually that's good about them)

Facebook—Reminder for birthdays and anniversaries

Instagram — Time waste

Twitter— Politics and Karens

Snapchat— Cringe on steroids.

Peace...

Target: Walmart for the Middle Class.

Walmart: Crackhead Central

Disney: By 2030 we’ll own anything and everything when it comes to entertainment.
Pixar: We used to be good.
McDonalds: You’re kids love us, you loved it as a kid, and you still don’t buy it for some odd reason-
Sonic: We’re like McDonalds but the only thing people really like about us is the shakes and slushes-
Family: Everyone hates their siblings, the youngest is the most stereotyped but perceived to be the luckiest. The promise that you’ll be besties with your sibling when you grow up is basically the closest thing you’ll ever have to an actual relationship.
Dr. Pepper: Pepsi but better.
Pepsi: Dr. Pepper needs to watch its mouth- but anyway, we sponsored “It’s a small world”
Dr. Pepper: Pepsi but better. Also we weren’t the one to sponsor a song that gets stuck in your head and irritates you throughout the day.
Pepsi: I’ll have Dr. Pepper know that “It’s a small world” is a beautiful number about everyone sharing the world!
Dr. Pepper: Better than Pepsi, and we didn’t sponsor a lie.
Pepsi: Better than Dr. Pepper.
Dr. Pepper: The soda brand that isn’t living a lie.
Pepsi: The soda brand without the commercials with a crackpot cult based around us but better.
Dr. Pepper: The soda brand with commercials.

Netflix Movies - What Happy Ending?
Netflix Series - You'll never know the ending....
Disney - The same character and plot every time!
Instagram - Complain about your life!
Twitter - Complain!

Lowes: Overpriced tools for Dads

Burger king: Same as Mcdonalds but a nasty breakfast menu

Ram: Massive V12engines Sporting a peak horsepower of 250 with 5MPG and a 6-week limited warranty.

Buzzfeed: A Crappy version of Bored Panda

Nokia: The 45-Year-old Conservative Dad Phone

Airbnb: You left a carton of milk in the fridge, that will be $500.

Clash of Clans: for 11-year-olds and 50+ Year olds

Pepsi: Almost as tasty as Coke

-BeReal: Because we don’t take enough pictures of ourselves already.
-Buccees(Southern gas station chain): We have everything you could ever want, except what you actually need.
-Pepsi: The superior soda pop that is slowly raising your dental bills.
-Walmart: Amazon wannabe(See also, the store you go to when Target is too far away)
-Lays Potato Chips: Half a bag of fried vegetable oil.
-Amazon Prime: You get to pay for the membership, the movies, the shipping, the books on the Kindle worth reading, wait, why did I get the membership again?
-Monopoly: Bringing you the same game with a million different themes! Collect them all!
-Gatorade: Making you more thirsty that you started out.
-Hershey’s(and almost all) dark chocolate: slowly giving you lead poisoning.
-Essie/O.P.I/Sally Hansen/most nail polish name brands: Bringing you carcinogens in every color on the planet! Toxic, cancerous gel now available at your local drugstore for new low prices!
Dove/Secret/etc. Deodorant: Slowly giving you breast cancer while failing to make your armpits smell better.

Disney-we are slowly taking over the world, long live the mouse!

Apple: We just want your money every time a new iPhone is released.
Disney: You know we’re going to buy the film industry eventually.
EA: Ruining games since 1982(F*ck you EA).
United Airlines: Don’t expect your luggage to be fully intact.

My honest slogans pt2
BMW-A**hole drivers and also blinkers aren’t used.
Mercedes-Geriatric white men drive these and also are super expensive.
Spirit Airlines-Ryanair’s American cousin and also we make our planes look like school buses and we charge you for going to school on our plane.
Ryanair- We charge you for everything including your existence on our plane.

Netflix- "Hey you know that show you love? It's canceled. Forever. For no reason. Bye~"

Evri: you want your parcel? Hahaha

Any make up/ anti wrinkle brand: we steal your self-esteem through ads, then sell it back to you with products.

Viagra: When your pėnis is asleep, your ejåculate is a cloud of dust, take our pill for that old man thrill.

Apple

If you get one of our phones you will need to buy a new one every year or else you can't use it!

Postnord- you’ll get your package… someday.

Culvers- never fresh always frozen.

Coca cola: Sorry, we never actually had cocaine in there. We're just as addictive though!

Tinder: Don't date. Just swipe.

Nestlé - "we're just plain evil!"