Hey Pandas, What's A Poem You've Written About Your Mental Health?

Written at different points in my life (not by any means a poet, just used to write sometimes)
At 14:
I sit alone
In the corner of this dark-filled room.
Voices come from all directions, surrounding me,
Suffocating me.
I look down, my vision blurred by my tears,
Admiring the beautiful red sea on my wrist.
Why? I wonder.
Why am I not pretty enough?
Why am I not smart enough?
Why am I not funny enough?
Why am I not good enough?
Why am I the only one who cares?
The voices get louder, choking me.
I gasp for air,
But the air is poisoned;
Poisoned by the words of the strong and the cries of the weak.
So I sit there,
And let the poison fill my lungs,
For this is what He must want.
I cry out,
I scream,
But no one can hear except the spirits who lived here before me.
And then I hear a voice,
A voice unlike all the others.
It is not a moan, not a yell, but a song,
A song of hope,
A song not to give up,
A song to keep going.
And as it ends, sunshine fills this dark room,
Birds chirp outside,
And for the first time, I feel like there’s something out there,
Something better than this.
So I get up,
Out of the corner of this sunshine-filled room,
And sing.

At 19:
I raise the bottle to my lips
Feeling the burn glide down my throat
The more it burns, the better it feels
My head becomes numb, distracted from the stress around me
More and more liquid flows through my body and somehow the bottles almost empty
Tonight, there will be no crying, no stressing
Tonight, I’m dancing on the table
Life is good
Morning comes and the buzz is gone
I light a blunt to ignore my daily responsibilities
Each inhale feels better than the last
I lay back and enjoy the spinning of the room
My head is everywhere and nowhere
Life is good
The sun sets and I feel alone
The silence in the room is killing me
My head fills with thoughts: debt, loneliness, lack of control, death
I look across the room to see a bottle of pills and a bottle of vodka
Do I end it all?
Or numb the pain?
I raise the bottle to my lips
Life?

I'm 14 and I have very bad depression, anxiety, etc. I write poetry all the time! here are my favorites:

1.
Angry at myself for something.
Not a great feeling.
In a pitch dark room at 3 in the morning.
Still not a great feeling.
Tears soaking up the pillowcase.
Even still
not a great feeling.

Wondering what I'd done to be called a 'toxic friend'
Wondering what was going through her head.
Why is it
That no matter how hard I try
I can't keep a friend for more than a year?
And why is it
That sitting in silence on my bed in a pitch dark room spilling silent tears into my pillow at 3 in the morning
Helps absolutely nothing at all
Affects nothing

I can only hear one thing in my head other than the sound of my own heart.
That thing is
I hate you.
It was a mistake to be your friend.
You are toxic.

The phrases playing on repeat in my head in a pitch dark room at 3 in the morning.
Not a great feeling.
No.

Losing your best friend in the blink of an eye is not a great feeling at all.
Sitting alone in a pitch dark room at 3 in the morning pulling out my hair because it's tough on me not knowing what she's thinking.

What she's thought.
What she's said.
What she's felt.
Not a great feeling.

No.
Not a great feeling at all.

2.
I get in moods like this sometimes
It hurts me
Makes me blind
I start to think of you
I can't get you off my mind
I remember all of it
Every piece of you
There are so many things
That I wish you could have knew
I've used up all my tears
I've no more left to cry
I wish that I could end me
I wish that I could die
But I sit here mourning like a fool
Forever asking: “why?”
I tell myself my only rule
Never forget to try

3.
I'm hungry
but I can't eat

I'm tired
but I can't sleep

I'm sad
but I can not
cry

suicidal-
but I can't die

not yet
not now
not here
not ever

I hope not ever

but I cannot promise anything

Sitting here doing nothing
I feel the eyes glaring
Did I do something wrong?
Are my hands in a weird position?
Am I doing something annoying?
What's wrong?
What's wrong with me?
My face gets hot and red
I feel like I can't move
Everyone,
Please just look away.

I don't typically write poetry. I don't know if you would consider this poetry, but, I tried. Please don't downvote me.

Wake up in the morning at 11 AM,
Try to make sense of who I really am,
Been a few years since I was out of school,
Ever since the 20s staying home was cool.

Zoom across the room, log on into Zoom.
Never had to go to the classroom.
Check the microphone and the camera, twice,
Can’t let the others see me not acting nice.

Leave the laptop off my lap top, on the table,
Make sure the connection stays stable,
Slowly drag my feet across the floor,
Put on my shirt and walk out the door.

Lock the doors, lock them up once more,
Doing so feels like a real chore,
Hear a noise right down the hallway.
Never talk to strangers. Nope, no way.

Hear the elevator just open up,
Rush into the lift, hurry, don’t stop.
See a silhouette in the lift door.
Guess I’ll have to wait for an hour more.

Take the bus down to the shopping mall,
Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen em all.
And still I don’t get the widespread appeal,
Of clothes and handbags, deal after deal.

Walk into a fancy restaurant.
Well, not quite fancy but still pleasant.
Order the same dish I always had.
At least the food doesn’t taste quite bad.

Walk out the dining establishment,
And see to my astonishment,
A man and woman locking lips,
“No one cares about your relationships!”

This I knew to be a cope.
No friends, no date, and zero hope.
Tie myself another rope.
Will I do it? No and nope.

Why the sudden outburst?
Will you ever have your first?
They say there’s one for everyone,
But finding her is not much fun.

And even as the setting sun,
Proclaims the day is nearly done,
And even when the night begun,
I sit alone, an only son.

Roses are red
I’m too withdrawn
Nobody would miss me
If I was gone

(Depression and anxiety are great)

So this isn't necessarily about my mental health, but more like it displays my mental health. I did this for school, and had to ask my teacher not to send me to the counsellor.

Do you see
The girl
Walking in the
Forest, happy,
Satisfied
Don’t mind the
Fact she’s dragging
My dead body
behind her.

Ava was by far
The best witch in
Our grade.
Pretty, fair, clever
We all knew that
We stood no chance
Against her.

Adam was by far
The best wizard in
Our grade
Handsome, daring, smart
We all knew
That Ava would
Want him.

Red
Me
The nerd of the school
Kind, thoughtful, weird
I didn’t know
Adam would
like me

Ava. Adam. Red.
Ava and Adam.
Adam and Red.
That what was
whispered
by others

My heart
whispered
Red and Ava.
Things got tense
Feelings hurt
Ava’s magic
Broke loose,
Breaking all my
Bones
My soul left
My body
Murdered by the
One I love.

Maybe it’s for the
Best
Maybe I don’t
Matter

All I know

Ava will join me soon.