Hey Pandas, What's Something That Still Haunts You To This Day? (Closed)

A moment of not knowing what happened. I was in an upside down car and just zoning out, I was so dazed I couldn't understand what happened, but I knew something was wrong.

The feeling of drowning.

Every time I see a body of water, I remember the feeling.

My wife says you wouldn't know to look at me, but she knows I'm doing my pieces on the inside.
She loves that I'm willing to go for a walk in the beach with her and the dogs (it's one of her favourite things to do). And in truth, I always feel like I've enjoyed the walk once it's over, but that lingering feeling at my shoulder only eases when I leave.

The fact that where I come from, parents kill their own children in the name of honour. Look up honour killings in India. It's terrifying. They won't cut you off, let you live alone, they will just kill you and the one you love. And the worst one is, there was such a news on tv. The girl's family killed the boy and the girl chose to live with the boy's family and filed a case against her family including mother, father and brother who conspired to kill the man she loved. And hearing the news, my mother said it's all her fault, if she hadn't fell in love all this would not have happened and her family would not have to go to jail. 🙂.Her family is evil mom, why can't you just see that?! They freaking killed a person!! And you think that's okay???!!
I am afraid of my parents. I love someone too. God help me.

My mother gave me the Grimm's original fairy tales when I was like, 7.

Even if you are an adult already, you shouldn't read them until you are
much older

I told a girl I was really close to that I loved her but she basically just said "oh" and started getting mad at me then pulled out the full a** speech about "right person wrong life" and I will remain salty permanently

The fear of loosing control.

A dream I had when I was like 6 or 7.

I was on an island with a state farm insurance building with lots of windows and glass doors. Middle of the ocean. My mom was inside talking to the insurance agent with my younger sister on her hip and the toddler car seat is outside sitting on the sand near me. No car, no boats, just the sand, building, and ocean. A T-Rex comes out of nowhere and is the size of Godzilla. Scares the shìt out of me and I try to hide behind the car seat, but clearly it didn't work. I was seen and the T-Rex comes charging at me(it was rawring, ig if that is what it is called) and I'm the only one who knows about it because I'm screaming for my mom and they r all oblivious inside the building. And when it is like 1/4 of a mile out the dream ends. The dream wasn't scary, just surprising because it kinda reminded me of dinosaur tran for some reason. This was in like 2012 or 2013.

When I was four years old and my mother getting mad at me because I was so bad. She made me get a suitcase and start packing because she said she was going to take me to the orphanage. I was sure I would never see my much loved daddy ever again. I didn’t know she couldn’t do it. I was very afraid of her for as long as I lived at home. I always thought she wanted to kill me because I was so bad. BTW, I wasn’t a bad child, just a normal little kid learning what life was about. Needless to say, this has affected my whole life and I’m 72 years old. Yes, I have done the whole therapy bit, but mental scars from a very young age never fully heal.

Same thing I posted on the "Something You Feel Guilty About" post:

When our first Bulldog had to cross the rainbow bridge. She died suddenly one day due to an undetected brain tumor, which we found out later on after the autopsy. She was fine in the morning (at least she appeared to be), then got worse during the day. Couldn't see anymore in the afternoon. We brought her to the vet clinic. Nobody knew what's happening. So we left her in the good hands of these capable doctors there, it's a good clinic. The neurologist planned to come in the next morning, so we though it's best to leave her there under constant observation. Then we went home for the night.
She died shortly later. Her body just gave up. I will never forgive myself for not being there in her last minutes. We all believed the next day will still happen and the neurologist will check her up. That just never happened. And I will forever live with this guilt for not being there in her last moment. She had to die in an unkown place to her, without us at her side. That still tears me apart. And I deserve that. All we could do is saying goodbye to her dead body when we rushed back to the clinic. She looked so peaceful. I just wanted her to wake up. Of course she didn't.

We always said when the time comes and we have to put a dog to sleep we'll be at his/her side. We just didn't think she's gonna die that night. Nobody did.

This is my punishment. This will haunt me until the day I die. This is my burden. This is what I deserve.

I separated from my long time partner. I moved out of our home to stay with a friend for a month while I sorted out my situation & lined up a new place to live. During that time both of our cats ran away from the old home, I believe they were trying to find me (they had never run away despite having free access to be indoors & outdoors for their entire lives with us). The older cat was caught by coyotes not far from the home. The younger cat was never seen again. The guilt I feel over letting them down never stops hurting (6 years and counting).