I once dated a dude, kind of a „bad guy“, he did drugs and all sort of minor crimes. I am more of a „good girl“. University degree, no criminal records, don’t even smoke. He told me that he feels safe and understood with me and that he wants to settle down and become calmer. I believe him. He pretty soon kind of moved in with me. His mails arrived at my address. Some of them were from court, so I asked him about it. Apparently, he was accused of having r*ped a woman. Should have been a super red flag, but I was naive. And he said it was a false accusation. Well, he started „borrowing“ my car, brought friends over uninvited, took my money… and became physically and s*xually abusive. Besides, he told me about his cousin having a weapon and him knowing how to make people „disappear“. I was scared…
One day, he wanted to visit relatives in his home country (I live in Europe, he was from a different country than me). The police searched the bus with which he traveled and arrested him for some drug related crime. He ended up in prison and I finally officially left him.
Even worse than the abuse was the comments others made about it. „You let him in your life“, „you should have seen it coming“, „you should have left him“, and the worst: „I’m sure you found it exciting“. Ah well…
My advice for everybody out there: listen to your gut feeling and don’t ignore major red flags! Nobody changes for you!
One day, he wanted to visit relatives in his home country (I live in Europe, he was from a different country than me). The police searched the bus with which he traveled and arrested him for some drug related crime. He ended up in prison and I finally officially left him.
Even worse than the abuse was the comments others made about it. „You let him in your life“, „you should have seen it coming“, „you should have left him“, and the worst: „I’m sure you found it exciting“. Ah well…
My advice for everybody out there: listen to your gut feeling and don’t ignore major red flags! Nobody changes for you!
TL; DR: was with an abusive douchebag