Hey Pandas, What's The Best Comeback You've Ever Heard Or Said? (Closed)

This didn't come from me, it was my little sister's story. We live in a Trailer park, very crucial to the story. Anyways He was bragging about how his shoes were $250 and talking crap about my little sister's clothes and shoes. She was NOT having it. She turns to him and says " if your shoes cost so much, then why are you living in a trailer? Shouldn't you be living in an actual house?" And the kid glares at her and starts picking on another kid... the kid kicked him in the balls.

A college friend was super tall and she always got asked, “You’re tall! Do you play basketball?”

Her response was, “You’re short! Do you play miniature golf?” 😂😂🤣🤣💀

Not My Quote, Its sorta a comeback

I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed
~William Shakespear

My friend has to deal with this spoiled girl at school who joined the fashion police in 4th grade and this girl goes out of her way to find my friend just so she can tell her that her hoodie doesn't match her hair or eyes and that it was very unflattering. My friend says " You know, ----, you wouldn't look too bad in glasses. I think you need some because you keep mistaking people for mirrors."

I envy people who haven't met you

This was said by Alexander Hamilton to Thomas Jefferson:
"There are approximately 1010300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly explain how much I want to hit you with a chair."
Sadly wasn't in the musical lol

In elementary, this girl would look at my friends and I and roll her eyes, we were a grade higher than her, and a bit less mature, anywho, one day it just got too annoying. She rolls her eyes, and I said, you may find a brain back there you little shi*.
I was deemed the best a**hole of the day, well, in her book.

There was also this one classmate who was trying to be amusing during a group project, by gnawing at a computer. No idea why. But he'd been asked to stop multiple times until another kid in my group was like, "hey, can u help out?" So I was like, "Hey Name, If your so hungry then eat a knuckle sandwich. I'll make it for you myself."

Do you realise that you're the human equivalent of a participation award?

In middle school there was this guy who was a certified b*tch. He always terribly made fun of me and my friends, for things like grades and being thin. After a month I had had enough. When he came around and did his usual thing. I said this time “Why do you think you are better than us?” He said “You are girls and not smart or pretty, I have a 94 grade point average, listen and weep”. I smiled and replied “I have a 97 grace point average. Maybe you should aspire to be like a girl.”

So there was this one guy at my lunch table who was rambling on about how trump was the best and how Biden did such terrible things. One day my friend just turned to him and said “Bro how lonely is that single f*cking brain cell in your head?” That was the best moment of the week.

Lady Astor: If was married to you, I'd put poison in your coffee.

Winston Churchill: If I was married to you, I'd drink it.

I found this on my brothers phone:

Why play hard to get when you're already hard to want?

(didn't happen to me or anyone i know, i saw it on the internet somewhere:)

some racist old lady told a pair of Korean men to speak English, and without missing a beat one of them said "OOOO i want a nice cup of TEA look at me i'm ENGLISH i want to eat PLAIN TOAST"

i doubt it actually happened, but it's still funny

Whoever told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice

If someone ever says "f*ck you" to me, I like to respond with "f*ck me yourself, you coward."

It was me, I was arguing with this asshole and I said, “I’d slap you, but I don’t want to get arrested for animal abuse.”

We were playing DnD, and we came across a place called the Mere of Dead Men. The DM told us that it would be perilous trying to get through, as many men had died in it.
The only girl in our group yelled, "I AM NO MAN!"
Not sure if it counts as a comeback but it sure was funny.

You look like a before picture

if people say your weird say: i'm not weird;i just fall outside your exceptional narrow view of the world