Hey Pandas, What's The Biggest Red Flag You Ignored That Came Around To Bite You Back? (Closed)

I don't really date but when I was young I didn't have any friends. Everyone at church didn't want their kids to hang out with the kid with divorced parents. People at all other places ignored me cause I was quiet. Then one day I met a "friend". I was so desperate for a friend I ignored all of the red flags. She treated me terribly, but it was finally a friend! She pushed me down the stairs. She pushed me off a retaining wall. She knew I was afraid of the dark, so she locked me in the basement. I only got out ten minutes later because her mom heard me crying. She knew I was afraid of small spaces so she locked me in her closet. One time her mom invited me to a slumber party for her birthday. I was the only one who didn't go to her school, so I didn't know anyone. I wouldn't have been in any of the games if her mom hadn't included me. When all of us went to her room, they all played truth or dare. They played for ten minutes before I worked myself up enough to ask to play too. She asked me truth or dare. I said dare. SHE ACTUALLY DARED ME TO GO HOME! Then her friend said that I should because it was a dare and nobody wants me anyway. So I told her mom I didn't feel well and wanted to go home. My mom was at work, so she called my grandpa and I sat on their front stoop and cried until my grandpa came. Fast forward a few years and I got another friend. A real friend. And my fake one was really mean to my real one. So I ended the friendships with the psycho. Now I work to make sure nobody feels left out around me because I know how it feels not to have friends. I still don't have many. But it feels good to have a few good friends. Dang, y'all got me crying 🤣

I'd like to start off saying I started dating this guy 'Ray' 2 weeks after an extremely difficult breakup, so emotionally I was still raw and dismissed these red flags. I'm usually pretty good at noticing them, but anyway. Ray and I started hanging out. A few dates later he told me that his best friend needed a place so she was staying with him for a while and asked if that was a problem. It wasn't, and and even if I was thinking clearly I don't think I would have a problem. A couple of days after that, I went to his house to meet his roommate 'Jane'. For starters it was a small studio apartment with a small bedroom with one bed and a love seat in the living area. He told me that they take turns sleeping on the bed, and the other would take the love seat. OK, that's weird, along with the pictures hung up of the 2 of them, including one on the bedroom nightstand. Also the decorations and such were traditionally feminine. Ray told me that he told her to decorate the place however she wanted while she was living there. OK...I've crashed with friends before and I've never decorated their place. I found it very strange, but I dismissed it in my emotional state. There a few other flags, like he was a bit controlling, but that pretty much sums it up. We had been dating a couple of weeks at this point when he said he had to talk to me. He said that he lied and that Jane was actually his wife and they were looking for another woman to date them both. Not a three way, but actually dating the both of them. I personally don't think polygamy with all parties consenting is unethical, but it's not for me, also not attracted to women. I started fighting with him, not because he wanted another partner, but because he purposely misled me. That's a big lie to start a relationship with. He should have been upfront, especially about something like that. He replied that if he told me the truth from the beginning that I wouldn't have agreed. Well yeah! Like I'm going to just be 'oh OK I'm not romantically interested in women or polygamy and you started the relationship with a lie but sure!' I wouldn't have been mad. Just politely decline and wish them the best. There were so many giant red flags that I would have picked up on usually. From that I've learned that immediately starting to date after leaving a long term relationship isn't wise. After that I took the time for myself to heal. Some months later I met my fiance. That was over 10 years ago. So everything worked out 😁

I ignored the fact that my former roommate killed a case (24 bottles) of beer every night and even admitted that he was addicted to cocaine. I should have run far, far away instead of moving in, thinking I would be able to change him.

Him drinking daily, more and more.

My former BFF used to belittle me in front of others, and then gossip and talk behind my back. And I'd always find excuses for her. Like, "she didn't really mean it, she didn't want to be so mean, she is my friend" etc. The truth was, she did mean it, and she was not my friend. She only needed me as a shoulder to cry on (like, when her ex-fiance dumped her) and a buffer for her many emotional issues.

Then, I had some problems and needed her support, but she was not available. Our relationship had only one way, in which she received support and compassion, but never gave back. She refused to give me a call when I was hospitalized, because she was on vacation with her new boyfriend, and wouldn't want to "spoil" their fun. She was not interested in anything I'd say, unless it was about her, or for her. She mocked me when I told her that I might have signs of depression etc.

Took me some time to break this cycle of abuse.
Currently she is very offended that I cut off ties, and wouldn't even respond to my salute :))))