Hey Pandas, What's The Funniest Experience You've Ever Had At The Vet's Office?

Took my kitten in because she was acting funny and walking funny. Animal ER at 3am. Thought she’d broken her tail or hip. Turns out she just went into heat. My other female was spayed at the shelter prior to adoption but this sweetie was a stray picked up on Facebook. I had no idea and I was so freaked out! Talk about super embarrassing! They didn’t charge me for anything but the exam and only half. The doc and I laughed so much! So relieved though and she was spayed 2 weeks later once the vet was sure she was ready.

I once overheard a conversation with a vet and a woman.
Vet: That's not her belly button.
Woman: But it must be! She likes it when I tickle it!
Vet: It's definitely not her belly button, it's her vulva!
Woman: Isn't that... [quietly] lady parts?
Vet: Yes.
Woman: That means...
Vet: You've been masturbating your dog? Yes!

Pretty sure it won't be universally funny but: My rather large (not fat) cat named Peaches absolutely hated the vet. He also tended to fight with most animals. For the record I live in a very rural area and Peaches preferred to do his business outside. He was neutered when he was 3 months old, he was just a brawler. After one particularly rough battle he ended up with some pretty bad injuries on his face (they were never on his backend, this cat never backed down) and needed IV antibiotics and had to stay in office for a few days. I called one morning and asked how Peaches was doing. Vet's reply: "Well everyone is this d@mn building is bleeding, how the h3ll do you think he's doing? PLEASE tell me you can pick him up".

I was in the car, waiting for my mom to return with my dog and I was looking through the window. This kid and his dog and mother were heading into the vet and the kid had ice cream. The dog jumped on him and ate it. The kid looked confused and bent down and bit his ear. The mother had to tell this child that the statement, you are what you eat isn't true.

I thought my Tootsie was hurt because I saw blood. The vet ask me the age and look at me as if I was a 👽. Of course it was her first period and he couldn’t understand that since I was a girl I hadn’t thought about that. In my defense My dear Toots is the first female I’ve ever had.

Our 3 month old puppy decided to eat a spicy fly (aka bee) and her entire face ballooned up - needless to say terrified she couldn’t eat or breath, so bundled her into the car and drove to the emergency vet.
On arrival another pup was about to leave the emergency room and they had prepared a bowl of boiled chicken for them to eat… she leaped out of my arms, dove for the bowl and had it all eaten in 5 seconds. . . We were no longer terrified she couldn’t eat, drink or breath!

Went recently to the vet after a necessary dewclaw surgery on our medium small mutt, subsequent infection and all the fun that comes with that. At one of the follow up appointments (in the parking lot due to covid) a newer tech comes out following another tech:
"Your dog is seriously extra."
"Oh yea, why is that?"
"I love him. He is like the perfect dog."
"Is it because he has to wear the cone of shame and a donut connected to a harness to make sure he can't get the first donut layer off?" (No really this is true, hilarious when he walks around, and a new level to the cone of shame)
Vet tech busts out laughing,