Going on vacation with friends can be a very fun experience. But it also can be not as fun. Sometimes even the slightest thing can ruin someone's experience.
And sometimes something not as slight. For example, a child with behavioral problems. You see what we're getting at, right? In today's story, that's what happened – an aggressive child ruined a vacation for a family that came along. And possibly not only the holiday – the relationship between the families too.
More info: Mumsnet
Raising an autistic child is challenging, and some parents deal with it way better than others
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Two families went on vacation together, expecting it to be as fun as it used to be years ago
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
But it wasn't – the one family's autistic child revealed her behavioral problems, which manifested in her throwing tantrums and even being violent
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
What complicated things even more was that the parents of this girl were using the "never say no" technique, which just let the kid go rogue
Image credits: upoutandin87
So, the other family started avoiding their friends, whose kid basically ruined their vacation
The two families in today’s story used to go on holiday together. This year, after a few years' break, they decided to do it again. It should be noted that the OP’s family has a 15-year-old with ASD (autism spectrum disorder). And their friends also have a child with it, only she's a bit younger.
And so, to talk about vacationing with ASD children, Bored Panda reached out to autism parent supporter Jess. She said that one of the biggest challenges that families with members with autism spectrum disorder face while traveling is accessibility.
As an example, she gave her own family. Her children are 5 and 7 years old, but they haven’t been on vacation, as there’s too much risk: it could result in sensory overload and troubles with changes in routine.
She said: “Going out into the community can bring on a lot of sensory overload, and they will always request to go home or have a meltdown. This makes us very nervous to take our children on a holiday as we don't have the ability to retreat to a safe place if we are far away.”
Jess pointed out that the judgment of others is also a big challenge. For instance, her children can be loud or awake during the night and it can disrupt other people’s vacations.
Coming back to today’s main story, the disruption of a vacation is the reason why the OP wrote the post in the first place. So, when both mentioned families went on holiday together, the author’s family realized how out of control their friends’ ASD kid is.
For instance, she throws a tantrum anytime she doesn’t get her way. She also gets violent – she slapped the original poster’s daughter and called her a B-word because she didn’t want to go to the pool. If that wasn’t enough, she threw the OP’s bag into the water too.
Image credits: kroshka__nastya / Freepik (not the actual photo)
So, no wonder the family was having a hard time enjoying their holiday when their friends’ kid had gone rogue. They also learned that the girl’s behavior problems aren’t apparent only on vacation. She was excluded from her primary school due to it too.
Apparently, the friends’ family uses the “never say no” parenting technique. Parents who never say no believe that not using negative words like that is beneficial for children. At the same time, others argue that children should hear the word “no” from time to time. It helps to set boundaries, which are necessary for kids’ development. Never hearing it can make a child grow up unable to function in the real world.
They also never take advice from the OP, even though they also have an autistic child. That’s why the author feels guilty – an autistic child having troubles is understandable, and she would like to help set boundaries or a routine, but friends refuse to let her.
Plus, neither she nor her family were enjoying the vacation due to this girl. And so, conflicted with all these feelings, she came online to ask what she should do.
Our interviewee said that while traveling with a family that has an ASD member, people should try to stay patient. Being off the routine can be triggering for an autistic child, which can cause behavioral problems. Yet, at least from what the author wrote in the post, it seems that the girl's behavioral issues aren’t limited to vacations and her parents are applying unfit parenting techniques to deal with it.
And since the OP’s husband couldn’t stand it, he said that they should cut ties with the family until they start disciplining their child. Interestingly, people on Mumsnet had kind of a similar idea. Many advised them to change accommodation and enjoy their vacation separately.
So, since there’s currently no proper update, we can’t be sure whether the author and her family took the netizens’ advice or not. But seeing how guilty the woman felt about being critical of her friends’ parenting, they might not have taken it. But maybe we can hope that she’ll be able to get through to her friends and they’ll consider changing their parenting attitude.
People online were understanding of this kind of reaction and even advised the family to get other accommodation so they could enjoy their holiday
