Being a stay-at-home parent isn't easy. The individual has to juggle all household responsibilities, wrangle one or many children, and still maintain their sanity. It’s a role that definitely requires a lot of patience with one's kids and with oneself.
But some people really love being stay-at-home parents, and they even prefer it to other types of jobs. That’s exactly how this Redditor felt, but when he voiced his opinions, other parents took offense. It left him wondering whether he should have never said anything at all.
More info: Reddit
Dad says he finds it easy to be a homemaker and look after the kids, wife’s friends say he’s a jerk for making light of their parenting experiences
Image credits: Anna Shvets (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that initially, his wife wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, but she struggled with it, so he decided to swap roles with her
Image credits: yanalya (not the actual photo)
He found that being a househusband and looking after the kids was way easier than any job he had in the past
Image credits: Drazen Zigic (not the actual photo)
When he and his wife met her coworkers for dinner, everyone was discussing their childcare experiences, and one of them asked if he was “itching to get back to having it easy”
Image credits: u/ZestyCowlicks
The poster said that being a stay-at-home dad was a cakewalk for him, but his response didn’t go down well with everyone, and his wife’s friends got quite angry
When it comes to stay-at-home parents, around 26% are women, and only 7% are men. Although the number of househusbands is slowly but surely increasing, they’re nowhere near the number of housewives. In this case, the poster really enjoys staying at home with his children, which is why the arrangement he has with his wife has really worked well.
To understand more about stay-at-home dads, Bored Panda reached out to Sam Dogen, the founder of Financial Samurai, a leading personal finance site established in 2009. He worked in investment banking at Goldman Sachs and Credit Suisse for 13 years before retiring from the industry in 2012 at the age of 34. He is one of the pioneers of the modern-day FIRE movement and also the author of ‘How To Engineer Your Layoff’ and ‘Buy This, Not That.’
Sam told us that “stay-at-home dads often don't get the credit they deserve, as society still expects men to be the primary breadwinners. Other men might think stay-at-home dads aren't doing enough to provide for their families, which can make these dads hesitant to share what they do. Women are generally more understanding, but they might not be as inclusive with stay-at-home dads as they are with stay-at-home moms.”
The kind of judgment that househusbands face is evident in how the OP’s wife’s coworkers reacted to his opinion. Despite him taking care of all of the household tasks, looking after their 2 kids, and also managing anything else that needed to be done, they still disregarded his feelings about the role.
We also contacted Evan Mitchell, a full-time stay-at-home dad who manages the SAHD Life YouTube channel. He also said: “I think a lot of people feel like it's a role not suited for a man and that I'm not as equipped to be as good at the job as the mom. I've had comments on my YouTube channel calling me a beta male and that I should be the one working. You have to have thick skin.”
Evan explained that “it's a mommy's world out there. All the classes, all the meet-ups, etc., are targeted toward mothers. And fair enough. Us SAHDs are a rare breed. Luckily everyone in my family and my wife's family have been supportive of my role and appreciate it. I decided to start a YouTube channel as well so that I would have some skills once it was time to return to the workforce.”
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
Even though the poster has found it easy to stay home with his kids and manage everything, that isn’t always the case for everyone. Sam shared his own experience of being a stay-at-home dad since 2017. He said that “[it] has been the hardest job in the world, much harder than working 60 hours a week in investment banking. Just one moment of distraction can lead to disaster.”
Sam added that “after two years as a stay-at-home dad, I was itching to go back to work if only to take a break from the demands of fatherhood!” But he also said that “each milestone has been priceless. I wouldn’t trade my time as a stay-at-home dad for any lucrative full-time job. Now that our almost five-year-old daughter will be attending school full-time, I’m considering permanently returning to work part-time.”
Evan also added that “you're always on, and you get no sick days! It can be the most exhausting thing ever! One thing I will say is that because in the beginning there is a lot of down time, a lot of people don't know what to do with themselves. There can be a lot of alone time while you are following around a toddler or you're taking them for another walk or trip to the park, and I don't think a lot of people are cut out for that. It can be surprisingly lonely with lots of boredom, it can drive people crazy.”
The experience of staying home and looking after one's kids varies from person to person. As Sam and Evan mentioned, it was a tough job for them, but they wouldn’t trade it for anything. As for the poster, it was extremely easy, and he loved every bit of it. It’s important for stay-at-home parents to be able to share their experiences without judgment, so the wife’s coworkers were in the wrong for treating the OP like a pariah just because of what he said.
The experience of staying home and looking after one's kids varies from person to person. As Sam mentioned, it was a tough job for him, but he wouldn’t trade it for anything. As for the poster, it's extremely easy, and he loves every bit of it. It’s important for stay-at-home parents to be able to share their experiences without judgment, so the wife’s coworkers were in the wrong for treating the OP like a pariah just because of what he said.
Stay-at-home dads make up a small majority of parents who look after the home, but their experiences are just as valid. Sam also said that “the first year of a child’s life is challenging for stay-at-home dads because they can't breastfeed. As a result, dads might feel a bit useless every 2-4 hours. However, they can still be involved by washing bottles, warming the milk, and bottle-feeding.”
He also added that “as a stay-at-home dad, you might also experience dad guilt for not working a day job to provide income for the family. Since society still emphasizes men as the primary earners, it can be difficult to navigate social situations. Finally, when your kids go to school full-time, and your job as a full-time parent is over, you might experience what I call a parental existential crisis.”
No parent should be criticized for sharing their lived experiences. That’s exactly what the wife’s coworkers should have understood instead of jumping down the dad’s throat for telling the truth.
What are your thoughts on this situation? Let us know if you have a different perspective.
Netizens fully supported the dad and clarified that he definitely wasn’t a jerk, because he had shared what was true for him
