When you get married, you don’t only gain a spouse, but an entire new side of the family. You might suddenly have another set of parents, siblings and cousins that you’ll now spend holidays with and be expected to treat like you've known them your entire life. But what if some of your in-laws set out to make your life a living hell?
One woman hopped on Reddit to share a couple of stories about how her mother-in-law seems determined to make her life miserable. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well as some of the replies amused readers shared.
This woman's mother-in-law appeared extremely sweet when they first met
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
But over the years, she's made it clear that all of that kindness was just a facade
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Godlovesugly1820
The majority of married women have had conflicts with their husband's mother
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
In a perfect world, we would all see our in-laws as extensions of our own families. Some people even manage to become closer to their partner’s parents than their own. And many people enter their marriages optimistically, as research from Purdue University found that the majority of couples anticipate positive relationships with their in-laws.
But somewhere down the line, things often go awry. According to research by psychologist Terri Apter, a whopping 75% of couples admit that they’ve had conflicts with an in-law. And 60% of women say that their relationship with their husband’s mother has caused them stress and unhappiness.
In fact, moms even report having more issues with their daughter-in-laws than with their own daughters. Meanwhile, two thirds of daughter-in-laws believe that their spouse’s mother has exhibited jealous love towards her son.
So where do these issues between mothers and daughter-in-laws come from? Well, Madeleine A. Fugère, PhD, wrote a piece for Psychology Today discussing a few potential reasons for this. One possible explanation is not being the partner that your spouse’s parent would have chosen for them.
If they always imagined their child with someone who’s a huge success in the corporate world, someone who plays music or someone from the same culture, it might be difficult for them to accept that their child can make their own decisions.
Another potential issue that your mother-in-law may have with you is that you’re too attractive. It might sound silly, but apparently, according to evolutionary theory, women who are more attractive than their partner will think about leaving the relationship more often and show more interest in other partners.
Setting boundaries with a toxic mother-in-law is necessary
Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)
At the same time, some mothers have trouble accepting that they’ll have to compete for resources and attention from their son. If your mother-in-law has spent decades being the most important woman in her son’s life, it’s possible that she’ll be feeling jealous and/or neglected after someone else takes that spot.
When it comes to dealing with a toxic mother-in-law, Choosing Therapy recommends that you communicate openly with your partner. You may need to word things delicately, but expressing your concerns is important to ensure that the issues don’t start to snowball.
Meanwhile, you should set realistic expectations for your relationship with your mother-in-law. She’s not going to drastically change overnight, and you might have to abandon the hope that you’ll ever be close friends. At the same time, be gentle with yourself, and practice self-care. Don’t let this difficult relationship start to take a toll on your mental or physical health.
It’s also important to remember not to take your mother-in-law’s actions personally. If she’s just a difficult person, there’s nothing that you did to cause her to act like this. And if the relationship seems hopeless, don’t be afraid to set boundaries. Trying to keep the peace is not worth it if it means you’ll be miserable.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman was right to go no-contact with her mother-in-law after this? Feel free to weigh in. Then, you can find another Bored Panda article discussing similar mother-in-law drama right here.
Readers left supportive messages for the author, and some even had similar stories of their own to share
