Growing up with a toxic family member can leave scars so deep they shape the very core of who you are. But what happens when the person who inflicted those wounds reaches the end of their life and suddenly expects forgiveness?
Today's Original Poster (OP) finds herself in the same situation. After enduring years of toxicity from her stepmother ever since she was a child, she's now expected to forgive the stepmom just because she's on her deathbed.
More info: Reddit
What goes around comes around, but this time, it did a full marathon, came back, and waved a flag in victory
Image credits: Bret Kavanaugh / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author recounted her stepmother being so mean to her ever since she was five years old
Image credits: SexyMotherHeifer
Image credits: Max Vakhtbovycn / Pexels (not the actual photo)
From calling her names, taking off her bedroom door, to pouring lemonade on her laptop, she endured it all
Image credits: SexyMotherHeifer
Image credits: pvproductions / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The stepmother would also belittle her and even gave her thirty days to leave the house after her high school graduation
Image credits: SexyMotherHeifer
Image credits: katemangostar / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Her father, whom she had always been close to, became more distant over the years
Image credits: SexyMotherHeifer
Image credits: bearfotos / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Now, her stepmother only has a few months to live and has been asking for the author to come to the hospital
Image credits: SexyMotherHeifer
She has refused to go to the hospital and, in fact, doesn't feel bad at all for what's happening to her stepmom
The OP described her childhood as being overshadowed by her stepmother's cruelty. She was also mocked about her weight, given the nickname "little heifer" at age five and later shortened to simply "heifer" as she grew older. She'd begged her stepmom to stop with the name, but she was basically told to "grow thicker skin" or "lose some weight.
It didn't stop there. Her stepmother went past insults, even going so far as to remove the door to her bedroom after an argument, leaving her without privacy. When a family reunion conflicted with the OP's schoolwork, her stepmother poured lemonade on her laptop.
Another incident involved a Victoria's Secret gift card given by an aunt, which she took away, saying no man would want to look at her anyway. She also gave the OP a strict eviction deadline of 30 days after her high school graduation.
Now, the OP feels pressure from other family members to reconcile with her dying stepmother. Although she has been told "she's not that person anymore," she admits to a grim satisfaction in knowing her stepmother's life is, in fact, ending in suffering.
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Philly Mag outlines that most stepmothers are often not as evil as they are portrayed to be (hello, Lady Tremaine from Cinderella). They explained that most step mothers typically aim to please, but a few, like in this case, hurt relationships and become highly divisive.
Their message is also clear: it is the father's responsibility to safeguard the relationship with his child at any age. He must be spoken to respectfully about how his new marriage is impacting the family. After all, the stepmother's behavior is not the child's problem to repair; only the father can do that effectively.
Uncover explains that growing up with a toxic parent or parental figure can be very harmful to the growth and well-being of a child. It could leave them with low self-esteem, struggles in their relationships, anxiety and depression, and even physical health issues, amongst other things.
However, Insightful Counselling states that the one way to heal from the pain of the past is through forgiveness. They explain that it is a tool in healing oneself rather than a gift for the offender as it frees one from resentment and bitterness, which might help in improving health, both mentally and physically.
They clarify that forgiveness does not imply forgetting, excusing, or reconciling but rather an inner letting go of the grip of destructive emotions. In this context, that would mean the OP could forgive her stepmother for her own sake without necessarily having to build a relationship.
Netizens suggested that the OP's stepmother deserves no sympathy whatsoever. They seemed to enjoy the stepmother’s suffering on behalf of the OP, with a few humorous, yet dark, suggestions like “Walk into her hospital room wearing a huge black cloak” and “Send me a playlist. We'll download it and go dance on her grave.”
What would you do if you were in the same situation as the OP? Would you grant the stepmother forgiveness, or would you rather walk away? We would love to hear your thoughts!
Netizens believe the author has every right not to want to visit her stepmother at the hospital and resorted to dark humor
