Hospital Workers Share 26 Deathbed Regrets They've Heard That Changed Their Lives

Bored Panda reached out to therapist Dr. Tirrell De Gannes from the Thriving Center of Psychology to ask him why so many people only confront their deepest regrets at the end of their lives, and what we can do to recognize and address them sooner. He had this to say, “The main reasons that many people only confront their deepest regrets late are they live a life of routine that does not allow for backtracking and the fear of making a mistake in life is greater than most fears, but not the fear of death.” 

“Every day, week, and month we live our lives doing roughly the same things and find ourselves at the end of our lives without a second thought and that leads to many regrets and missed opportunities. Many people fear that making the wrong decision in life will lead them to discomfort or worse but when you are sure you're going to die, that's when the average person reflects on the life decisions that got them through to that point, often leading to acknowledging regrets,” De Gannes added.

De Gannes says, in terms of recognizing and addressing our regrets sooner, the recognition of regrets requires either a break from the routine, or added reflection points in the routine. This means going on vacations, using your sick days, asking someone out, saying yes to an event you weren't planning on going to, or at least scheduling one day a week where you assess if you're happy with your life and make changes according to your answer. 

“In addition, we as people need to overcome the idea of making the right choice and instead accept that whatever choice we make for our lives is correct based on the knowledge we have at the time. Take the risk - the regret of not knowing is worse than knowing and moving on,” concluded De Gannes.

Regret is one of the heaviest emotions we carry. Whether it’s missed opportunities, words left unsaid, or choices we wish we could change, regret can haunt us. But life doesn’t have to be filled with "what ifs." By living intentionally and learning how to process past regrets, we can create a more fulfilling future.

In her article for Psychology Today, Tchiki Davis (Ph.D.) writes that a recent meta-analytic study aimed to look across several studies on regret to see what the most common causes of regret are. The research showed that Americans’ six biggest regrets involve education, career, romance, parenting, self-improvement, and leisure.

According to Davis, common regrets include missed educational opportunities, failure to seize the moment, not spending enough time with friends and family, missed romantic opportunities, rushing into something too soon, and unwise romantic relationships.

Research shows that action (vs. inaction) produces more regret in the short term. For example, we might feel regret for saying something embarrassing or agreeing to do an annoying task for someone else. But these experiences of regret pass rather quickly.

Those in the know agree the things we’re most likely to regret are actually the things we didn’t do. Regrets of inaction are stronger and persist longer than regrets of action. So, if we feel we “should have taken that trip,” or “should have gone to college,” these regrets likely last longer than regrets of having done something we might rather have not done. 

In their article for PsychCentral, Sarah Barkley and Carrie Byrd write that living with regret can impact your mental health in several ways, including depression and lower life satisfaction, increased anxiety, lower self-esteem and confidence, a lack of motivation, and a feeling of hopelessness.

The good news is that, if you’re living with regret and want to shake free from it, there are many ways to do it. In her article for VeryWellMind, Kendra Cherry writes that, while you can’t avoid regret, there are things that you can do to minimize these feelings or at least take the negativity out of them and turn your regrets into opportunities for growth.

Cherry suggests practicing self-acceptance, forgiving yourself, making amends for mistakes, and reframing your regret. In her article for Psyche, Jelena Kecmanovich says the content of your regrets can illuminate what matters most to you, so you can use your regrets to clarify your key values - what a useful way to turn your regret on its head!