So a little background. I'm 37F,he's 41M, I'll call him John.We've been together for 11 years. When we met he was already in pain management. He has degenerative disc disease which means the discs between his vertebrae has loss of cushioning. While there are surgical options usually, John can not get it. It's his whole spine and very severe that the surgeons we've spoken to said it wasn't an option. So pain management is his only option. He's always in pain, and the meds do little to help. Even after only a few hours out, he's barely able to move the next day or two. So basically he just has to live with it. I know he struggles, but he was able to enjoy life somewhat. The past 6 months or so he's been severely depressed and negative, I get why. Also, he speaks with counselors and goes to a psychologist and SSRIs have an adverse effect on him. Anyway, he barely wants to do anything. I've tried to have date nights and do things at home since his pain is bad, but he's not interested. On the rare occasion he does he's so cynical and negative and it's affecting our relationship. It's frankly been hard to be around him. He's been a killjoy. I try to be positive, I try to listen or encourage him, but I'm not sure I know how to anymore. Saying "just focus on the good" or something along those lines I think isn't very helpful. I love him, he's a wonderful person who makes me laugh and supports and cares for me deeply. But I don't know how to support him about this. He used to just endure it and try to enjoy life, but I don't think he can anymore. So, how to you help someone who's in constant pain with no treatments? I hate seeing him like this, and honestly it's been very hard on me. What can I say or do? Any wisdom on how to enjoy life in constant pain?
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