Many people like to rave about how great motherhood is. And it can be, if a person is ready for it, wants to do it, and has resources for it. Yet, even in such cases, it doesn’t mean that everything will go smoothly.
After all, taking care of a child is no easy job, no matter how you put it. It’s a whole human you’re responsible for transforming into a decent adult. And this can quickly become too much for a person. That’s exactly what happened to one woman, whose husband made sure her experience was even harder than it was supposed to be.
More info: Reddit
While motherhood can be a very fulfilling experience, it can be rather hard too
Image credits: prostooleh / Freepik (not the actual photo)
When a woman is forced into a stay-at-home mom role, it can mess with their sense of identity, just like it did to the poster
Image credits: Anna Shvets / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster was a stay-at-home mom for 7 years before she found a job that she loved
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The second she started working, her husband started guilt-tripping her, complaining about how hard it is for him to take care of the kids
Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Feeling guilty, the woman ended up quitting the job, returning to her role as a stay-at-home mom
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This really destroyed the woman’s sense of identity, and she started questioning what her purpose in this life really is
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When she tried talking to her husband about her feelings, he told her that her purpose was to be a mom, which only made her identity crisis worse
The OP has been a stay-at-home mom for 7 years before she went back to work. She loved her new job, but not everything was rainbows and sunshine. Her husband struggled with being placed closer to a primary parent position. He just had to take care of the kids while the wife was at work; the rest of the time, she was around to help him out.
Still, he made her feel like devil for not being around enough. Mind you, that’s the same man with whom she stayed despite his infidelity and alcoholism. Her career turned out to be the hardest challenge for them.
Then, the OP’s work situation became rather unsustainable, so quit her job and became SAHM again. This made her feel miserable and aimless in life. When the woman tried talking about it to her husband, he reassured her that she isn’t aimless – her purpose is to be a mom. It made the whole situation even worse -- she doesn’t want her existence to be only about it!
Of course, she isn’t the only woman in history to have felt this way. One survey of 500 women over 40 showed that 9 out of 10 mothers would like to see themselves in roles that are more than a mom.
Image credits: Ivan Samkov / Pexels (not the actual photo)
You see, when a woman becomes a mom, her whole identity shifts. Before she was mostly responsible for herself; she was at the top of her priorities. When a kid comes, she suddenly is responsible for someone else, who cannot fend for themselves. This youngling now has to come first in a lot of senses, which can skew the woman’s understanding of herself.
In fact, often new mothers feel like they have lost things like value in the job market, their social life, time for self-care, and confidence, to name a few. This can lead them to feel miserable, just like the OP did. And as you can imagine, it’s a tough feeling to handle.
Granted, not feeling the happiest with a mom label doesn’t mean the woman hates being one. Usually, they love being a parent; they just don’t love being only that. Being stuck with only one label can be detrimental for a person's well-being, just as stories like today’s one are proving.
The worst part in this story, besides the woman’s despair, is the fact that her husband is basically pushing her to it. Taking care of kids is no less of a job than any other. It requires immense energy, dedication, various skills, and there’s no thing as work-life balance, you cannot clock out of this position.
The OP mastered this job for years, and when her husband had to do only a part of it, he started punishing her. That was the fact that most of the netizens were angry at – they said that he used her as “a household appliance.”
Luckily, these same folks didn’t shy away from advising the woman on what she could do to get out of this misery – from books to activities, which she promised to look into. Well, we can only hope that she will, and her situation will get better over time.
What would you advise this woman? We’re always eager to hear your takes in the comments!
Netizens were quick to show their anger at the husband’s point of view and didn’t shy away from advising the woman what to do
