Isn’t it awful that the world we live in still frowns upon women having a social life after marriage and kids? I mean, we live in the 21st century, it's high time we put an end to patriarchy and let women enjoy their lives just as much as their husbands do.
Just look at the original poster’s (OP) husband who kept whining and whinging because he had to look after the kids when she went out with her friends. To top it off, her parents' remarks about this situation simply cranked up the tension that was already brewing between the couple!
More info: Mumsnet
We live in the 21st century, but women having a social life after marriage is still frowned upon
Image credits: olia danilevich / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster has a social life apart from marriage where, twice a year, she stays overnight with friends and also goes out with them every few months
Image credits: IneffableCat
Image credits: rawpixel.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Her parents have often commented on this, claiming that the "poor husband" has to look after the kids while mum goes out "gallivanting"
Image credits: IneffableCat
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
After these comments, when she had to go out, her husband said that she was treating him like a "mug" by leaving the kids with him and taking advantage of him
Image credits: IneffableCat
Her mom has also commented that her friends are child-free so they have more time, and she needs to find friends with kids
In today’s story, our protagonist fell prey to some of the oldest social evils that still prominently persist in our society, patriarchy and societal expectations of how mothers should be. Her crime? Having a social life even after marriage and kids!
She tells us that she goes to stay over with friends twice a year and even meets them for meals and the cinema every few months, while the kids stay with her husband. This might all sound normal to us, but on occasion, her parents have felt that her “poor husband” was looking after the children again while she was out “gallivanting”. Ugh, speak about being archaic!
One time, when she had a plan to go to London, her husband knew about it before and at that time he mentioned that he didn’t care what she did, but after the comments from her parents, he contradicted himself. He said that she treats him like a “sap” and a “mug”, and she was walking all over him by “dumping” the kids on him.
When the scenario repeated, he claimed that he was yet again being treated as a mug, and she should’ve informed him before. OP explained that she was only going to be gone a few hours, and even we think that's not too much to ask from a partner.
Well, apparently not, because her mom said that her friends are child-free, so it's alright for them and she needs to find friends with kids. Probably feeling confused by the situation, OP vented online, mentioning how her husband’s hobby is playing video games and he’s not at all interested in having his own social life.
OP also added that one of her children is disabled, and although she loves him a lot, it's exhausting and challenging looking after him, and these breaks with friends really help.
Image credits: DC Studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
It has been observed, “Raising a child with special needs can be physically, emotionally and financially draining and over time, this can take an emotional toll on caregivers. They often report feelings of stress, anxiety, guilt, or inadequacy.” Well, no wonder the poster said that the breaks with friends helped her.
Research also suggests that parents of special needs children experience a higher rate of burnout. It’s only natural for any human being to ask for some “me time” and many people pointed out that the husband and parents need to stop tormenting the woman about it.
Netizens also said that their behavior was typical of societal expectations that mothers should sacrifice their social lives after having kids, and act as a “perfect mother”. Research has shown that women’s experiences of pressure toward perfect parenting are related to higher levels of guilt and stress.
This just makes us wonder whether the poor poster was feeling this guilt and stress when she posted her story, and if yes, our hearts definitely go out to her. Another aspect that Redditors highlighted was how the husband was complaining about looking after the kids; after all, he's their father and just as responsible for them as she is.
They felt that his lack of social life is not her fault and that his trying to stop her from having it is unreasonable. People also said that her mom was unnecessarily getting involved in her life and they felt she should set up clear boundaries with her. Some even suggested that if the parents have such a big problem with the “poor husband” being left with the kids, they should babysit them.
What advice would you give to someone stuck in a similar situation? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!
Netizens sided with the poster and said that the husband should get his own life and stop complaining about looking after his own kids
