Most people think that when they get married, being loyal is just a natural part of it. Yet, infidelity is also one of the leading reasons marriages fall apart.
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Hidden conversations, “work trips” that aren’t really about work, or sliding into someone’s DMs can all signal the start of an affair.
For one pregnant woman, who shared her story on Reddit, it was a notification on her husband’s phone that made her realize he was cheating.
However, as if that wasn’t painful enough, she ultimately discovered that the woman he chose was the last person she ever expected.
Bored Panda spoke to a marriage and family therapist to understand the impact of infidelity.
A woman uncovered her husband’s affair — and the identity of the other woman shocked her
Image credits: Alina Matveycheva / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The other woman was someone who had bullied her all throughout middle and high school
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman said she wants to leave her husband without a confrontation
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anonymous
People still disagree on what actually counts as infidelity
Infidelity, as awful as it can be, remains surprisingly common, with roughly 7 in 10 people in the US admitting they have cheated on a partner.
For some, any kind of bonding that makes your partner unhappy can be considered cheating (such as emotional affairs), but for others, definitions can vary widely.
A survey shows that about 18.6% of European men, 14.4% of European women, and 3% of American men do not believe that physical affairs count as cheating.
We asked Angela Skurtu, author and marriage family therapist, what signs might someone miss when a partner is hiding an affair.
“Keeping their phone close. The word space is often a key indicator I look for. When someone keeps asking for space, I often wonder if cheating is present,” she says.
Life coach and counselor Becky Lennox believes “cheating is anything you feel the need to hide. If your partner saw the messages, the photos, the comments — would they be hurt? Would you feel guilty? Would you try to explain it away? Then it’s cheating.”
Image credits: Katie Salerno / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Infidelity can be driven by a mix of emotional and psychological reasons
Finding a singular motivation behind cheating is quite an impossible feat.
Studies show it can be due to feelings of anger or low self-esteem, feeling unloved, or a lack of commitment in the relationship.
Some people may be seeking excitement, variety, or attention they feel they’re not getting from their partner.
Situational factors, like opportunity or being in the wrong environment at the wrong time, can also play a role.
Esther Perel, a psychotherapist and author, believes that there’s one thing all of these people have in common though.
It’s “a state that creeps into many long-term relationships: a feeling of emotional numbness, disconnection, and personal erosion.”
While you still love your partner, you'll be equally plagued by feelings that something is missing, she says.
Studies also show some cheaters get a thrill from sneaking around. Psychologists call it the “cheater’s high” — breaking the rules can give people a weird rush, like they’re getting away with something.
Infidelity can also trigger dopamine, the brain’s feel-good chemical. The risk of getting caught and the whole forbidden vibe can make the affair feel exciting in the moment.
No matter what the reasons, it’s not rocket science that engaging in relationships without your partner’s consent will shatter trust and can leave lasting emotional damage.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Being cheated on causes more than just a broken heart
One study found that nearly 88% of divorced couples said infidelity played a major role in the end of their relationship.
Research has found that being cheated on can cause depression and anxiety. It may also lead to more risky behaviors or unhealthy coping mechanisms.
“It’s considered an affair trauma and it can lead to panic attacks, a real bodily trauma response, and future trust issues in new relationships,” says Skurtu.
And when a partner is pregnant, it can make the impact even worse.
Relationship conflict or betrayal during pregnancy can increase the risk of depression even more, and negatively affect a woman’s mental health and body image.
Catching a partner cheating can be a huge emotional blow, but some people choose to skip the big confrontation, just like the woman in this story.
Experts say it’s often because they don’t want the drama, the arguing, the denial, or the cheater trying to twist the story. Instead of getting pulled into all of that, they’d rather step back and protect their peace.
After a betrayal like that, a lot of people also don’t have the energy for a messy fight.
“It’s painful and they struggle to address conflict directly,” believes Skurtu.
But walking away doesn’t mean it doesn’t leave a mark… it can stay with you for a while.
The important thing to remember, though, is this: cheating says way more about the person who did it than the one who got hurt. Their choice, their mess.
The woman gave some more info about her situation
Some people shared advice, and suggestions on how to move on
The woman shared what decision she took after discovering her husband's affair
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Gabriel Ponton / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anonymous
Many people commented in support of the woman
The woman gave another update after she decided to separate from her husband
Image credits: Jonathan Borba / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Miriam Alonso / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anonymous
The reactions were a mix of empathy and support
