Some people don’t want to know about their partner’s past because they feel it’s better to move on and to start off with a foundation of trust. The only problem is that this might not always work out in their favor, especially if their significant other has been hiding something.
This is what one woman realized after thirteen years of marriage, when she found out that her husband had dated his best friend in high school. She couldn’t get over the news and issued him a strict ultimatum, which he refused to give in to.
More info: Reddit
Learning that your loved one has kept a massive secret from you can be heartbreaking and tough to get over
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The poster shared that when she started dating her husband, she got to know his girl best friend, Pokie, and initially felt insecure, but eventually accepted their friendship
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Since the woman never asked her husband about his past relationships, she only learned that he had dated Pokie when his other friend let the news slip
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The poster felt humiliated that her husband and his friends had kept this secret from her, so she confronted him about whether he still had feelings for Pokie
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The woman’s husband felt that she was overreacting about something that had happened twenty years ago, and he continued meeting Pokie for game nights
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Since the poster didn’t want her husband around Pokie anymore, she told him they should move, and he refused, stating that she was insane for even suggesting that
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Even the husband’s friends tried to assure the woman that she had nothing to worry about since he had moved on from the time that he had dated Pokie
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In an update post, the woman shared that her husband spent a night at his mom’s house, and she learned that he visited Pokie during that time
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When the man returned, the poster explained how she felt that he had dismissed her concerns and that she didn’t like not knowing his secret while everyone else did
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The man then revealed that he had loved Pokie like crazy, and that while dating, she got pregnant, but ended up losing the baby shortly after
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Nobody except the poster’s husband and Pokie knew about the loss of the baby, so they broke up, and he ended up becoming childfree as a result
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The poster was shell-shocked by her husband’s secret, and tried to make him see less of Pokie, but when he refused, she went to stay with her parents to think things over
It seems like even though the OP and her husband had been together for thirteen years, they still hadn’t talked about their pasts. As the poster mentioned, they had mainly made this decision so that they wouldn’t have to focus on each other’s previous relationships and could, instead, start afresh.
Even though this might be a great way for folks to have a clean slate when dating someone new, professionals explain that the past might still end up coming to the surface someday. That’s why it might be better to have open conversations about previous relationships so that both people are on the same page and don’t get blindsided in the future.
Unfortunately, this is exactly what happened to the OP, who suddenly found out that her husband had dated his best friend. She had blissfully accepted their friendship over the thirteen years of her marriage until an acquaintance spilled the beans about their whirlwind high school romance.
When that happened, obviously, the poster was distraught, and her first thought was to immediately confront her partner about it. Experts advise that in such situations, it’s better to take a moment to calm down and avoid overanalyzing the situation. It’s also important to give one’s partner the benefit of the doubt because their connection with their friend might just be innocent.
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The poster found it hard to accept that her husband had been madly in love with his best friend, and when she asked him about it, he came clean. He also refused to cut the woman out of his life or move away from her, which left the OP feeling angry and heartbroken because she didn’t know what to do.
According to marital experts, issuing an ultimatum like this is often a sneaky form of manipulation, and it might signal that there are big problems in the relationship. Rather than handling the situation like this, it might be better to just set boundaries with one’s partner and accept whatever decision they make.
The poster tried to get her husband to stop meeting his girl bestie, but he didn’t listen to her and kept gaming with and meeting the other woman. Eventually, the OP had enough, and after a big fight, she told her partner that she felt that he was dismissing her feelings, and also that she had been humiliated because everyone else knew his secret except her.
That’s when the man revealed that he hadn’t just dated his best friend, but he had also gotten her pregnant and had been ready to raise the baby with her. Unfortunately, when the pregnancy failed, she left him, and that’s when he decided that he wanted to be childfree. All of this bombshell news obviously left the poster shocked, and she didn’t know whether her marriage would survive it.
Do you think the OP should accept her husband’s past and move on, or do you think this information could spell doom for her marriage? Do share your thoughts in the comments section below.
Folks were shocked by the man’s secret and felt that there would be no way for the poster to just accept it and move on
