Communication is key in a marriage. One would think that a couple who has been married for 20 years have learned how to discuss the issues bothering them. But clearly, that's not the case.
A woman has taken to Facebook to publicly badmouth her husband for not doing enough for his family. In response, he blocked her and took to a separate forum to complain about his lazy wife and air their dirty laundry. The man, who has admitted to being intoxicated, ended his rant by saying he wants to leave the [insert expletive] but doesn't know how. Netizens have thrown in their two cents, as has etiquette expert Rosalinda Randall during an interview with Bored Panda.
Instead of speaking directly to her husband, she took to Facebook to let the world know he's a failure
Image credits: prostooleh / freepik (not the actual photo)
He retaliated with an online post of his own about how lazy his wife is, and things took a wild turn
Image credits: senivpetro / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anon
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / freepik (not the actual photo)
"Put up the 'For Sale' sign": an expert weighs in
When Bored Panda reached out to etiquette expert and author Rosalinda Randall to ask for her opinion, she didn't mince her words. Randall believes that if intoxication of any sort continues, the relationship is doomed.
"It is impossible to mend a relationship when either party is impaired," she told us.
The expert said that she'd advise the wife to remove the post as a first step. Doing so might show that she is remorseful for airing out the couple's dirty laundry.
"Communicate," adds Randall. "Involve a third party if necessary to review finances and discuss options." However, she believes that if the wife is unwilling to work, even if only to save her home, they may as well put up the "For Sale" sign.
"They need to consider that a well-intentioned neighbor may call CPS regarding the condition of the home and details the daughter may be sharing," warns Randall.
The etiquette expert says that according to the husband’s account of his wife’s day-to-day life, she’s the root cause of their relationship problems. "Okay, maybe he isn’t a go-getter, but he is consistently working with the skills he has," Randall told us. "Being there for each other and for the family is the foundation of a good marriage. At the first sign of temporarily sacrificing her stay-at-home status, she quits, knowing he can’t sustain the household on his reduced income."
"Choosing to publicly put down your husband, especially when your relationship is going through a rough patch, is so high-school; immature, disrespectful and malicious," added Randall.
Why it doesn't pay to badmouth your partner, even when you're heading for divorce court...
It’s not unusual for couples to get on each other’s nerves now and again. But experts warn against complaining to other people.
"It’s disrespectful to your partner to make their business public," Randall said during an interview with Bored Panda. "The only reason to air out your dirty laundry is to make your partner look bad, get sympathy, and accumulate 'likes' and comments supporting your side of the story to throw in his/her face. How is this helpful to the relationship?"
Randall adds that airing out your dirty laundry online reveals more about you than the situation. It also shows that you lack communication skills and can’t be trusted. "What else will you share if things don’t go your way?" she said.
The expert warns that airing out your private business online may even prevent you from getting a job. But in the case of the wife, she adds, "Oh wait, you don’t want to work even when it would help your family out." Randall says she's also concerned about what the woman is teaching her daughter through her actions.
Even if your marriage is on the rocks and divorce proceedings are underway, you shouldn’t badmouth your soon-to-be ex. In fact, some lawyers say doing so is one of the worst mistakes you can make — especially if you have children — and here’s why…
At the end of it all, your spouse is still your children’s mother or father, regardless of what the two of you as a couple have been through or are going through. Hearing you speak badly about them can leave kids feeling uncomfortable, hurt, angry, sad or confused. It could also skew their own judgment of their mom/dad.
“That can rob them of an opportunity to build and maintain a healthy relationship with both parents — which is something children usually need to thrive,” warns Travis Thompson, a family law expert from the Texas-based Law Thompson firm.
Image credits: Malachi Cowie / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Badmouthing your ex can also affect your own relationship with the kids, and not only in terms of how they view you.
"Making disparaging remarks about your spouse in the presence of your children amounts to alienation, and this can negatively impact your custody case," explains Thompson. "Sometimes, the court may issue a temporary injunction when you file for divorce. Besides preventing unnecessary conflicts, an injunction is also meant to prevent both parties from engaging in unethical behavior like badmouthing each other."
The expert adds that if the court believes that you’re incapable of supporting a positive relationship between your children and your co-parent, your custody case can suffer.
"Lawyer up": many understood exactly why the husband was bitter
Some felt it was a case of the pot calling the kettle black
