During pregnancy, moms are supposed to experience as little stress and anxiety as possible. If they have any questions or feel uncomfortable, medical professionals and loved ones are there to help them. Yet 45% of pregnant women say they're afraid of asking questions and sharing concerns.
Talking about pregnancy shouldn't be taboo, but when you have a husband who thinks the things your pregnant body does are 'gross,' you might become embarrassed. When this husband thought his wife was giving his sister pregnancy TMI, he didn't hesitate to call it "disgusting." What he didn't think of was that the wife would retaliate and decide to exclude him from the birth.
A woman was sharing pregnancy details with her SIL when her husband suddenly called her "disgusting"
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Since he hadn't apologized, she didn't tell him when the labor started, prompting him to miss the delivery
Image credits: GSR-PhotoStudio / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ok-Profit-3291
Pregnant women already feel shame about their bodies
Women generally experience a lot of shame related to their bodies. Take menstruation, for example: 42% of women in the U.S. say they have experienced shaming about it from their male friends and family members. Many internalize that shame, as 58% of women admitted they feel ashamed when they menstruate.
When a woman is pregnant, her partner's reactions to her and her body matter a lot. Research shows that women welcome and want support from their partners during pregnancy. However, if they feel like their partner is coming from a place of judgment or offering unwanted support, they're less likely to accept it.
Women in general deal with a lot of body issues. But with pregnancy, they may become even more exacerbated. A 2023 study revealed that pregnant women have mostly negative feelings toward their body changes.
- They felt unattractive due to stretch marks and changes in skin color;
- They felt like they were not fit enough and would compare their body shape with other women in the media;
- They felt uncomfortable that their bellies and hips would draw attention in public places;
- Some women were worried they looked obese;
- They felt less attractive to their partners.
So, when your husband tells you that your pregnant body is "disgusting," all these insecurities and worries are only made worse. At the end of the day, isn't one of the marriage vows "In sickness and in health?"
There are other things partners should avoid saying to their pregnant wives
Referring to your wife's body as "disgusting" might be one of the worst things to say. But there are other topics that spouses should refrain from while their partner is pregnant if they do not want to insult or hurt them. These are the main ones, according to obstetrician and gynecologist Robert Stewart, M.D.:
- Don't complain you aren't sleeping enough. It's hard for pregnant women to find a comfortable sleeping position for their growing bellies. All the tossing and turning is nothing compared to what the dad is going through. Making it about yourself during the pregnancy period in general is just jerk behavior.
- Don't ask what's for dinner. Pregnancy cravings are a real thing. "My wife ate cheese sticks, boiled eggs, and raspberries for about the first two months of her pregnancy," Stewart recalls. "That's what tasted good to her and didn't make her sick." Give up certain meals if the aromas are making the pregnant person nauseous – at the end of the day, they're not making that up.
- Don't make her feel guilty for not wanting to be intimate. Stewart urges husbands to compliment their wives and make them feel as beautiful as they can, especially since a pregnant woman's self-esteem can be low because of her body image. But only push intimacy if she's up for it. "If she's not into it, be understanding and don't make her feel bad about it," Stewart reiterates.
- Don't undermine her pain. Especially during delivery. It might seem that the pain can't be that bad. "It is," Stewart says. "You can't even imagine. Don't try to empathize with her pain. Don't try to minimize it. Just let her experience it, hold her hand, and do what she asks and needs you to do."
"Why are you even with this l***r?" commenters asked, siding with the wife
One person even shared a similar story
Others, however, thought the mom was being too petty: "You went way too far"
A few days passed, but the husband hadn't apologized, so, the mom packed her and the baby's things and went to her brother's
Image credits: Ok-Profit-3291
"I don't think counseling will fix whatever's wrong with him," the commenters reacted
