There’s nothing that will end a relationship as fast as a betrayal of trust. It’s the bedrock that everything else is built upon and, without it, you’ve got nothing. Just ask anyone whose partner has done something dodgy behind their back.
One woman was taken aback when her husband confessed to her that he’d secretly gifted chocolates and cookies to a mom at their son’s school. Apparently, her husband apologized but got angry and shut her down when she wanted to delve a bit deeper.
More info: Reddit
Without trust, you’ve got nothing, as this woman is unfortunately finding out the hard way
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After she brought up one of the moms at her son’s school, her husband reluctantly confessed he’d bought the married woman chocolate and cookies
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Later she spoke to another parent at the school who told her that her husband is known for being flirty, something she had never suspected
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She admitted to feeling a mix of confusion, disappointment, and insecurity, but when she tried talking about it with her hubby, he shut her down
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Not sure how upset she should be, she turned to netizens to get some objective insights and advice
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The woman told the online community that she doesn’t want to overreact, but she also doesn’t want to ignore something that feels so off
When a school mom texted OP out of the blue to grab coffee, it seemed harmless. But her 31-year-old husband, a stay-at-home dad, had secretly gone a step further. He drove half an hour to get specialty chocolates and cookies for this mom. He said he was already shopping, but... OP had never even met the woman.
He only confessed to all this after she brought up the coffee text, saying he feared the mom might mention the treats. OP tried to talk it out, but he just got defensive and angry. No deep conversation, just “drop it.” His reaction raised more red flags than reassurance. Why was he being so secretive? And why was he so upset?
Later, another school parent let it slip that OP’s hubby is known as a “flirty guy.” And the surprises didn’t end there. Apparently, he once let a teacher wear his cologne, literally rubbing it on her wrists. While the sweet treats were strange, this was just plain awkward. For OP, something definitely wasn’t sitting right anymore, so she turned to an online community for advice.
Her husband refuses to revisit the issue, saying his vague apology was enough. OP, however, is not convinced. The mom in question couldn’t meet until Thursday, so she’s waiting to talk to her. In the meantime, OP says she’s grateful for netizens’ insights and now knows she’s not crazy for feeling at least a little betrayed.
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From what OP tells us in her post, her husband doesn’t seem to think his frankly dodgy behavior is a big deal, but his unwillingness to discuss it reeks of guilt. What OP is possibly in the early stages of is something called betrayal trauma. So, just what is it, and how do you recover? We went looking for answers.
In her article for Charlie Health, Eleanor Blaine writes that betrayal trauma, a term coined by psychologist Jennifer Freyd, is used by clinicians to describe what happens when the people or institutions we depend on for support and safety violate our trust.
According to Blaine, one of the most common effects of betrayal trauma is betrayal blindness, meaning the unawareness, not-knowing, and forgetting of betrayals (often done unconsciously). Freyd suggests that betrayal blindness is a common occurrence, especially in response to childhood trauma and partner trauma (usually infidelity).
In her article for ChoosingTherapy, Rachel Larson suggests several tips for betrayal trauma recovery. A few of these include acknowledging the trauma, taking care of your body, focusing on your healthy relationships, learning to set boundaries, finding your passion (or rediscovering an old one), and committing to your own personal growth.
We suspect OP’s upcoming coffee with the other woman is going to be interesting. Whatever happens, she and her husband are probably going to have to hash things out sooner or later. After all, without trust, you ain’t got much.
What would you do if you found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think her husband’s hiding anything else? What do you think her coffee with the other mom will reveal? Let us know in the comments!
In the comments, readers slammed the husband for being dishonest and flirty, with one straight up accusing him of cheating
