If you think that babysitting a disabled child is a big responsibility, just think how challenging it can be to look after an adult. It is not necessarily everyone’s cup of tea, so it’s totally fine to get professional help if needed, don’t you think?
Well, this couple was conflicted as the husband’s parents expected them to look after his extremely disabled brother when they were no more. He only said yes out of guilt, but then, they both started doubting it as the man tended to get violent as well. Read on to find out how they tried to resolve the issue…
More info: Reddit
Looking after a severely disabled adult is a huge responsibility, and people have a right to say no, even if it's family
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster's husband has a severely disabled brother in his 20s, who gets violent, is prone to meltdowns, and needs constant supervision
Image credits: Throwmedical99
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Her in-laws expect the couple to take care of him if anything happens to them, and not put him in a care home, but they were not happy with this
Image credits: Throwmedical99
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster, didn't want this to happen, so she asked her sister's advice, but the woman called her selfish and said that her husband should decide
Image credits: Throwmedical99
After she spoke with her husband, the couple concluded that they couldn't look after him, so they planned to search for other solutions
Today, we dive into quite a complex story as the original poster (OP) tells us about the conundrum that she is stuck in. The thing is, her husband has a younger brother in his 20s who is severely intellectually disabled. He’s also quite tall and very strong, gets violent, is prone to meltdowns if his family is not there, is very dependent, and constantly needs supervision.
While the couple is close with his family, they never expected what the poster’s in-laws asked of them. Apparently, if something happens to them, they want OP and her husband to take in their son. Well, he wasn’t too happy about this and ended up in tears, claiming he felt guilty for not being a good elder brother. Although he felt trapped, he still decided that he would say yes to his parents.
OP is very skeptical about this, as they plan to have kids, but with a violent man who constantly needs supervision, it will be very difficult. Besides, since she earns less, she’ll have to quit work to look after him. She confessed her feelings to her sister, but she called her selfish. The woman told her that it should be her husband’s decision, and OP shouldn’t say anything at all.
However, the poster updated that she actually spoke with her husband, who claimed that he only said yes out of guilt. She felt that her sister was the wrong person to ask for advice, as she also has a disabled daughter. Well, the couple has come to the conclusion that they are going to look for other alternatives and inform the parents that they can’t really take him in.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Research suggests that caring for a disabled adult can have a negative impact on the well-being of the caregiver. In fact, it further states that 13% of all caregivers and 15% of those caring for the disabled older adults reported symptoms of anxiety and depression. This proves that it is an extremely difficult task that demands sacrifice, and it should not be forced on anyone.
OP was also concerned about having kids in the future, and it’s rightly so. Experts warn that even if kids see violence, it can have a deep, long-lasting impact on them and might lead to PTSD. Raising a child would be truly challenging for the couple if they agreed to take in the brother. Just like him, even kids require constant supervision, and it would be very difficult to juggle both.
What really bothered folks was that she would have to be the one to give up her job, not her husband. They claimed that it sounded very unfair, so OP clarified that most of her money comes from inheritance, as her job doesn’t pay much. Meanwhile, her husband is the main breadwinner, so he would keep his job for the family.
Netizens also pointed out that while it was fair for their parents to ask, the decision was entirely in their hands, and shouldn’t be a forced one. Also, many suggested that there are a lot of amazing care homes that might do the job better than any family member. Would you do the same thing if you were in their shoes? Let us know in the comments!
Folks online sided with the poster that it will be a huge responsibility, and they had every right to say "no"
