In theory, when two people get married, that means they accept each other for who they are — the good, the bad, and the ugly. After all, no one is perfect. Sadly, in reality, that's not always the case.
Let's take the OP's marriage — turns out her husband, a person she trusted enough to be intimate with, isn't a stranger to fat-shaming. He waited until she was in the most vulnerable position to bring up how she hasn't had a proper workout for quite a while. So, no surprise this made the woman beyond humiliated, which isn't something that should happen in a healthy marriage, is it?
More info: Reddit
While in theory a relationship means you accept each other the way you are, from time to time, the reality isn't always like that
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
A woman got into the bath with her husband, expecting to spend nice, intimate time with a person she trusts
Image credits: musefoto / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Apparently, his plan was different and as soon as they got in, he decided to point out that she hasn't worked out in a while
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
This made the woman beyond humiliated, as she was in a very vulnerable position, while her husband was criticizing her looks
Image credits: Tarahasmanyquestions
After this, she felt so anxious she could barely eat and barely look at him
One day, while the OP and her husband were taking a bath together, he decided to make a rather unpleasant remark about her body. To be more specific, he started yapping about how the wife hadn’t worked out this week and that they needed to get her into a “proper routine.”
Well, that quickly made the woman feel uncomfortable for a few reasons. First of all, people’s bodies are a sensitive topic. Most of us, no matter how conventionally attractive we are, feel insecure in our skin at least from time to time. And it’s all due to the constantly changing beauty standards that are hard to keep up with. Yet, it’s also hard not to give in to them, which just drives up insecurities.
So, it’s always best to steer clear from discussing other people's bodies, as crossing an insulting line is way too easy here. Still, some people decide to do so, just like the OP’s husband.
Granted, it isn’t that partners can’t discuss each other's bodies. It’s best when such conversations are born from a place of care and concern and not something shallow.
As Bored Panda's interviewee, plus-size activist Riccardo Onorato, pointed out, if a person comments on their partner's appearance in a way that reflects societal beauty standards rather than concerns for their well-being, it usually reveals more about the individual's own insecurities than their partner's.
As he said, "They fear that a change in weight could lead to external judgements or a negative perception of the couple." It could also be a form of wanting to exercise control on the partner. Either way, it's a mean thing to do that can lead to self-esteem damage.
Image credits: lifestock / Freepik (not the actual photo)
If these things are still decided to be brought up, it's important how it's done – it has to be in a sensitive matter, one that opens a dialogue and doesn’t point out someone's fault or flaws.
So, basically, the original poster’s husband did everything wrong – he not only meanly talked about his wife's lack of a fitness regime, but also he did it while they were in an intimate setting – so there was no chance it would turn out to be a comfortable conversation.
Our interviewee Riccardo Onorato added that such fat-shaming comments coming from someone like a partner are usually more hurtful than those coming from strangers: "It feels more personal because you have more trust and intimacy with that person. When comments come from strangers, they are still hurtful, but easier to dismiss because we don’t have an emotional connection with strangers."
So, the husband's actions were very hurtful. Plus, besides essentially shaming her, the man also turned a blind eye to the reason why she wasn’t able to work out lately. Apparently, the woman was so busy with her work, but still had to do the cooking and cleaning after coming home, which left her no time for any kind of exercise.
It’s something that some dub “the invisible workload of women.” In a nutshell, it is when women are responsible for many household chores, from remembering to buy needed things or knowing important information to taking care of chores.
While we don’t know how much of all of this the OP takes on, it’s pretty clear that at least the chore part is on her shoulders. That means the husband, who doesn’t have to take care of it, has time for his fitness, which makes his shaming his wife for having a few snacks a nasty behavior.
All of this humiliated the woman so badly, she became too anxious to eat and didn’t want to talk to her spouse. When she wrote about it on Reddit, the folks online couldn’t believe the man’s audacity. They started suggesting that the woman should put herself first – stop cleaning and cooking and instead start doing her own stuff, just like he does.
After all, marriage should be as equal as possible, shouldn’t it? Well, so far theirs is far from it. Hopefully, they’ll find a way to make it better, even if it’s with netizens’ suggestions or something else and the husband will understand the flaws of his ways.
Netizens were startled by the man's audacity and suggested that the woman should stop doing chores (which leave her no time to exercise) and put herself first, just like he does
