You know, I was recently rewatching old seasons of “Friends” and was literally shocked by how many times, for example, Chandler or Ross could have a wonderful romantic relationship with someone outside the six, but all the other friends would immediately intervene, ruining it all.
Why? Well, simply because "you deserve better" and "that person isn't right for you!" But at the end of the day, it's us, not our friends, who should decide who we want to be with! Well, the narrator of today's story also faced something similar in her difficult yet sometimes still happy marriage.
More info: Reddit
If you have a loving spouse and a devoted bestie, you're definitely blessed from above, but if these two are close friends too, you're doubly blessed
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author of the post is married, they have a baby, and the couple has really had their ups and downs in the past
Image credits: DC Studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
However, the woman admits that her husband's male bestie was always trying to drive a wedge between them
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
That man even urged the author's husband to divorce her, and offered him some affair partners
Image credits: Big-Resident3551
So now the woman is ambivalent about what to do here, as she wants to keep her family over all
So, the Original poster (OP) and her husband are both in their mid-thirties, they've been together since college, and they have a little kid. The couple has had their ups and downs, and there was even a period in their lives, right after the baby was born, when they almost divorced. The OP doesn't blame her spouse - in such situations, it's often both. But she made every effort to get her family back.
Apparently, her husband also considered his best male friend and the co-founder of his business to be a kind of family. For a while, this guy even literally lived in their home. Our heroine always treated him well, but the man, apparently, disliked her from the very first day they met.
When she and her husband were on the brink of divorce, the woman discovered that the friend constantly advised her husband to leave her and even suggested he have an affair with their mutual married friend. And when the original poster tried to call him for advice on reconciling with her spouse, he coldly tried to dissuade her.
But now the family is back together, and things seem to be improving, the OP admits. However, she now wants to return to work, and when she asked her husband to find a position for her in their family business, the bestie again refused. And the OP's hubby once again gave in to him. But when a friend brought his wife to work at the company, no one objected. So the author decided to ask for support online.
Image credits: syda_productions / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Interestingly, the phenomenon of interactions between friends and spouses has long been studied, both by experts and in popular culture. As I've already mentioned, for example, typical stories from the TV series "How I Met Your Mother" or "Friends" involve many characters who literally feel entitled to judge their besties' partners and do everything they can to break up their relationships if they don't like them.
But those are sitcoms, after all, while experts claim, quite seriously, that the meddlers in many ways tend to devalue their friends' relationships, fostering emotional detachment between spouses. The author of this article, published on Psychology Today, explains that such friends try to emotionally replace spouses, undermining trust in marriage.
A recent study published in Sage Journals in 2021 actually confirms that some people with narcissistic personality traits tend to frequently interfere in their besties' romantic relationships, even deriving a certain pleasure from the process of ruining them. They do this both consciously and subconsciously, stemming from a sense of possessiveness toward their friend.
Perhaps the OP experienced something similar? Well, many commenters think so too. Some even suggest the author needs to have a serious talk with her man, confronting him with a choice: family or his bestie. However, who can guarantee he won't choose friendship? And what do you, our dear readers, think about this case?
Many people in the comments gave the author their support, and some of them urged her to go through therapy with her husband
