Mothers are superheroes who can inexplicably do it all. Well, that’s how it seems from the outside because most women are masters at keeping it all together, but the burden of having to balance a career, take care of children, and manage the household would take a toll on anybody. So maybe we shouldn’t just accept that mothers are superhuman, and instead, we should ask how we can make their lives easier and take as much as we can off of their plates.
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One mother recently shared a rant on TikTok as her husband prepared to go on a long hunting trip, leaving her to manage everything at home. After that video went viral, fellow TikToker Laura Danger, or ThatDarnChat, responded with another video breaking down how common it is for women to be saddled with the majority of domestic labor in their households.
Below, you’ll find Laura’s full explanation of this double standard most households seem to have, an interview we were lucky enough to receive from her and some of the comments her video received. We would love to hear your thoughts below, as I’m sure many women out there can relate to this video. Then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article highlighting outdated expectations society has for women, you can find that right here.
After a mother's rant went viral, TikToker Laura Danger expanded on the conversation about how often women shoulder the majority of domestic labor responsibilities
Image credits: thatdarnchat
First, Laura shared a portion of the video where a mother complained about her husband leaving for a long hunting trip
Laura noted that her followers had shared the video with her
Image credits: thatdarnchat
The wife continued to explain to her husband why she was upset
Image credits: thatdarnchat
Laura then broke down how common this issue is, citing studies on the topic as well
Image credits: thatdarncha
Image credits: thatdarncha
Image credits: thatdarncha
She then shared a list of the tasks that it takes to run a household
Image credits: thatdarncha
Image credits: thatdarncha
Image credits: thatdarncha
Finally, Laura encouraged women to start advocating for themselves
You can watch Laura's full video right here
We reached out to Laura via email to hear what inspired her to respond to this video in the first place. "I've been talking about domestic labor online for the last year or so, and I've come to realize just how deeply this dynamic is affecting couples," Laura told Bored Panda. "Not only are women losing, reporting higher stress levels than their male counterparts, but they're getting passed up at work and missing out on fulfilling opportunities outside of work. In the video, she so clearly illustrates the frustration that many primary caregivers are dealing with," she explained. "I'm a Fair Play facilitator, which is the system I highlight in the video. Eve Rodsky, the author of the Fair Play book, breaks down what it takes to run a household and how to truly share the mental load. In my opinion, that's REAL home equity."
When it comes to her goal in sharing videos like this, Laura told us, "I want primary caregivers to know it's not too much to ask for equal partnership. I want to empower couples to feel like they can both be actively engaged in the mental labor of running home. In fact, in egalitarian partnerships, partners report higher relational satisfaction and tend to stay married!"
Laura went on to explain how important it is to have conversations like this, especially if you feel like your partner could be contributing more to the household. "Active partnership at home is about empowering each other to follow their dreams and live joyful lives," she told Bored Panda. "It's not fair if one person feels like they can freely take off for 10 days while the other person can't do the same. Active partnership at home allows for you to support each other to take long trips, join sports leagues, volunteer or take job new job opportunities."
"If you're nervous about how to bring up finding a fairer balance of the mental load at home, I highly recommend checking out the Fair Play book or documentary, attending one of my Fair Play workshops or even just checking out my super short YouTube video on the topic," Laura shared. "It's about removing the 'manager/employee' partnership at home and both feeling ownership over building a life together. What's not to love about that?"
"I love seeing this movement toward calling out inequity at home, and I have hope that the next generation will see what real partnership looks like. I'm working on a book about the topic and cannot wait to get it out into the world," Laura added.
The mother in this video addressing her husband hit the nail on the head with this topic. Unfortunately, many men don’t even realize that while they have free time to go hunting, watch a football game or hang out with their friends, their partners are often using that time to clean, do laundry, run errands, prepare meals and take care of their children. But a partnership should be fifty-fifty, and this mother absolutely deserves to call her husband out for not contributing enough.
It seems like an outdated idea for women to be in charge of more of the household work, but unfortunately, this norm persists. And a lack of awareness among the men in these situations seems to be a common theme, as a 2021 Pew Research Center poll found that 59% of American women say they do the bulk of the household chores, while only 34% of men say that their partner handles more of the chores. And when it comes to how American moms and dads view how involved they are in their children’s lives, 54% of mothers say they are the more involved parent. Meanwhile, 63% of fathers believe that both parents are equally involved.
As Laura mentioned in the video, working a full-time job does not allow women any slack either. According to a 2020 report from the Institute for Women’s Policy, women in the United States spend, on average, 2 hours more per day cooking, cleaning, taking care of children and doing other unpaid labor than their male counterparts. And women who work at least 35 hours a week still spend 22% more time a week on household work than men.
It’s important for all of us to take a moment to stop and think about exactly how much we and our partners are contributing to the household, as one person can easily end up doing more of the work without the other person realizing. As Laura mentioned in the video, women often think, “It’s easier if I just do it myself” or, “If you want something done, just do it”. I am certainly guilty of justifying taking on extra housework for those reasons too, but at the end of the day, that mindset is taking something away from every individual who holds it. Time, energy, or perhaps even joy if you’re missing out on doing the things you really love because someone has to mop the floors and make dinner.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this topic down below. How are household responsibilities split in your home? And do you have any tips for ensuring that too much burden does not fall on one person? Let us know in the comments, and then if you’d like to check out another Bored Panda piece highlighting a mother who became frustrated with doing too many chores, we recommend reading this piece next.
Many viewers echoed the wife's sentiments in the comments, with some noting their personal experiences of single-handedly holding a household together
