Emotional betrayal can be just as devastating as physical betrayal. Finding out your partner hasn’t been honest with you, especially when it comes to their relationship with another person, can destroy the trust that everything else is built upon.
One woman was horrified to discover her husband had been having a text affair with one of his coworkers. Even after she confronted him about it, the texting carried on, so she messaged the mistress’ husband. Now she’s wondering if that was a jerk move.
More info: Reddit
Being cheated on is one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship, but this woman was determined to hold on to her dignity
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
She discovered a text message exchange between her husband and one of his coworkers that left her reeling
Image credits: lifestock / Freepik (not the actual photo)
After she confronted her husband about it, he basically said it was no big deal and that she was overreacting
Image credits: beststudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
In her gut, the woman knew something was off, then her worst fears were confirmed when she came across even more flirty messages
Image credits: lifestock / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman hit back by texting her husband’s parents, brother, and to top it all off, the mistress’ husband too
Image credits: anonymous
Her mother-in-law berated her, but now she’s wondering if messaging the mistress’ husband makes her a jerk
After four years of marriage, OP discovered her husband’s secret emotional bond with one of his coworkers, Hannah. Although not physical (yet), the secrecy hurt. Her husband, Adam, insisted it was just friendship, but her gut told her something was off. And unfortunately, her gut was right.
Over time, Hannah kept showing up in Adam’s stories, and OP’s concern turned into confirmation. Three months ago, Adam admitted having feelings for her. Apparently, Hannah had been saying things like, “I wish I met you before my husband.” Yeah... ouch. OP filed for divorce but still tried to make it work. Spoiler alert: that didn’t last long.
Soon after, Adam had a meltdown, and she reached out to Hannah directly with a heartfelt letter. She didn’t want drama, just some basic humanity. But Adam still kept messaging Hannah. It wasn’t long before OP saw more flirty texts. “What would we do on our first date?” Hannah asked. “Here’s a list,” was Adam’s response.
So, OP took action. She informed Adam’s family, emailed Hannah’s husband Joe, and sent Hannah an email to her work account. Adam freaked out. His mom blamed her. OP, however, stayed calm, classy, and brutally honest. Was she the villain for outing them? Most people reading this would say nope, just the heroine in her own plot twist.
Image credits: user25451090 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
From what OP tells us in her post, she’s a victim of emotional infidelity, no matter how you spin it. Many people dismiss it because there's “no physical cheating”, but is emotional cheating still real cheating? We went looking for answers.
According to the Cleveland Clinic website, emotional cheating is a type of non-physical affair that involves developing a close bond with someone other than your partner without fully disclosing the existence of that connection. Over time, as you continue to build an emotional bond with this other person, you may experience a disruption in your own relationship.
“Emotional cheating goes beyond friendship when you find that you have chemistry with this person, that there’s physical attraction, that you’re thinking about them all the time or you’re fantasizing about this person romantically or sexually,” explains psychologist Dr. Chivonna Childs. “Those are times when these relationships cross the friendship boundary into emotional cheating territory.”
In her article for the BBC, Katie Bishop writes that, as the digital age creates more ways for us to communicate, understanding which interactions outside the relationship cross the line into dangerous territory has become more difficult than ever.
“Social media in general has changed the way we meet and interact with others,” says Amira Johnson, a mental- and behavioral-health expert at Berman Psychotherapy. With smartphones and social media platforms, Johnson says, it’s easy to engage in behavior that might lead to emotional infidelity.
Still, blaming technology is a bit of a cop-out. OP’s husband knows he’s in the wrong - let’s just hope he remembers that during the upcoming divorce proceedings.
Image credits: marymarkevich / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda reached out to psychologist Dr. Deborah Hecker to ask her if she thought OP went too far by letting everyone know about the emotional affair.
Hecker had this to say, "Spousal betrayal of any kind is heartbreaking. It’s even more devastating if everyone knows about it and doesn’t tell the betrayed. Spouses have the right to know if their partner is being unfaithful. The truth empowers them to make choices about their life. To say nothing is to be an enabler!"
"Before telling the person, it is critical that you know it’s 100% true, not something you heard from someone else. I recommend telling them in person, in a safe and nonjudgmental way." concluded Hecker.
What would you have done if you’d found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think she went too far? Let us know in the comments!
In the comments, readers swiftly agreed that the woman was not being a jerk and slammed her husband, his mistress, and her mother-in-law while they were at it
