When I was a kid, I was always surprised by the questions of some adults: “Who do you love more, your dad or your mom?” A completely unreasonable question, to me, similar to “Which eye is more convenient for you to see from?” or “Which lung, right or left, do you prefer to breathe through?” Decades have passed, I have become an adult, but the questions have not gone away.
Here is another confirmation of this - a story from the user u/GoodShirt360 in the AITAH community on Reddit, who was put in the situation of a possible difficult choice by his own wife. And the answer, as you yourself understand, turned out to be wrong, from her point of view... However, let's figure it out together.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post is a 36 Y.O. man who will soon become a dad for the first time in his life
Image credits: Anna Shvets (not the actual photo)
The sad thing is that the guy's mom, whom he loves very much, recently got diagnosed with 4 stage cancer
Image credits: u/GoodShirt360
The man admits that his mom did her best to give him a decent life and education, so he owes her deeply
Image credits: cottonbro studio(not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/GoodShirt360
Recently his wife asked the author where he'd rather be if she goes into labor at the same moment when his mom's on her deathbed
Image credits: Alena Darmel (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/GoodShirt360
The man answered that he'd perhaps pick his mom and thus made his spouse mad at him
So, the Original Poster (OP), a 36-year-old man, says that he will soon become a father for the first time. However, the upcoming joyful event will most likely be offset by a tragic loss, because the author's mother was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and she is currently in the hospital.
As the man himself admits, he owes a lot in his life to his mom, who literally poured her soul into her son and, after the early death of her husband, worked two jobs to provide him with a decent life and education. The son grew up and thanked his mother by buying her a new house - and now he regularly goes to the hospital to visit her.
And so, after one of these visits, the OP's pregnant wife asked her husband - well, if events somehow turn out such that she gives birth at just the moment when her mother-in-law is on her deathbed, what will he choose: to be present at the birth of his child or at the last minutes of his mother's life?
The question is, of course, not an easy one for anyone and, frankly, not very tactful, but the original poster did not hesitate for a minute and stated that in this situation he would choose to be at his mom's deathbed. The whole point is, our hero explained to his upset wife, that his mother, firstly, gave him a lot in this life, and secondly, he will never see her again. As for childbirth, if anything happens, the wife’s parents will be with her if she wants.
Needless to say, the wife was completely upset and went mad at her spouse. A real family drama ensued and the woman declared that she did not want to see her husband anymore. He got up, left the house and went to his mom’s place, which has been empty since the moment its owner was admitted to the hospital. Several days have passed since that ill-fated conversation - the spouses still have not reconciled, and the man is sincerely perplexed. What was he wrong about?
Image credits: Anna Shvets (not the actual photo)
“It’s a very difficult question - and here you can actually understand both sides,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here. “On the one hand, it is understandable that the expectant mother, especially if this is her first pregnancy, is worried so much about the upcoming birth, and she would like her husband to be nearby.”
“On the other hand, the experiences of a man who is about to lose one of the closest people in his life are also totally understandable. However, it seems to me that the husband here should initiate reconciliation, try to explain his motives to his wife again, and perhaps, if the situation described does happen, try to organize it so that the birth takes place in the same hospital where his mother is,” Irina ponders.
By the way, one of the commenters on the original post, who once found himself in a similar situation, also came up with the same idea. The man managed to arrange for his wife to give birth in the same hospital building, so that he only had to move between floors to provide support to both of the most important women in his life...
People in the comments also wrote that the original poster definitely faced a very difficult choice, and that asking such a question is fundamentally incorrect. However, a pregnant woman’s fears of childbirth are an absolutely logical excuse. "Your wife needs you. Your baby needs you. You want to be there for your mom," one of the commenters claimed.
By the way, some commenters noted that the author of the post should talk to his mother too - if everything he said about her is true, then the old lady will simply tell her son not to fool around and go straight to his wife and baby. It is quite possible that this is the most logical option. And what do you think, our dear readers?
People in the comments admit that it'd be a very tough choice and that nobody's really wrong here
