Separation and divorce are not the same thing. Let’s repeat it again, louder, so that everyone can hear: separation and divorce are NOT the same thing! But alas, some folks don’t quite get the difference. And it can lead to some truly hilarious and embarrassing moments.
Internet user u/3rin_123 went viral on the TwoHotTakes subreddit when she revealed that her ex, whom she’s separated but not divorced from, is currently in the midst of planning a “full-on wedding.” Check out the full story below, and don’t forget to read how the internet reacted to the bonkers situation. Bored Panda has reached out to the author, and we’ll update the article as soon as she gets back to us.
It can be a very peculiar thing to learn that your ex-spouse, whom you're only separated from, thinks that you're legally divorced
Image credits: kues1 / freepik (not the actual photo)
That's what happened to this woman. She revealed how her ex is about to get married again, and shared her confusion online
Image credits: Tim Samuel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Doğukan Benli / Pexels (not the actual photo)
She later posted an update about how she's planning on dealing with the situation
Image credits: 3rin_123
Though they might sound similar, separation and divorce are fundamentally different things
Separation refers to a period of time when a couple lives separately. They are still considered to be legally married. Essentially, this provides space for the possibility of reconciling after some time. Or, if things don’t work out, they can then file for divorce.
Meanwhile, divorce means that you legally completely dissolve and end your marriage. This can involve child custody and support, and divvying up the couple’s assets.
According to MetLife, a separation agreement is a legal contract that outlines the terms and responsibilities of the separation. For instance, the agreement can touch upon spouses’ division of property, allocating parental responsibilities, child custody and support, etc.
When a couple separates, they can decide to keep their spouse covered under insurance plans. This coverage is lost after divorce.
Furthermore, separation rather than divorce means that the couple can file taxes jointly. On top of that, separated couples are, in some areas, considered to be next-of-kin and can make legal and medical decisions.
During separation, debts, liabilities, and property ownership are typically left untouched.
MetLife explains that you may want to choose separation over divorce if you:
- Don’t feel ready to end your marriage yet
- Want to maintain insurance and financial benefits
- Need time to come to an agreement and prepare to file for divorce
You can have a peaceful, amicable divorce. However, it requires proper communication and maturity on both sides
Divorce.com points out that it’s certainly possible to have a peaceful, healthy divorce where you protect your time and money while avoiding stress. The key is to focus on communication, compromise, and pacing.
“You don’t need to rush into filing for divorce the moment you’ve decided to end your marriage, even in the case of an amicable separation,” Divorce.com states. “The act of seeking a divorce isn’t going to repair any hurt, stress, or anxious feelings you’re experiencing as a result of your marriage ending. Healing from the breakup of your relationship is an entirely separate process, and it’s something you should start before you begin the emotional labor of getting a divorce.”
While it’s possible that you and your ex-spouse might become friends after your divorce, this won’t happen automatically. Nor is it a given. You may need some healthy distance from each other first. Focus on building your new life first, and then set up some healthy boundaries.
“Unless there’s a pressing reason for you to complete your divorce quickly, slow the process down. You only need to follow the court’s timeline if you’ve filed for contested divorce. If you plan to file for uncontested divorce, you’re free to make decisions at your own pace. You don’t need to file your divorce papers until you’re both ready.”
For example, you should give yourself permission to take breaks from any important discussions with your ex. Take a step back. Create some space. Come back to the topic when you’re both calm, cool, and collected, instead of frustrated.
And above everything, be willing to communicate and compromise. “Successful compromises are often the result of listening as much as you talk,” Divorce.com suggests.
Though you can’t control how your ex will respond in certain situations, you can control how you respond. “Don’t focus on what they’re doing. Focus on what you’re doing. If you remain peaceful and refuse to engage with emotional or combative tactics, your ex won’t get anything accomplished. They’ll eventually realize that their communication style isn’t getting them anywhere.”
What are your thoughts, Pandas? How would you react if your ex suddenly started planning a wedding while you still weren’t divorced, just separated? What would you do if you were in the viral post author’s shoes? You can share your thoughts in the comments below.
Later, the woman clarified a few important details in the comments
The bizarre situation got a lot of people's attention. Here's what they told the author of the post
