Working under a boss you genuinely admire is wonderful. But finding out that your spouse thinks they’re beyond fascinating, too, can quickly go too far. There is a thin line between admiration and an unhealthy fixation.
A woman took to the internet to share how her marriage began imploding when her husband started obsessing over her boss and her every move. Keep reading for her full story, including several heart-rending updates.
It's wonderful to have a great boss who you genuinely like. But there's a problem if your spouse also likes them a little too much
This woman spilled the tea about how her husband's obsession with her boss grew to immense proportions
It takes time to heal from a bad relationship, and there are numerous factors at play
Healing and moving past a bad breakup or divorce takes time, patience, and focused effort. Finding a good therapist to help you reframe your experiences is hugely beneficial, especially if you can’t seem to move past certain issues no matter how many months or years go by. The important thing to remember is that asking a professional for help is not a sign of weakness.
According to Susan Pease Gadoua, L.C.S.W., how long it takes to ‘recover’ from divorce depends on numerous factors such as:
- How long you were together
- How good the relationship was
- How committed you were to your spouse
- Whether the divorce was a surprise to you
- Whether you have children together
- Whether you or your spouse was involved in a new relationship
- Your personality, age, socioeconomic status, etc.
“I liken the undoing of a marriage to trying to disentangle two trees that have grown next to each other for years. The more intertwined the root systems are, the longer it will take for the trees to go their separate ways. In addition, grief has a life of its own and you are done when your grief process is done, and not a minute before. There is no magic formula and no way to get through your grief on the fast track,” she writes.
Some of the main things that make the divorce recovery process much more difficult include isolating yourself, never asking for help, never talking about your feelings, ignoring problems, berating yourself for still feeling bad, trying to push down negative emotions, not accepting your new reality, and not trusting that things will work out.
The healthy thing to do is to be social and proactive and accept reality, even if you don't like it
On the flip side, the healthy approach is to ask for and let others help, open up about your grief, allow yourself to feel whatever you feel, and try to accept the reality of the new situation even if you don’t like it. You also have to be willing to make mistakes, as they are going to happen no matter how prepared you (think you) are.
Gadoua emphasizes that if you are, for instance, 3 or 4 years after your divorce and still can’t let go, you likely don’t have adequate emotional support and should reach out ot a professional. Try to look for a specialist whose expertise is in divorce or grief.
Meanwhile, Peg Streep explained in a piece on Psychology Today that reclaiming your sense of agency after divorce involves being proactive. For example, you should set new goals for yourself, manage your regrets, embrace your shifting identity, and focus on the things you can actually control.
According to Streep, rumination keeps you stuck in the past. “Consciously make a decision not to talk about the divorce as if it’s still ongoing. ‘If only’ thinking—if only I hadn’t married him/her, if only I’d acted sooner—only keeps you stuck and feeling powerless. If you beat yourself up for making the mistakes you made, please seek help: What you’re doing is counterproductive,” she wrote.
“Recognize that you need to let go of your lousy experience and move forward. If you’re having trouble—you’re still ruminating over mistakes made or opportunities missed, still flooded with negative emotion, or drowning in regret—please get support and speak to a counselor or therapist. Work on implementing the goals you’ve set for yourself and put one foot in front of the other. There’s a whole future ahead.”
What’s your perspective, Pandas? What advice would you give the woman to help her heal from her messy divorce? Have you ever had your partner cheat on you with someone you knew from work? What are the most subtle cheating red flags that you’ve personally seen that you’d warn everyone to keep an eye out for?
Here's how the internet reacted to the woman's story
Later, the author had an important update to share about her marriage
Internet users had a lot to say about what happened
The woman then shared another update about the imploding and messy relationship
Here are a few more readers' perspectives about the relationship drama
In a final update, the author revealed what happened after the divorce
That last follow-up once again made people online share their advice and opinions
