Marriage isn’t just the joining of two people; it’s also the weaving together of different families and cultures, which can be an interesting but also complicated experience. This is especially true if both families speak different languages, which can sometimes lead to misunderstandings.
This is what happened between an Indian woman and her mother-in-law, who kept switching languages when she wanted to say things behind her back. What the older woman didn’t know was that her daughter-in-law understood everything that she was saying.
More info: Reddit
In-law relationships can often be difficult because of how people talk about one another secretly, but this can be remedied by being honest and direct
Image credits: ASphotofamily / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that even though she and her husband are both Indian, they were from different parts of the country and hence spoke different languages
Image credits: rawpixel.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman understood her husband’s language, but chose not to reveal that, as she found it amusing when her mother-in-law talked about her secretly
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Once, without thinking, the woman slipped up and revealed that she understood her in-law’s language, which left her mother-in-law shocked
Image credits: Tale_Revolutionary
After the incident, the mother-in-law behaved extra sweetly with the woman, which made her sad as she felt that she had lost her secret superpower
The poster and her husband are from different parts of India, so their native dialect is different, and his family believed that she couldn’t understand a single thing they were saying. That’s unfortunately why the OP’s mother-in-law kept switching languages, as she wanted to talk about her behind her back.
It’s definitely rude to say mean things about a family member, especially in such an underhanded way. Although the OP didn’t expect her husband to defend her when his mother said rude things in their native language, it seems like he did do that on his own. He also kept asking his mom to stop, but she continued saying her rude comments whenever she got the chance.
For insights on this sensitive cultural situation, Bored Panda reached out to Jessica Kumar. She is a strategic marketing advisor, linguistics analyst, Hindi-speaking educator, and expert on South Asian emerging markets. Jessica told us that “as a white American married to a North Indian, I've definitely had my share of miscommunications with my in-laws, who are originally from Bihar, one of the most conservative states in India."
She explained that the intertwining of their lives has definitely led to many communication wins and challenges, especially since his parents now live with them and their two kids. In all of this, Jessica believes that it's important for her spouse to deal with his family, and for her to deal with hers.
“Even after 15 years of marriage, I can't count how many times we have been annoyed with each other's families. We come back to this policy, and I often find myself asking him, ‘can you please talk to your mother, because she is getting on my nerves about this issue,’’ Jessica added.
Image credits: rantaimages / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster hadn’t planned on revealing that she knew her husband’s native language, but she slipped up and exposed her knowledge when her mother-in-law was on a call one day. This was obviously shocking to both her spouse and her in-laws, because they probably realized she had understood all the things they had said about her since the beginning.
It’s clear that right from the start, the woman didn’t feel bad about her mother-in-law’s secret comments, but this kind of behavior shouldn’t actually be encouraged. People who’ve been in cross-cultural relationships state that they often feel excluded when in-laws switch languages in their presence, even when they all can speak a common dialect.
That’s why Jessica Kumar also added that “the husband should manage expectations about the role of his wife vs. the role of his mother." She explained that any negative comments should be passed through him, and he should be the one to speak to his mother in private and defend his wife. It isn't solely the daughter-in-law's job to constantly fight off negative comments.
“In my thinking, there are two kinds of comments: [one is] harsh words based out of insecurity and [two is] legitimate criticisms. In this case, the mother-in-law was saying things out of insecurity, and those should be handled by the son, in my opinion,” Jessica explained.
Luckily, the OP’s revelation didn’t lead to a massive confrontation; it probably just taught the mother-in-law a valuable lesson about respect and kindness. Hopefully, she continues to be sweet to the poster and refrains from making any more underhanded comments.
Have you ever been in a situation like this where someone was speaking about you, but in a different language? We’d love to hear your experiences too!
Folks were amused by the situation, and some shared stories of this happening to them as well
