Raising children is a monumental challenge, and it’s even harder if you have to do it alone. Things go much more smoothly when you’ve got a trustworthy partner by your side, supporting you just as much as you support them. But if parenting is a team sport, unfortunately, not all team members put in the same amount of effort.
One father, who works two jobs to support his family, turned to the internet to vent about how his wife puts so little effort into childcare that it forces him to be late to work. He finally had enough and started enforcing some healthy family boundaries. Read on for the full story.
Making a family work requires team effort, which, unfortunately, isn't always there
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
One man revealed how unfairly childcare responsibilities are distributed in his home, with his wife barely doing anything
Image credits: Ono Kosuki (not the actual photo)
The job that the man does requires him to be on time, but because his wife is usually in no rush to get their son ready, he was late several times
Image credits: Keira Burton (not the actual photo)
After being late due to the same issue a few times, the author left alone and told his wife she should've gotten their son ready on time, which made her very angry
Image credits: u/Jaded_Permit_7209
In the comments, the author explained that his wife has severe anxiety, doesn't work, and can't take care of their boy alone, so he has 2 jobs to provide for them and afford daycare
The author and his wife have a 3-year-old boy who goes to daycare. The mother doesn’t work or drive, and thus, taking him there falls in with the father’s responsibilities.
They are supposed to leave before 8:45. However, the woman often takes her sweet time getting their child fed and ready, causing the man to be late for work, which is something he can’t afford to do.
After a few of these incidents, the husband decided he wouldn’t wait past the set time and simply set off to work alone. When the wife called, she was livid, but the author coldly replied that she should have gotten him ready on time if she didn’t want him to stay home.
At first, it seemed to have worked, but she fell right back into her old pattern soon after. When another similar argument ensued, the poster came to Reddit seeking outside opinions.
Although the commenters declared the author to be NTA, they were worried about his son not spending enough time with his parents, as well as the author's health, and had many questions not answered initially. Fortunately, they weren’t kept in the dark for long.
As it turns out, due to the family’s financial situation, the author works two jobs. He doesn’t get home until around 11 PM and then has to eat, shower, and do his laundry. He gets to bed no earlier than 1 AM with all these responsibilities and, therefore, has no time to help in the morning.
The catch, however, is that his wife doesn’t work. In fact, she’s not even looking for a job but doesn’t want to take care of their child during the day. According to the author, she gets overwhelmed and has angry outbursts, although she wasn’t diagnosed with any disorder when she was professionally evaluated.
The author said he doesn’t know what she does during the day, but when he returns home, she’s usually scrolling through her phone. It seems that at the time of the post, they have not yet discussed this most recent issue between themselves, and it’s unclear whether they intend to.
Image credits: Los Muertos Crew (not the actual photo)
Anxiety has lots of symptoms and is also linked to irritability and anger, not just worry, doubt, and fear
As the author said, his wife was not diagnosed with any condition. However, since anxiety and anger outbursts were mentioned more than once, we decided to look into the connection between the two.
According to Talkiatry, anxiety is unpredictable and can include a lot more symptoms beyond the most obvious ones. When talking about it, people usually first think of worry, doubt, and fear, yet one of the main things it can cause is irritation.
Unfortunately, this can easily lead a person to a closed circle. Anxiety causes irritation, and irritation causes anxiety because of worrying about future anger outbursts.
The article tells us that there are different theories explaining the connection between anxiety and anger. Some suggest this might be an automatic defense mechanism, protecting the brain from stronger feelings of anxiety as anger leaves not much room for other unpleasant emotions.
Others say that it may all be due to chemicals the body produces during a “fight or flight” response. While this system is supposed to help us protect ourselves against threats, when it is triggered by misplaced anxiety, and there is no real danger around, the emotional changes it stirs up are left without a target and eventually burst out where they probably shouldn’t.
According to Talkiatry, there are a few relatively simple ways to deal with this kind of anger. For example, exercising is a well-known method for relieving stress and, in turn, anxiety, which is excellent for dealing with these problems.
If exercising is not an option, it’s always worth looking for alternatives in breathing exercises, gentle movement, meditation, and soothing (or not) music for distraction. These methods can help activate the nerves that keep you calm and relaxed, helping you phase out anger more smoothly.
The most important thing, however, is not to be impulsive and respond instead of reacting. Give yourself time before answering something that you feel has angered you. Pull yourself back, breathe, count to 10, and ask yourself what the other person’s motive for saying what they did is.
However, if these coping mechanisms are not enough, it’s best for you and everyone involved to seek out an expert who can give a more professional opinion regarding your exact situation and offer a more personalized approach to dealing with the problem.
But, after all, even when someone is evaluated, the diagnosis may not always be correct, and the situation, for better or worse, can change with time, which may be the situation with the author’s wife. If there is a problem and things are not improving, looking for solutions from different angles is essential. Because in the end, this can make a huge difference in a person’s quality of life.
The commenters sided with the husband but were worried about his health and the child's well-being
