Ever met someone so pampered they practically expect the world to roll out a red carpet for them? Like, seriously, their life motto could be "Why lift a finger when others can do it for you?" That's the story of one Redditor who was married to a man who’s been coddled by his mom so much that it was putting a serious strain on their marriage.
The Redditor, who we’ll randomly name Sofia, was raised in a bustling household of 5, where everyone pitched in and chores were a family affair. She married a man who was the epitome of a man-child. It's a classic tale of a relationship teetering on the edge because one partner just can't seem to grow up.
More info: Reddit
Man married for 10 years never did any chores in his life, fed up wife threatens him with divorce
Image credits: stefamerpik (not the actual photo)
The man had been coddled by his mom as a kid, grew up with a maid, and never had to work for anything
Image credits: Lisa Fotios (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Vitaly Gariev (not the actual photo)
The wife married her husband when she was just 18 years old, hoping he would one day change and help around the house, but he never did
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
After the wife threatens him with divorce, the husband does the dishes for the first time in 10 years, but never touches another chore after that
Image credits: Fantastic_Guess1918
“I just want things to be better”: the wife takes to the internet to ask for advice on how to make her husband help around the house
Sofia’s husband, despite technically having a sister, was essentially raised as an only child. His sister was 10 years older than him and mostly out of the house during his childhood. Which led to him being pampered like a prince. With a maid to cater to his needs and a mom who picked up any slack, this guy never lifted a finger around the house.
Sofia married her husband when she was just 18 years old, starry-eyed, and full of hope. She believed her husband would eventually step up and share the household duties. Spoiler alert: he didn't. She wasn't even asking for an even split – a 90/10 ratio would have been enough to show her that he could change. But nope, zilch, nada. Years of begging, arguments, and broken promises followed.
The sad reality hit her hard when she realized she had unknowingly signed up for a life of catering to her husband. But, besides having to deal with the entire 3-bedroom house by herself, she was also feeling the crushing weight of longtime depression.
Can you imagine trying to manage a household alone, while battling severe depression? And, to add salt to the wound, any attempt at addressing the issue resulted in the same defensive retort: "But I did the dishes!" Yes, the one time he actually washed some plates, after being threatened with divorce, was now his golden ticket out of all future chores.
When housework isn't divided fairly, it can seriously strain a marriage. As experts explain, “When you or your partner are unhappy about the allocation of household chores, the stress level in your home can increase tremendously. Researchers have found that the unequal distribution of housework is one of the top stressors in many relationships. For example, one study found that wives reported that one of their top sources of stress was the fact that their husbands don't want to do their share of work around the house.”
To find out more on this topic, Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Dana McNeil, a relationship therapist specialized in couples counseling, for some answers. She told us that people tend to repeat behaviors they see at home, especially while growing up. “Many of us grow up in stereotypical environments where the person who does which chores have been assigned based on family members' genders. For example, some of us grew up with the females in the home overseeing the “inside” chores and the male figures overseeing “outside” chores. Often, we unknowingly just repeat what we saw growing up without questioning if it is what suits our new family or are we just repeating what we had modeled for us,” she explains.
She suggests making a list of all chores and assigning each of them to one of the partners. “The list should include not only big chores, like mowing the lawn or emptying the dishwasher, but also the emotional load tasks. Emotional load tasks are things such as taking children to doctor’s appointments, picking up birthday presents, and mailing out holiday cards. These tasks sometimes go unnoticed for the time and energy they require,” McNeil explains.
When asked if there is any hope for change in a partner who consistently avoids household responsibilities, Dr. McNeil suggest that, “Most couples are going to have diverse needs and expectations about what constitutes necessary chores to do around the house. If this is an ongoing issue in the relationship, then it is likely the couple will need to accept this will be a problem throughout the course of the relationship. The reality is you may never truly “resolve” the issue but instead would be served to decide this issue will always be an ongoing issue.”
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
This husband, whose idea of work was a job handed to him on a silver platter by his mother, had been on her payroll regardless of his attendance. He hadn’t shown up for nearly a year, yet still received his weekly allowance. Talk about living in a bubble!
Sofia found herself at a crossroads - she didn’t want to leave her husband, she just wanted him to listen, to care, and to change. The resentment building inside her was a ticking time bomb, threatening to explode if things didn’t improve.
Dealing with a partner who doesn't want to change can be one of the most frustrating experiences in a relationship. If you clearly communicate to your partner what issue you may have with their behavior, but they refuse to take steps to address them, it can create a cycle of disappointment and resentment. Just like Sofia, who tried plenty of times to ask for help from her husband, but the only thing she could get was a promise. “I spent the first several years of our marriage begging for the least bit of help, promises were made and always broken,” she recalls.
There are no easy answers when a spouse doesn’t want to change. As experts put it, “The frustration of your partner's lack of follow-through on good intentions, saying one thing and then doing another, or breaking promises can slowly erode both the emotional and physical intimacy in your relationship. If your partner won’t change, isn’t willing to work on improving your relationship, or won’t seek help, you may be on the path to a breakup or divorce.”
Sofia knew she had some tough decisions to make, and although she loved her husband, she couldn't continue living in a lopsided relationship. She deserved a partner that would pamper her like a princess, not a pampered prince.
What’s your take on this story? What should our leading lady do in this situation? Share your wisdom in the comment section.
People in the comments urge the wife to get a divorce saying her husband will never change and she will be stuck in the same situation for another 10 years
