You’ve probably heard of snooping. It’s that guilty act of peeking into a partner’s phone or checking through their stuff just to satisfy your doubts. Most of us think it’s harmless or even justified in moments of uncertainty. But what happens when you uncover something so disturbing that it shakes you to your core?
Today’s Original Poster (OP) had the urge to look through her husband’s journal, and she did. However, what she saw in it left her questioning their union and eventually led to her walking away from the marriage.
More info: Reddit
There are a few occasions where snooping just might save your life, and this woman found herself in such a position
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The author's husband had a journal that he wrote in over the years; however, she never thought to look through it
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Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto / Pexels (not the actual photo)
After an argument, she began to get an urge to look at the journal, and what she found shocked her
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Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)
In the journal, the husband repeatedly stated that he hated her and that he hoped she would die
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Image credits: Alina Vilchenko / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Scared for her life, the author packed up a few things and ran to the safety of her friend's home with their baby on the pretext of needing some space
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While she was at the friend's place, she received texts from her husband who reassured her of his love and stated he couldn't wait to see her again
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Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
In her update, the author appreciated the concern and support from netizens, even pointing out that one comment in particular saved her life
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Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
After realizing that she had read the words of the journal wrongly and that it was worse than what she thought, she called a crisis line
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The author emphasized that she had no regrets about reading her husband's journal and said that she had decided to leave him for good
The OP began by explaining that her husband had kept a journal throughout their four years of marriage. She had always respected his privacy, never snooping or questioning his personal musings. However, after a heated argument that left her gut uneasy, she decided to dive in, and boy, what she found inside was nothing short of disturbing.
Throughout his journal, he repeatedly wrote that he hated her. He even went as far as to say, during a time when she was sick, that he hoped she would die. These were not just fleeting comments; they were heavy, recurring thoughts. The discovery immediately made her pack up herself and their baby, heading to a friend’s place, while simultaneously making therapy and lawyer appointments.
The OP provided a bit of context by explaining that they had recently gone through a tough period that lasted two weeks. This turbulent period also seemed to coincide with the moments in his journal where he expressed hatred and even fantasized about her death and replacing her with another woman.
While staying at her friend's, her husband sent her warm, affectionate messages, reassuring her of his love. It seemed like he genuinely cared about reconciling. This left the OP wondering if what she saw in his journal was just healthy venting or if it was indicative of something deeper and possibly dangerous.
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To understand the severity of the situation and confirm if the OP is fully justified in questioning her husband's thoughts, Bored Panda reached out to writer and marriage counselor Ronke Adesina, who served as a member on a marriage counseling committee and has counseled both couples aspiring to get married, and married couples.
We started by asking if it is normal for spouses to have fleeting thoughts of resentment or even hatred during difficult times, to which she responded that it’s not uncommon, especially in really difficult moments in marriage. However, she stated that "these emotions should typically fade once the causal factor is resolved."
She explained that red flags should start popping up if these thoughts persist or escalate, as it may indicate deeper unresolved issues that require attention. Adesina applauded the OP trusting her instincts and not dismissing her feelings of unease.
She emphasized that there is a major problem so long as there's a threat to life and said that the OP was wise to distance herself from her husband. "It's what I would suggest for anyone to do," she said. She also suggested seeking professional help to get clarity and guidance on her next steps, as well as finding safety in trusted friends or family to ensure her well-being.
Adesina suggested that a marriage could recover from such a discovery; however, some factors must be considered. "For one, it is important to know why the husband felt the way he did to have vented this way," she started before citing that secondly, the root cause of his resentment must be something that can be resolved.
Her third point was that both partners, especially the affected person, would need to believe they can move past it and rebuild trust. Finally and most importantly, she stated that the wife must still feel safe in the relationship. Without all of these elements, "moving forward may not be possible and I wouldn't recommend it, either."
The sentiment from netizens was one of support and relief, with many applauding the OP for taking decisive action to protect herself and her child. They emphasized that leaving was the right choice and urged her to prioritize her safety. Others also pointed out that while venting in a journal is normal, fantasizing about a spouse’s death crosses a dangerous line.
In an update, the OP mentioned that she informed her husband that she wanted to stay out of town a little longer. Meanwhile, she has therapy and an appointment with a social worker to create a safety plan.
Netizens showed massive support for the author, applauding her decision to save her life and her child's
