It’s pretty much every parent’s hope that they can provide for their kids. From basic needs to things like tertiary education, the majority of most parents’ wealth is dutifully put aside so the kids won’t have to go without it, both in the present and the future.
For one parent, her husband’s habit of spoiling his bio daughter has raised concerns. She says lavishing gifts and cash on her is all a bit too much, especially when she can’t do the same for her two sons. She took to Mumsnet to vent, and readers had plenty to say.
More info: Mumsnet
Almost every parent wants the best for their kids, but this woman thinks her husband takes it a bit too far
Image credits: Vera Arsic / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The husband earns a lot more than she does, but the couple keeps the majority of their finances separate
Image credits: Kindel Media / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The husband lavishes gifts and cash on his bio-daughter, frustrating the mom who can’t afford to do the same for her two sons
Image credits: Stanley Morales / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The woman claims her husband is turning his daughter into a spoiled little princess
Image credits: Asofcati
The woman thinks it's ridiculous and turns to the web to ask whether she's being unreasonable
OP begins her story by telling the community that she and her dear husband (DH) have been together for 6 years, four of which were long-distance while he was still living in Paris. Two years ago, he and his daughter moved to London, OP sold her house, and the couple bought a new home together.
According to OP, her husband earns quite a bit more than she does and they generally keep their finances separate, apart from sharing a joint bank account which they use to cover communal bills, groceries, phone bills, and gym memberships for their kids.
This year, both OP’s oldest son and her husband’s daughter started university. Her son is studying history while his daughter is completing a degree apprenticeship in wealth planning. OP adds that her hubby’s daughter earns a healthy salary, but her son earns nothing. Both children are still at home and aren't charged rent.
OP goes on to say that she recently found out her husband added his daughter as an authorized user on his credit card. He also spoiled her for her 18th birthday with all manner of expensive gifts, something OP found to be ridiculous.
OP fears it might lead to jealousy between the kids since she can’t afford to do the same for her two sons, so she turned to Mumsnet to ask whether she was being unreasonable in thinking her husband was turning his daughter into a spoiled little princess.
In a scenario like this, it’s surely the dad’s prerogative if he wants to spoil his daughter. He has the means and it’s really no business of OP’s how he chooses to spend his money, as long as he’s contributing to his share of the joint bank account. But what are the cons of spoiling your child?
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According to the MedicineNet website, spoiling your child may have long-term harmful effects, including increased dependency, irresponsibility, and increased defiance and disrespect. Despite OP’s concerns, from what she tells us in her post, it doesn’t seem that her husband’s daughter displays any of these undesirable traits.
Perhaps the perceived inequality of the situation OP’s facing could be resolved by her eldest son getting a part-time job while he’s studying. At least that way he’ll have more disposable income and, who knows, maybe even enough to move out in the future. What steps might OP take to encourage him to find employment?
In his article for Psychology Today, Jeffrey Bernstein (Ph.D.) presents six strategies to empower your adult child to get a job. These include encouraging open conversations and clear communication, identifying strengths and interests, collaborating to set realistic goals, providing supportive resources, promoting independence, and seeking professional help if necessary.
In her article for Monster, Dawn Papandrea suggests five ways parents can be a part of their child’s job search without taking complete control. For starters, guide them through the hiring process if possible.
“It’s OK to run your kid through a mock interview to ensure they know how to confidently speak about their experiences,” says Laurie Hollister, the associate director of career services at the New York Institute of Technology.
Next, set a good example by recounting positive stories about your own work experience, along with demonstrating a solid work ethic. Another way to get involved without going overboard is to push them toward career exploration—perhaps OP could help her son anticipate how he might put his history degree to good use after graduation.
What do you think of OP’s concerns? Is the daughter spoiled, or does her father have every right to spend his money as he sees fit? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers concluded that how the husband spends his money is his business and that the original poster came across as resentful, at best
