Being the spouse to a partner who is co-parenting can come with its challenges. The ex may despise you, your partner and their ex may struggle with seeing eye to eye on parenting approaches, or the ex might talk badly of you in front of your stepkids.
One woman was completely blindsided when her husband’s entitled ex demanded to have the stepkids at her place for Christmas. Things only got worse when hubby suggested they instead host his ex on the special day. Furious, the woman went online to vent.
More info: Mumsnet
Co-parenting comes with its challenges, as this new wife unhappily found out
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Planning on having her husband and the kids all to herself for Christmas, she was bewildered when her husband presented her with his own “insane” ideas
Image credits: Andrew Neel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Apparently, her husband’s ex is going to be alone on Christmas day unless her husband lets the stepkids come over, a deviation from their agreed-to plan
Image credits: picjumbo.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The husband’s alternative is to have his ex and the woman’s stepkids over for Christmas, along with her whole family
Image credits: onion88
Infuriated, the wife took to the web to ask whether or not she’s being unreasonable in thinking her husband is insane to even suggest these options
Before she gets to the meat of the matter, OP begins her story by telling the community that her husband blindsided her with this situation yesterday and asks whether or not he’s insane for even suggesting it. She goes on to say that her husband and his ex-girlfriend share two kids in their teens, while she and her husband have a 3-year-old.
Apparently, her husband’s ex has been in a long-term relationship that has just ended, and she’s been a bit of a nightmare in the past. That being said, OP says the ex and her husband co-parent pretty well and things have been relatively calm, but it's by no means been an easy or stress-free road.
Well, since her relationship has ended, the ex has told OP’s husband that she’ll be taking the kids on Christmas day, otherwise she’ll be all alone. In the past, the husband and his ex have split the day so one will have the kids for the morning and the other for dinner. Since this was going to be her husband’s dinner slot, he’s gutted, but apparently his ex has a habit of making plans and just informing the husband how it’s going to be.
OP’s husband complained to her that Christmas will be rubbish now, despite OP and their daughter being there, and came up with his own ideas. One of them involves having the ex over for Christmas day, while the other will see her losing her daughter for part of Christmas day while her husband visits his ex.
OP’s not interested in either of those two options and thinks her husband shouldn’t be so ready to buckle to his ex’s wants and needs since it’s not his problem she’ll be alone.
She goes on to add that he and the ex should stick to the original plan or, if he really wants to see his kids, he can drop in on Boxing Day. OP concludes her post by asking whether or not she’s being unreasonable in arguing this and saying no.
Image credits: Diva Plavalaguna / Pexels (not the actual photo)
From what we can glean from OP’s post, it would certainly seem like her husband’s ex is not only toxic but entitled too. If you’ve ever dealt with someone like this, you’ll know exactly how unpleasant it can be. So, what’s the best thing for OP to do, especially considering her husband is obviously still open to manipulation by his ex?
For starters, she could tell her husband to find a more workable compromise with his ex or put forward her own compromise altogether and let her husband float it.
According to the Arrival Counseling Service website, the secret to finding a successful compromise is a “give-and-take” attitude. We must be ready to make sacrifices but should also expect the same from the other person. Compromise is not about winning or losing but about achieving an outcome that works for everyone.
ACS goes on to suggest 6 steps to finding a successful compromise. These include identifying your needs and wants, listening and sharing your perspective, finding common ground, being flexible, following through, and seeking support, if necessary.
If OP’s husband and his ex can’t find a compromise, OP might be dealing with a narcissist.
In her article for HackSpirit, Pearl Nash puts forward a few suggestions on how to deal with your spouse’s narcissistic ex.
Some of these include not letting her get to you, communicating with your husband about the situation, accepting that she won’t change, finding a support system, and seeing the bigger picture so you don’t lose your sense of purpose.
What would you do if you found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think her husband is insane to make the suggestions he has? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers swiftly concluded that the wife was not being unreasonable and a few suggested trying to find a compromise that works for everyone
